Things Liberian Parents Say and Do to Their Children

We all know that parents aren't perfect. They're definitely not saints either. However, whenever they do things that are unbecoming, we need to call them out on it. I was born to two Liberian parents, who I've been estranged from for nearly 15 years and yes, I was born here. The following entries on this list will go over some of the things I've noticed growing up were not only ridiculous, but outlandish. Since I'm estranged from the two people who were supposed to love and support me, I don't care if they get their feelings hurt if they were to run into their story. This story will stay up and if they were to run into this story and are offended by the things I've said, again, I don't care. Other than that, let's get on to the list.

They're Incredibly Lazy

Imagine that you're upstairs in your room playing video games. All of a sudden, your mother or father calls your name from the living room. You come downstairs and they want you to hand them the remote or phone, even though they're right next to them. They call their own children lazy, yet they interrupt us to hand them something that was right next to them the entire time.

The Comparison Game

I'm the oldest of three children and one of the things I loathed the most was being compared to other people. Becoming my own person wasn't possible for me in an African household. They would say something like "Why you couldn't be more like...?" The constant comparison made feel high levels of resentment and struggled with self-confidence issues as the years and decades went on. It made me feel like I was a failure or couldn't amount to anything. I was treated more than a puppet than a human being.

They Always Want You to Be Perfect

My siblings and I made good grades in school. They mostly made A's in a majority of their classes, while I was an A-B Honor Roll student. There would be times where I would make a C in a class or two, but it didn't happen that often. Sure, I could've studied harder to improve my grades. However, our parents didn't know that a 70 and above was considered a passing grade. If I brought home a 70 or even a 75 on either one of my assignments or report cards, they would fly off the handle. I remember one time my youngest brother had a B+ in one of his classes and my mother lost her ever-loving mind and not in a good way. She was disappointed in him. Just to note, my brother was extremely smart. He started taking Advanced Placement in the 7th grade and all the way through high school. According to our parents, we were expected to make all A's in every class. Anything less than that was a disgrace. Another example is that you had to act and do things certain ways. Translation: I want my children to act and do things a certain way I see fit to boost our own egos.

Accountability Is Nowhere to Be Found

Anytime you call out your parents for, let's say, hurting your feelings, they will deny that it ever happened and accuse you of making things up. Liberian parents will never admit that they're wrong and always portray themselves as victims. They always need to have the last word in everything. Plus, they will never apologize to you, because they think that their children aren't worthy of one. Another abusive tactic, and let's call it for what it is, that they'll do is to force you to apologize to them, all because you called them out on their behavior or tried to stand up for yourself. If they want us to be held accountable and admit wrongdoing, then the same standard needs to be applied to all parents, regardless of how they grew up. Being born outside of the U.S. is not an excuse to treat your children like they're beneath you. My estranged mother displayed those toxic behaviors and played the victim card in every situation. She was like Joan Crawford and was the true example of being The Mother from Hell. She would cry, played the victim, and used manipulation tactics to get her way anytime she's called out on her behavior. Finally, she would gaslight me and my siblings to make herself look like she was the greatest mother in the world.

They Will Tear You Down

If you've been reading my stories on Vocal for a period of time, I've mentioned in several stories I've written regarding my estranged parents that the household I grew up in was toxic and abusive. I was always the target of their verbal and physical abuse. They would pick apart my appearance, interests, and even certain classes I took in school. These led to me having self-esteem and self-confidence issues later on in life. Plus, my evil estranged mother would spread lies about me that weren't true to others. She was never aware that she was embarrassing me. Liberian parents don't give a damn about your feelings. If you're going through a difficult time, they'll still ridicule you. These shaming tactics led me to become depressed later in life. Parents in general who do this are terrible people. Real parents show empathy and sympathy towards their own children. They will also say things such as you'll never succeed in life and you'll have no life. The latter remark was what they've told me on a regular basis. I forgot to mention one last thing. If you show any signs of emotion, like crying, they'll threaten to physically harm you, yell at you, or both. I was forced to bottle up my emotions. I know now that's not healthy, because being vulnerable is what makes us human. I was told growing up that "big boys" don't cry. Decades later, I know that's a crock of shit. Crying is good for your soul because we've been hurt for so long. Men are allowed to cry, because it's not gendered.

They Have Unrealistic Expectations for Their Children

The final entry on this list is something that many children can relate to in not only African households, but also Asian households. Parents who want their children to excel in whatever they do isn't a bad thing. However, there's a difference between encouraging them to do well in life and pressuring them to be perfect all the time. Parents need to let their children follow their own paths and to be supportive of their goals. Whether you grew up in a Liberian or Nigerian household, you had to become a doctor, lawyer, or teacher. Anything outside of that, parents will consider whatever you decide to do as a disgrace to the family. After graduating from high school, I was unsure of what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to become a teacher, in order to please my parents and boost their inflated egos. Anything that'll shut them up. It seemed like a great career choice for me at the time, because I was in special education classes for almost all of my years in public schools. I wanted to make a difference in the lives of those who didn't have a voice. After much consideration, I decided not to follow through with that plan. I ended up attending a Job Corps center in Arkansas in 2010 to study Office Administration. It took me a little over a year and a half to complete my vocational trade and graduate. I was accepted to another vocational school a month later and my vocational trade was Sales & Marketing. Within six months, I completed it and graduated in May 2012 with Honors. I didn't invite my parents to either one of my graduations, because I was completely estranged from them around that time and it wasn't worth the stress. Liberian parents always see the worst in you. They want you to fail so they can feel good about themselves. That they can say, "I told you so." I proved them wrong by following my own path and refusing to give in to their ridiculous, unrealistic expectations of me. If they can't respect and support your goals and ambitions, it's best that you cut off all contact with them. This is YOUR life, not theirs. I'm doing way better these days. They didn't truly love or supported me. Plus, they didn't deserve me at all. I've done fine without them nearly a decade and a half later. I don't need them and glad they're no longer in my life.

It's important that children respect their parents. However, children have their limits and boundaries. Children don't have to tolerate with parent's disrespect or become their emotional punching bags. Parents should also respect their children and last time I checked, respect is a two-way street and needs to be reciprocated. I have a huge dislike for parents who abuse their own children in any form, aren't supportive of them, or dismiss their feelings. They shouldn't have the title of mother or father attached to them. To the children of African parents: it's okay to be yourself and set boundaries. If they aren't okay with that, cut them out of your life immediately. You don't need any drama or stress interfering with your life. Peace will always overrule toxicity.

If any of these related to you, please let me know in the comments below. I might do a second part of this topic soon. In the meantime, please like this story if you enjoyed it. Also, subscribe to my page on here and follow me on social media. Finally, please leave me a generous one-off tip. They'll help support creators like me and encourage us to keep writing more stories for our loyal readers and subscribers.