The Uncategorised

Part 1 – How It All Began:

It was the start of a new year amidst a season of repeated academic failures spanning over 8 years. I was ready to quit, completely exhausted and on my very last thin thread. It all seem pointless, and I was desperate for my life to take a new course. I earnestly prayed that by God’s mercy I’ll end the year with an actual academic certificate in hand and also be married.

Not long afterwards, I met this young guy who seemed level headed and not bad. Now given my lengthy struggles, you can imagine my confidence was at an all-time low, I was working on my own knowledge and what I believed God wanted me to do. Now looking back and I see how disadvantaged I was not having a mentor or someone to guide me, someone who could lovingly say ‘No’, ‘Wait’, have you done this and that? Have you discussed and agreed about this and that…..? That person could have been a parent, a pastor, a leader, an older sibling, a senior friend, or just about any true godly leader who God had put in my world (or in their world or sphere of leadership).

Well, so began this relationship, where although I was upfront and very clear in my communications about who I was, my goals and principles, as well as the future I’d like and work for. My partner on the other hand obviously struggled with communicating, I noticed the differing wavelengths on which we were both operating, how a response to a matter or contribution to a discussion always seemed off, indicating a lack of understanding or knowledge. There was the need to teach me things anyone would have learnt prior to becoming a teen, disregarding the level of growth and maturity of the other party. When I’ll query, he’ll give the, ‘or no, I heard you, I was talking about something else’. This often left me confused and unsure if this was just a matter of ‘language barrier’ or a true lack of knowledge and insight.

As we navigated the obvious, the ask for money started to flood in with all sort of excuses, there was constantly a demand, you have this, you should do this, give it to me first. While trying to make sense of this, another surfaced, it was this unfamiliar pattern of foolish decisions, a degree of selfishness (and what I now understand is mental and physical laziness) that believes another should sweat the sweat and hand you the proceeds, someone else just had to be responsible.

By now I was certain of how critical these red-flags were so I called it quits. I knew better and this certainly was in no way how I wanted to live life. Then came the plea, “no I’m not like this, it was just as a result of so much pressure, things are so hard you won’t understand, …. and you get the gist…….

Given my situation, the voices were many, “stop thinking you’re better”, “be considerate and compromising”, “see potential and willingness”……….. Oh, how I wish someone had explained what all these external voices really meant because, the decision to go back after walking away has turned out to be my undoing. Now 12 years later, I find myself at the cross-road of a critical and painful decision, while I know what to do with this, given I believe I have humanly tried everything I could to see a better outcome, I’m struggling with how to do the needful and not impact the people dearest to me, how can I make it less impactful on my little kids. Is it better to run now while they’re still so young or hang on and risk a messy break-up. Where do I get the right information for my own situation, how do I get help and more importantly how do I keep my children and ensure they get the best out of life.

Part 2 – The Early Days (coming soon)