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Tips to Fight Fair

by Shelley Wenger 2 months ago in children

With Your Teen Daughter

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Unfortunately, conflict is inevitable when you are raising teenage daughters (and even sons). You know in your heart that they are just trying to find their way in the world. It can be hard to find your way in high school while trying to figure out what you want to be when you grow up.

On your end, it may seem like all they are doing is fighting with you every step of the way. However, it doesn't have to be this way. It is not always easy, but you can learn to fight fairly with your daughters. You can help to guide them in the right direction.

So, how can you fight fair with your rebelling teenage daughter? Here are some tips to help.

Stay calm

No matter how hard it can be, you need to stay calm during your talks with your daughter. Getting angry and reacting badly will only make everything worse.

So, take a moment to catch your breath. Think before you speak. Don't say anything that you are going to regret. You need to remind your daughter to do the same. You want her to learn that it is alright to take a moment to collect your thoughts before speaking. It is much better than saying something out of anger that you could regret later.

Take a break from the discussion

If you find the fight getting heated, you might want to table the discussion for the time being. Both of you may need some time to collect yourselves and calm down.

You may even want to take some time to figure out what you both need to say to each other. You (and your daughter) may want to come up with some talking points, so you can talk about it rationally. Nobody wants to say something out of anger.

Really listen to her

Sometimes, your daughter just wants and needs to be heard. You are going to have to put your own thoughts aside and really take the time to listen to what she is saying. She needs to feel like her input really matters.

Whether or not you let her do what she wants, she needs to understand that you are listening to her reasons and concerns. After she gets a turn, hopefully, she will give you the same courtesy. She will listen to your reasons and why you don't feel like it is a good idea. You may need to remind her that her safety is your number one priority.

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Learn to compromise

Raising a teenager is going to be filled with compromises (on both of your ends). You are going to have to find ways to meet in the middle. The sooner that you figure this out, the better off you will be. You are going to spend years compromising with your teenage daughter!

You may not want her to go shopping at the mall alone, but maybe if you stay in the mall, you may let her walk around with her friends for an hour or two. Maybe you don't feel comfortable letting her drive to a friend's house, but you don't have a problem with her going, as long as you take her and pick her up.

Choose your battles

This well-known saying is very true. Some things are worth the fight. Others are simply not.

You may not want your daughter to go to a party late on a Saturday night, but the afternoon may be alright with you. You may also allow her to go to a sleepover, as long as you know the parents (and know that they will be there).

If your daughter is driving, you may want to be strict about where she is allowed to drive. You may also have rules about who is allowed in the car when she is driving, and whose car she is allowed to be in. That being said, you may allow her to go to the movies on a Saturday night (as long as you drive).

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Parenting is very give and take, especially with daughters. You may find yourself in fights all of the time. That being said, you are going to have to fight fair. You are going to have to pick and choose your battles. Learn to listen to what she is saying. Don't be afraid to table the discussion until another time. Neither of you wants to say something that you will regret.


Shelley Wenger

Small town country girl in southern Pennsylvania. Raising two boys on a small farm filled with horses, goats, chickens, rabbits, ducks, dogs, and a cat. Certified veterinary technician and writer at Virtually Shelley.

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Shelley Wenger
Read next: To Talk of a Father

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