Through these eyes

Through my eyes I have seen 2 lives begin , seen many end, seen many hurt and so much more besides. I watched my children be born, their first moments, their first breaths. I heard their first cries, was there when they opened their eyes. My memory is fairly terrible but some things remain, mostly good stuff thankfully.

LIFE

My first memory is off approaching the beach in my uncles car, while sat on someone’s lap. I am quite sizeable , so presume I must have been quite young. The earliest full memory I have was when my Grandad died, I was aged 4 at the time. My Nan called over to my dad to see if his Dad had died , we lived at opposite ends of a road and could see each others houses. He went over and confirmed he had died.

He was alive when they both woke up, Nan went to make a cup of tea and when she returned he had died. All important things were done in the morning, I was sent over in the afternoon to sit with her. We watched her favourite film, “paint your wagon”. After , I went back home with 2 sweets, 1 for me and one for my younger brother.

BIRTH

I made it to the birth of both my kids, although 1 was very close to being a miss. I lived in Cardiff and worked in Bristol at the time. I arrived at work, close to the due date and asked the boss what I should do if she went into labour. He said go straight back to Cardiff, Half an hour later i got the call to go home. So I got another train home and a taxi to the hospital. Soon after I was a dad for the first time. My kids were both born with Autism and learning delay, meaning many hospital visits and clinics. My eldest failed his 18 month development test, so was admitted to hospital for a few days. Unfortunately that meant he was in hospital while his brother was appearing at a distant maternity unit. His brother decided to arrive at 2am, so I only had to go from home to the hospital this time.

INJURY

I have had work based training in first aid for all my working life, from time on the railway through to health care work. The first was a course for my time working at Bristol Temple Meads train station. The person who took the course started by saying that if we passed the course we could be the first responder at our train stations. He then when went on by saying he was the first responder for the station we were at. He then tried to sell us on the eye by saying his first call was to a woman who had been cut in half by a train. He then went on how she died in his arms, not a great encouragement.

A few years later I started working on trains as a guard. On a night shift trip I was called by a passenger, they said someone was smashing his arm against a mirror and was bleeding everywhere. When I found him I tried to see if he had been attacked, there was so much blood. In deed he had been punching the mirror, so hard the muscles and bones of his writs and arm had become visible through the damage. I called an ambulance to the next stop and tried to dress the massive wound. He was taken away and the train needed a deep clean.

NEXT PARAGRAPH WILL BE VERY GRAPHIC, MAYBE SKIP TO ONE AFTER

A year or so later I was called again by a passenger , saying there was someone self harming in the front coach of the train. On arrival it was not a great surprise to see it was the same person as before. The 6 inch wound was open, he had a razor sharp blade and was carefully cutting bits out of the wound. Then he would clean the knife on the seat cushion and start to cut out a new bit. I again managed to dress the massive wound, got another ambulance and again got the train cleaned.

Welcome back if you jumped the last paragraph. The most intense place I helped out was after a serious road crash, bike versus a car. There was a group around him when we arrived, as I approached somebody moved away and I ended up by the patient. He still had on his bike leathers but was obviously in a mess. His ankle was pointing in the wrong direction, one of the bones pointing out of his arm went through the clothing. Once the ambulance arrived and cut off the clothes , it was obvious this was a major incident. He had bones poking out of his arms and legs, though he hadn’t lost much blood.

In the end it was decided he needed to go to a distant hospital, so a massive helicopter arrived. It landed in a nearby field, after flying over our heads. He left in the back and I think made a decent recovery, albeit over a long period.

DEATH

My care work involved a lot of end of life care and a fair bit of death and after death care. I fed one man his last meal the previous night, when I arrived the following day I was told he died overnight. So I decided to see how I would manage and went into see him. I coped ok and decided to try again when the next person died. It was a big care home so there were regular deaths due to dementia or old age. I went from going in on my own to see how I was to supporting others who weren’t sure how they would manage.

A few instances later, a patient had died and the funeral director arrived to take her away. As the head nurse was busy I offered to go with them and to sign her out. When she arrived every item she owned was logged, so when she left I had to record everything she left with. I recorded the rings and other jewellery she had, plus we gave her a small teddy bear she liked.

A few more years down the road I was asked to check on a resident we hadn’t seen in a while. When I reached her room she was trying to get into bed, I helped her and left her to rest. A few hours later it was discovered she had died. I offered to help clean her, change clothes and be ready for when her daughter arrived. It just felt like I was helping someone that wasn’t helping us, someone who needed a little extra. When we finished her daughter arrived and saw mum at peace.

After dealing with death so often , it became obvious when a person was near the end. In one case a nurse called me in for a second opinion on a resident. She said his son wanted to be there when he passed but that it would take him 45 minutes to arrived. I looked for the signs, skin appearing tight over the face and blood starting to pool and told her to call. He died 10 minutes after his son arrived.

I suppose I am who I am based on upbringing and experience. I have seen many things, from good to bad. 56 years later this is me.