The thirty missed calls Friday

I don't know where to begin. It is suffice to say that within the span of one hour and a change, I received over 30 missed calls and messages on WhatsApp, Telegram, Signal, phone lines, and SMS from my family.

Yes, over 30 in one fucking hour. Of course, some of them were angry messages like, "WTF, aren't you picking up your phone??!!!" or "For fuck's sake..."

It all happened when I went for a house visit between 18:30 and 19:30. It is not like it was midnight or anything. Needless to say, I talked with them yesterday at exactly around 19:30. My usual daily call to them is always between 18 and 20, when I finish my work. 90% of the time, it is between 18:30 and 19:30 that I call them.

So it wasn't some unusual time, nor was it outside my usual timespan. I called back at 19:40, rushing and panicking, thinking something bad had happened. After all, I am here in Germany and they are in Iran. Until my mom picked up the phone, I nearly shat myself.

She picked up with a worried voice and I was like, what happened? And she told me exactly the same thing: "What happened, my son? Why don't you pick up?" I explained that I went to a house visit and was sitting down with the owner to discuss some details, especially pricing and exploring the options of possibly moving forward. A tense and important discussion that I preferred to have my phone on silent for, so I wouldn't be bothered.

She fucking called in the middle of my discussion. My phone was in my pocket and silent, and I didn't notice. Then, from that point onward, she and my brother hammered my phone nonstop and even bothered my sister on the other end of the world, early in her morning, to tell her that I wasn't picking up my phone. Then she panicked and tried to call me too.

Not even late

Unfortunately, this is not the first time, nor will it be the last time they do this. I am not sure what to do about it. I have had so many discussions with them about it. I have been out of the country for over 15 years now. If anything had happened, it would have happened already. Not at the age that I am, nearly 40 years old. Nine out of ten times they call, I am home. Sometimes I am on the way to the grocery store, coming back from work, or just heading out with my partner.

But they don't understand it. Absolutely not. Until a few years ago, I was thinking that maybe they were just panicky. That is true to a certain degree, but retrospectively, my entire life made me realize they are just controlling.

Inflexible to change, and even if I have a legitimate reason for it, I am met with anger and blame anyway. Like, you could have just sent a message.

Maybe I was having sex

Goddammit, maybe I was making love. In that moment, how the fuck am I supposed to pick up a phone and send a message and then say what? "Mommy, I am having sex with my gf. We just got started." WTF, man...

I had to take a break to cool myself down and write the rest of this piece.

It is so frustrating knowing this is going to happen again and won't change at all.

They just don't understand it and always come up with a lame-ass excuse to justify this irrational behavior and shift the blame onto me. I had to limit my social contact just to cater to them and, sadly, lie many times. Like saying I am on the way to the gym when I was going to a party or a club because I knew the day after I would get interrogated, even at this age, with questions like, "When did you come back?", "Why did you come back late?", "Don't drink alcohol."

It is beyond overprotection. It is controlling. And maybe when I was in my early 20s, it would have made sense, but not at this age. And a person like me who is a computer nerd, not a social butterfly or a person with risky behavior.

The interrogation

It is funny that the other day I went with my buddy for dinner, and afterwards we stuck around a bit to chitchat. Mainly guys' topics, like work, life, mental health, relationships, and so on. I sent both my mom and brother a message that I was out for dinner and would call when I was done.

My friend and I parted around 21:30, and I sent a message and told my mom it was late for her, just wanted to tell her I was fine and nearly home. We would talk tomorrow.

Of course, I had to lie. I was like 50 minutes away from home but didn't want to make them panic and have them wait until I got home instead of going to sleep.

Anyway, she said okay and goodnight and told me to be safe.

The next day, I came to be interrogated again. What time did you exactly arrive home? I said, like 21:45. "Isn't it too late? You should have maybe come back earlier. And for what reason did you want to meet your friend? What did you eat? Don't eat oily food. Did you also go for a drink?"

Such a trivial thing, something basic for everyone, became like a court of God and Judgment Day for me.

Low energy

Cycling back to yesterday. I think I know what happened. On Thursday, I called them around 19:30 and I was super tired. I had a very tiring and unfulfilling day at work. Then I also had a lot to do at home. Answering agents' messages. Following up on some and overall being a bit frustrated. I called my brother while simultaneously, with an empty stomach and no dinner at home, talking to him and handling the emails. I was a bit distracted and slow to respond to his usual questions of what time I arrived home and so on.

Then suddenly his tone shifted and he said, "Hey, what's up? Why are you so sluggish??? Why are you such a low energy???"

That word, that fucking word, "low energy," triggers me so much. All because of them.

I snapped and told him, "Why are you talking to me like this, man? This is accusatory language." He said he was not accusing me, but if I felt that way, he apologized. My response was, "No need to apologize. I am tired. I just came back home and have things to do. It was a long day at work, and what you are saying isn't helping."

He said, "Okay, now I hand the phone to Mom and talk to her because it seems you don't want to talk to me and you are 'low energy' today."

I am in my head like, WTF, bro. I just explained it to you, and you went back to the same shit and started being fictitious.

Ruined Friday

I believe they made a scenario in their head. Like, "Okay, he was 'low energy' today. Let's call him tomorrow." Then I didn't pick up the phone and they went spiral crazy.

It is going to bother them more, and it is really sad. 😔

Because now my Friday and their Friday got ruined.