I had a plan. Finish school, get married, and have kids. God had something else up his sleeves. Never did I expect to become a mom at age 21, let alone becoming a single mom. When I took the home pregnancy test and I saw that this time this test was positive, I was shocked. Full of emotions (I have had other pregnancy scares in the past with my best friend), I told my best friend/father of my child I was pregnant over a text message, since he wasn't answering his phone. I felt alone because I knew what his reaction was going to be. During this time, he and I were going through some things to where we were not in a healthy place. I truly thought it was going to be me and my child forever in the beginning. He didn't want anything to do with our baby when I found out. It took months for him to come around. He may have been there my whole pregnancy, but he caused me a lot of stress. I had many nights where I cried myself to sleep. I would find myself walking into work with red eyes because he was making me cry. Never was it easy. I was hurting a lot and he seem like he didn't care about my feelings or about the stress he was putting on to our baby.
On top, it took two days for my mom to come around. I truly felt like I had no one. No one to talk to, no one to say that "everything is going to be alright," no one to hug or to hold me tight when I bawled my eyes out. Eventually, my mom came around. She even apologized for not being there for me for those couple of days and how she reacted. I mean could I blame her for her reaction? No, I couldn't. I had my whole life ahead of me. I was the one with a plan. I was the one in my family they least expected to have a baby before marriage. I only had two more semesters left until I graduated with my Associates Degree. I had a plan.
Well, sometimes plans change. My plans changed for the better. I never knew how amazing it felt to be carrying another little human being in you for 9 months. I still had my worries, if I was ever going to do it alone during that tough time. Still to this day it's hard for me. His dad and I were never a couple and I wish we could be. Not for the sake of our child, but because we truly love and care for each other. Some days it's hard looking at his dad/my bff, because I'm even more in love with him. Seeing him with his daughter over these three crazy years, I would fall deeper and deeper in love with him. The four of us make a family. I love my little family. We may not be together, but his dad and I have come so far from our rough patch. Our relationship we have keeps getting stronger day by day. One thing the children will always know is no matter what, we will always care and love each other so much, like we already do.
Our son is one of the most amazing unexpected surprises to come into our lives. I love them both so much. I can't even explain it. The love you feel when you become a parent is something spectacular, but also worrisome.
Honestly, I loved being pregnant. Feeling the movements, the hiccups, is something so amazing. A woman's body is an amazing thing. We carry and grow a tiny little egg to a beautiful baby. I loved when I was reading stories to him in my belly, I would feel him move around. I fell so deeply in love with this little boy and I couldn't imagine my life without him.
Labor and delivery was something else. It was so painful and eventually I had to be rushed to get a C-section after being in labor for 19 hours and only at 5 cm dilated. Recovery was tough and painful. I did it, though. Looking at my son, seeing how healthy and handsome he is, was worth all the pain I felt. Let me tell you, a C-section sucks, especially when you need to get up out of bed. It was impossible to do it alone. My mom was helping me with everything. I am beyond grateful for my mom.
Now that I have recovered wonderfully from the C-Section, I do everything on my own, with a little help here and there from my support system. It's definitely hard. I barely sleep. I'm lucky to get a couple of hours of sleep in a day. I think it's funny when people say "sleep when the baby sleeps." That is impossible in itself between trying to figure out when to sleep, when to eat, let alone even drink something, and even when to pump or nurse my child. Then on top, baby dishes need to be done. You don't have time to sleep. EVER! Those are just a few aspects of being a mother.
I love being a mom. Do I want to be single and doing this? Nope, but no one wants to be a single mom. But we do it! Though, I am beyond grateful God chose me to bring this handsome boy into this world. Matter of fact, baby boy is sitting in between my legs while I write this. He is staring at the screen. He is the best gift to ever happen to me.
So yeah, I had a plan. That was my plan then. My plan now? Well, focusing on my son, and working to save up money (as much as I can) to get back to school and get my degree. It definitely will be hard, but I have an amazing support system to help. Nothing ever comes easy in life. When God threw this curve ball at me, I caught that ball with a fight. I am so blessed to start a new chapter in my life, and one with a little boy in my plans. Everything revolves around him. I will do everything for him and make sure he has everything he will need and more.