The Two Of Us Living In Recovery!

My husband John and I have been together for 22 years. We have been together in recovery from substance abuse since then. John had ten years in recovery when we started seeing each other, and I had 20 years.

We were married in 2004. Recovery continues to be one of the main things we have in common. We attend meetings together weekly, read literature, and are active in service.

Me: When getting home and the hubby is visibly sleeping, I move on. When he pokes his head into my office about an hour later, “Thought you were never going to wake up, thought you were going to sleep all night, and maybe I should check your pulse.”

You can’t be too sure after 70, so then, no taking his pulse as it will wake him up, so instead, stood and watched to see his chest move up and down. And it did.

Him: “I wasn’t even sleeping!”

Me: Why do you insist you are never sleeping when you always are?

Him: “I have only been getting about 5 hours of sleep a day compared to your twelve.”

Me: Exaggeration. Does that 5 hours a day include your naps? You know they say that’s what retirement is all about. Taking naps. Wish I could nap.

Him: Isn’t 12 hours enough?

Me: You are such a liar!

The hubby works on a character flaw he hopes to change each day. He writes the negative on one side of the chip and the positive on the other side. He pulls a chip every night to work on the next day.

One of his chips is dishonesty and truth. I can attest that he talks less on those days as he is working at being truthful!!

I told him one day that I am pretty good at working all the chips he works!

Him: “I put a new chip in the cup just for you!!” He said this one day with a huge smile on his face!

Me: I can’t wait to see what you added. It is probably something else you need to work on.

The day comes when he pulls self-pity and thankfulness. That is what I get for telling him one time that my first sponsor had me writing a gratitude list almost every day. She didn’t tell me it was because of self-pity. I had to hear that in a meeting.

At first, I grumbled and thought it wasn’t funny. Then it was yes, dammit, it is still something I need to work on after 44 years of recovery! Is this one I should ask to have removed to be of better service to me and my fellows?

The other day, when we talked, I told him I should probably just be placed in a nursing home. It seemed like it is one thing after another for me healthwise. Nothing serious, but I know I have more specialists and Dr. visits than anyone else.

Him: looking at me like I am crazy.

Me: I know he was thinking, now how do I respond to this comment?

Him: “Remember when Auntie Edina started rehanging her pictures on the wall?”

Me: Yes, she started packing things up because the social worker told her to get her things in order and she thought that meant she was going to die!

Him: Well, that is whom I am reminded of now! The nursing home. Really? Auntie Edina didn’t go into the nursing home until she was in her late 90s! That will probably be you!

Me: Well, you are more likely to go into the nursing home in your late 90s as Auntie Edina is your relative. Your relatives live in their hundreds, not mine!! The next thing I know we are both laughing.

Not ready for a nursing home. I tell you though, getting old is not for the weak. The saying, ‘if I knew I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself’ is the truth!

I thought I wasn’t going to make 50 and here I am now almost 70. We are both so thankful for our recovery!

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First published in Medium