The Wake Up Call

I didn't understand why it was happening to me. Social Services left a card on my door, and I couldn't understand why. Was it because my kids have heavy feet and the neighbors below were tired of hearing them walking until 7:30 every night? Did I correct my kids in public and someone got my information from my license plate? Was it because sometimes during the day, when I'm home, I step on to my balcony to smoke a cigarette? I couldn't figure it out for the life of me. All I knew was, someone didn't like how I was parenting.

A little back story seems to be appropriate now. My wife of eight years left. I won't say the reason, as this isn't her story. All I'll say is, she wasn't happy and couldn't take being in our home that we built anymore. I won't judge her, and hope you don't either. Again, this isn't her story. She did so right after the Covid-19 pandemic started. She left our two girls with me, saying i was the better parent, and that they would be better off in my care. I didn't argue, I love my girls, and losing all three of them would be more than devastating to me. I lost her, but I got to keep them.

Adjusting to this new life wasn't easy, and I didn't take it well. On top of everything else, I started a new job in the food and beverage industry. Not an industry that is great for a single father, but it's all I've known for so long and at 42 years old, I don't have a ton of options. I was luckier than most. I had friends and family that stepped up for a short term fix. I knew at some point I would have to find childcare and refigure out my budget. But for the summer I was set. School started and in the nick of time, I was able to get my long over due 3 year old potty trained. I was paying for school, but it was cheaper than childcare. I was able to get a good deal my oldest has been a member of for the last three years.

A little about me as a father. I love my girls very much. My whole life is dedicated to them, even before it was just me. I don't run around as much as I should, but just being with them and talking and playing games and talking to them is probably what I'm best at. I cook, so I let them come in the kitchen, and I show them what I'm doing and talk to them about it all the time. They love it, and until they don't, I enjoy every minute with them. We can talk about anything, I am completely transparent with them. When I went to therapy, I told them daddy is talking to someone to make him feel better. When they ask why certain things happen, I tell them. I don't tell them everything about my divorce, but they know that their parents love them, and I tell them that all the time.

About a month into school it happened. When the social worker finally came to tell me what I was accused of, I was shocked. My youngest daughter is afraid of men. Always has been. On top of that, she was grabbing her crotch. The teacher at the school has a responsibility to be a reporter and made the call. In the end, I was being accused of sexually assaulting my youngest daughter. It was the hardest thing I've ever been accused of. Completely false and utterly disgusting to think I could something like that.

My daughter went to the doctor, and we checked out. My ex took her because I wasn't allowed to go. Was supposed to have supervised custody, that didn't have to happen. We were allowed to stay a family in our home. Turns out that a few factors led to the grabbing. Underwear that was too small, not going to the bathroom at school because she's not comfortable in the bathroom. I still can't explain why she's afraid of men, only thinking that the only man she's ever known is me, and she's seen me at my best and my worst. Maybe that had something to do with it, I don't know. That should be the happy ending, but there is so much more to parenting than that.

I decided to not let this affect who I am. I know I'm a good father, but perfect is something I can only strive to be. None of us are perfect. As a male raising two little girls, I'm not looked at as someone that can handle the job. It doesn't matter that I love them, and I'm trying to do the best I can. It doesn't matter that I make them smile and laugh and give them good memories. Little things I would never even think of I would have to start doing. Checking for things I didn't know I needed to check for. Asking their doctor for advise. Asking the teacher that accused me for advise. Tapping into every resource there is, and using it to be better.

I'm starting this as a way to show other fathers they aren't alone. To start discussions, to support each other. I'm using this as my wake up call. I am not just dad anymore. I'm mom, I'm their everything. I hope I can keep up with this so I can learn from those who have been there. I hope that I can keep up, so no one else has to deal with what I did. We are not perfect, but we can be great. We become that by learning and teaching everyday.