This Is How We Celebrate Christmas In Australia

What Is A White Christmas?

Growing up, I would watch all the Christmas themed movies and TV shows and loved them. The problem though, I found these movies and TV shows to be extremely unrealistic.

Why? I live in the southern hemisphere, in Australia. Christmas for us is usually at least 30 degrees celsius, hot as hell and spent under the air conditioning.

No snow, only searing heat and sunburn.

Building a snowman and poking a carrot into its face is just a dream that I’m never likely to experience. Instead, my reality is going for a swim at the beach before Christmas dinner, and probably after dinner as well. The best Christmas gift will be getting dumped by the surf and spending days fishing sand out of embarrassing places. A Christmas gift indeed!

December Is Not The Time To Enjoy A Christmas Roast

Instead, we prefer to indulge in a Christmas roast in July when the weather is cooler. Yep, Christmas in July is a fun experience. I mean, why not break up the year and celebrate Christmas twice?

No true Aussie wants to stand in a sweltering kitchen in December, watching a turkey crisp in the oven, no matter how powerful the air conditioning is.

It’s not unusual to find me standing inside the fridge on any sweltering hot day, but I will definitely be there on Christmas Day. I swear I’m looking for that important Christmas dinner ingredient! Or maybe I’m just refilling my glass of champagne.

Do We Dress Up For Christmas?

Dressing up for Christmas is overrated. As I said, it’s too hot. I’m most likely found strutting around in my bikini. In fact, you’ll probably find me dribbling prawn juice down my cleavage. If I’m dressed up, I’ll ruin my outfit.

I might be wearing reindeer antlers or a Santa hat at the beginning of the day, but later on it will be a sunhat!

Snowman Or Sandman?

All I wanted when growing up was to experience a white Christmas.

I wanted to play in the snow, make a snowman, wrap a scarf around his neck and place a beanie on his head.

A sandman is just not the same, and much more difficult to build. Plus, that sand can get into some very uncomfortable places. Snow on the other hand would just melt if it found its way into some weird destination, so no problem there.

To this day, I am still yet to experience a white Christmas, or a Christmas in winter for that matter. Actually, that’s a lie. I lived in the West Indies for a couple of years, but, Christmas time was still like summer.

The locals embraced the “winter” by wearing the latest fashionable puffer jacket. Me? I was still strutting around in my bikini! I guess I hadn’t quite acclimatised.

What About Christmas Gifts?

I’m not sure if we will be buying any gifts for Christmas this year. I think we’ve missed the boat on ordering online in time for Christmas, and I’m sure as hell not going out to do any Christmas shopping. It’s nothing but a shit fight at the shopping centres this time of year.

We Don’t Have A Christmas Tree

We do have some Christmas lights though, and I’ve wrapped them around “Bones”, our resident life-sized skeleton. Bones is currently wearing a Santa hat, but he’s also wearing a hula skirt. Well, it is summer you know, and he was kinda naked “down there”.

The most my partner and I will do on Christmas Day is polish off a couple of bottles of champers whilst peeling prawns and eating a salad. Actually, that's a lie. My guy will be peeling the prawns. I hate peeling prawns, but I do enjoy eating them.

*Note to self: don’t forget to stock up on champers and prawns before Christmas Day.

What About Christmas Carols?

I can honestly say, we won’t be watching any Christmas movies or TV shows. We also won't be singing Christmas Carols. Instead, we will probably play Foo Fighters super loud on the stereo. No Christmas Carols for us, no siree!

There’ll definitely be some drunken dancing in the living room after we’ve had our fill of prawns. I’ve probably ditched the champagne glass by now and carrying that bottle of champers around with me. Am I sharing? Hell no!

And there you have it. A typical Christmas Day in Australia!

Merry Christmas! 🎄