The Trauma Chronicles
My family and the results of a stolen Matriarch.
HOPEFUL THINKING
What I mean is my Mother, my Aunt and Uncle that are well, mine got robbed of their mother, in a tragically and violent manner, her husband 2 husband after their dad murdered her. These events in turn I believe, robbed my siblings, our cousins, and I of good parents. It’s no competition but my mother and Aunt live the traumatic events to this day even.
This is about the relationship with my mother and I. What I’ve learned, dealt with, and still live through. Although at this hour I’m seeing a little light in the shrouded with darkness life tunnel I have been walking through. It’s through my want to have the same loving, connected, and strong relationship I share with my siblings, with my mother as well.
So, without further a due, let us get into the events that brought us here.
April 18, 1990 about 4a.m. my grandmother is taking a shower, starting her day as usual, soon going to work. The night before, she had a blowout with her soon to be divorced husband after countless times of lies he fed her, the promises to get clean, the numerous threats he made on her life brought her, a month prior to the police station to obtain a restraining order stating she was concerned for her life. The man left after their fight and spent the better part of the fateful day getting inebriated, probably feeling sorry for himself, who knows, so he came through a screen door that he cut open with a key, used a kitchen knife and inflicted a number of mortal wounds on her my Stolen Matriarch. I’ve never even seen a picture of this man, I know his name and well, even that’s not important. Whats important is and I quote right out of the case files, (and before you ask, yes I looked them up. I’m curiously conscience. “ Defendant was convicted in the Middlesex Superior court, of first degree murder and armed burglary in connection with stabbing of his estranged wife, in her apartment, and he appealed.”
The fact he tried to appeal it boggles my mind. “There was evidence supporting conviction for the first degree murder by reason of deliberate premeditation.” His conviction was 6 years later, almost exactly, off by a month and a day. March 19, 1996.
At the time of my grandmothers death, my mother was 18 with 2 daughters, and a loaded dose of PTSD. Rightfully so. Spending much of her life spiraling down, and up and down and up, and taking my sister, my brothers and myself along for the ride. I sit here today truthfully numb on any emotions other than my love for my family, it’s mine, they are mine and you can’t have them back!
I’m sure by now your like where is this going...so, to say my mom is hurt would be a serious understatement. I am no professional, but I can honestly say there is no way to place words on who my mother is today. I know a lot of people who can say that.
I’m struggling to find an end to this vocal article blog, thingy because I don’t know what the day with my mother tomorrow will bring I’m hopeful though because of one sentence she said, “I’m lucky to have you kids”. Never I don’t think she ever to me said that. I know her to say “be grateful I’m around” or it’s “You Kids”! don’t do this or whatever else. I want a good healthy relationship rounded parent and kid relationship with her so I can start to build a better one for my 2 kids and I want to be a good daughter to her we both deserve it.
So whatever tomorrow brings, I hope it’s got some promise, and ends with positive thoughts. It will definitely end with me right back here letting you in on ‘how goes it’
About the Creator
Keep reading
More stories from Katie Johnson and writers in Families and other communities.
My sisters strength is infinite
I grew up living with siblings who shared a mother with me. I'm the middle child my sister is older and we have 2 younger brothers who share a dad. A dad who was married to our mother from the time i can remember which isnt much till I was about 13. At that point my mom had the strength to leave her abusive husband for a undeniably great man. My sister was somehow always finding trouble. I'll get back to that later, moving through the years I'm now 21, pregnant, and she is 23 with a son who was about 2. I kept having this reoccuring thought and I couldnt shake it cause it felt like a dream but somehow i knew it wasnt. I turn to my sister one day while were out on her balcony and I start by stating that I was unsure if this happened or not andyway I asked her if she remembered when we were little and our brothers dad was still in the picture and he would frequently call my sister into the bedroom, and I would always try to follow but he always said Amanda needs to give me a massage we will be out in a bit. Now I remember hardly nothing from these years of my life probably cause it was filled with sexual abuse and physical abuse. Anway, back to balcony after I asked this I could see my sisters eyes swell with tears and he response is a question, you remember that? I assume she assumed I just couldnt remember for the many possible reasons. She then began telling me about the sexual abuse she endured in that room, iot crushed me. All these years my sister 'lashing' out was simply cause she was once trapped. We agreed to take our mom to the park and confront her about this to see if she was aware. I remember her working alot, regardless she claimed she had no idea. No mother I think would ever willingly admit to being aware of their abuser also abusing their children. This had explained alot to me, why my sister was always out with friends cause she was trapped so when my mom finally left him she had freedom, it explained why I couldnt remember my childhood cause I possibly endured some abuse of which to this day I still do not know. Some more years pass her son is 8 mine is 6, in the previous years the only role model of a dad my siblings and I had commited suicide. My mother was nowhere to be found that night, she was cheating. Another anyway at this point Im in a shelter, and my sister is living in our childhood home with her son, her abusive baby daddy, and my younger brothers. My mother is off somewhere with her new boyfriend, noone cares, but someone has to care for my brothers. My sister did that until she got pregnant again, finally I thought a girl in our legacy full of men. I ended up leaving the shelter I was in so my son and I could go live in the house and someone could make sure my brothers graduate at the least. My niece Madison Lee was born October 13, 2016, about a month or 2 go by we all got Madison fever, I packed up with my son and went to visit for a day or 2 with my sister and my nephew and niece, forget about her p.o.s baby daddy. I'm playing with this beautiful little girl and as you'll see in the image her head was quite large. My sister followed up with the doctor and tragically my niece was diagnosed with brain cancer a rare form called AT/RT. This shook the foundation my sister built for my siblings and I and I was the nails trying to hold it together. I felt for her not just as my sister but as my mother and a fellow mother and a mother going through what noone would dream on their worst enemy. Thank goodness for my nephew cause he was with her always, he was and is my sisters foundation, without him I'm not sure I would have my sister on earth today. In 2018 Madison passed away after battling her cancer for 3 years..3 years longer than the doctors estimated. Recently my sister was having to be there for her new boyfriend who I might add has made her so happy, but he recently lost his dad. She was telling me about the night Madison passed away, the night they arrived in Disney for Make A Wish, and prior to all that she signed a pink slip, (i believe) which was a do not resuscitate form. Her boyfriends dad had just signed one, so in Florida and Madison takes her last breath in my sisters arms, eventually EMT's arrive and my sister remembers the slip she signed for Madison, and in that moment, that one selfish moment I have ever seen this woman have she stuffed the slip in her bag as if it didnt exist. My sister having so much trauma in her life and still having the strength to find the strength to simply get out of bed in the morning is the most admirable thing i THINK I will ever witness in my life. She is so many wonderful things to me, I don't know who I would've gone to for my questions about my son when I was stuck, or when I was homeless and she let my son and I live with her more than once. I can only ever hope that at some point in my life I can be as strong as she is. If I could remember, who knows where Id be, but she is the reason I'm reminded to keep going regardless of any crappy thing life throws at you. If she can make it through all that I can surely get through today.
By Katie Johnson3 years ago in Families
The Force of Giggling
In the tornado of nurturing, in the midst of the restless evenings and the unending diaper changes, there exists an enchanted remedy that can change tumult into quiet, disappointment into bliss, and attacks chuckling. That solution is humor. Embracing chuckling in nurturing isn't just about making your kids snicker — it's tied in with encouraging versatility, building bonds, and implanting your everyday existence with energy. In this way, we should investigate how integrating humor into regular nurturing can really be a unique advantage.
By Sharon Adhiambo5 days ago in Families
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.