The Story Behind My New Last Name

As many people have noticed, I recently legally changed my last name from Blessing to Blessing-Nelson. Since men don't ordinarily change their last names after getting married, I have been getting many questions from people who are curious about why I changed my name. The short answer to why my last name is now different is because I got married, and one of the many decisions you have to make when you get married is what your last name will be going forward. There are many options, and my wife and I chose to both hyphenate our names (we now both have the last name of Blessing-Nelson).

Before I go much further, it is important to briefly discuss the importance of names. Names are a key part of our identity. In fact, at least on paper, they are our identity. They are how people know us, how people identify us to others, how we attribute ownership to property and authorship to our creations, and how we hold ourselves out to the world. They also help identify you as a member of a family. Additionally, some people place a special significance or importance in their name, and some people take special pride in their name, possibly due to being named after a specific person, because they belong to a noteworthy family, or for any number of other reasons.

Regardless, names are important to a person’s identity. It therefore stands to reason that the decision to change your name is a very serious one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. After all, changing your name is a time consuming task with many implications that will affect you for the rest of your life. As such, the decision to change your name is one that should only be made after careful consideration.

Also important to briefly mention is the history behind women taking their husband’s last names. Briefly put, the tradition dates back to a time when married women were essentially viewed by the law as the property of their husband. They did not have a legal existence separate from their husband's, and were usually viewed as a legal dependent of their husband. Even though most people don’t view a woman taking her husband’s last name as her becoming his property anymore, it is important to recognize the historical context behind this tradition and its impacts.

It is also worth noting that while the norm in America and some other countries is for a wife to assume her husband's name, that is certainly not the case worldwide and in some countries it is even illegal. Simply put, naming conventions are a cultural norm, and one that is certainly susceptible to change as the years go on.

Now, to be clear, that is nothing wrong with a woman choosing to take her husband's last name if that is what she desires. In fact, most women still choose to take their husband's name. However, thanks to the work of many activists, women are no longer legally forced to and many choose not to.

There are many alternatives to a woman taking her husdand's last name. This includes her hyphenating her name while he retains his name. Historically, hyphenating was often done to combine families and their respective fortunes. In more recent times, it has become more of a statement of equality and a way for women to keep their own last name while also taking their husband's name.

Another option is for the husband to take his wife's last name. Additionally, a recent trend is for both partners to hyphenate their names (and sometimes they even create a new name altogether). This is done to signify two people coming together and starting a new family/life as equals. It also signifies the coming together of two different families. I personally know of multiple couples, including some of my best friends, who, just like my wife and I, have decided to mutually hyphenate their last names.

In the case of my wife and myself, we disscussed it together and both also privately reflected upon the options and our disires. Ultimately, we decided that the best decision for us was for both of us to hyphenate our names. That way we would both share the same last name without either of us having to give up our name entirely. And, to be clear, it was not something I ever imagined myself doing until recently, and it is something I considered for a long time (since before I even got engaged) before reaching my ultimate decision. But ultimately, after much deliberation, I decided this was the best choice for me.

Now, I am not saying that any one choice is right when it comes to choosing what your last name will be after you get married. It is a deeply personal decision that needs to be made after a lot of consideration and discussion with your partner. Whatever decision you make, you should not make it lightly and you should make one you are comfortable with, after all, it is one you will have to live with forever. Additionally, whatever choice people make regarding their names, it is important that we as a society are respectful of their choices and respect their new names.