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The silent, stubborn old man left alone and silent ......

by Phil Holzer 2 months ago in adoption
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The silent stubborn old man left ......

The silent, stubborn old man left alone and silent ......
Photo by Mihai Lazăr on Unsplash

I remember my grandfather as tall, serious, and fierce. Grandpa reprimanded me loudly, but did not beat me, still think he was fierce. Because grandmother often said that when she married at the age of 16, the family is the old lady in charge, grandfather especially listen to the words of the old lady, grandmother was often beaten, often secretly hiding and crying, so at that time always feel that grandfather is very fierce.

The old lady in Grandma's mouth is not a kind old lady, there are many stories about this old lady, in short, Grandpa is not a very good-tempered person.

But this fierce old man in my childhood and like a big hero, some of my memories of childhood are related to the mother, and some are related to the grandparents.

Some of my childhood memories are related to my mother, while others are related to my grandparents. Those memories related to my mother include being beaten and being beaten for doing wrong, and my grandfather was my big hero at this time.

My mother was a little loud, and I could often hear her shouting at me to come home for dinner in the village, and I couldn't help but feel scared when I heard it, so I ran home quickly. After all, the most beating I received as a child was from my mother, the venue was in the kitchen, when my mother beat me and no one dared to come over to persuade, only my grandfather could.

But grandpa is a mason, only dinner time will come home, home when you see mom scold me he will be like a hero, directly over to carry me away, so every time you are beaten, the most hope is that grandpa can hurry to close, and then go home to save my little poor, then grandpa is always so great.

I remember my grandfather rarely smiling, resting under the peach tree in the courtyard, taking out his cigarette sticks, then folding the irregular paper into a long narrow one to roll the tobacco leaves, and then stuffed into the round mouth inside, with a match to light, I always tried to help my grandfather to light the fire, but rarely could use a match to light. At that time, I liked the taste of smoke.

Later on, there was less tobacco, so grandpa started smoking boxed cigarettes, the cheapest Tangshan, yellow packaging, always placed in the chest pocket.

Grandpa's clothes are few and far between, and now I remember that the style is like a history book Tangshan suit, the color is like the color of the soil, this dress is not grandpa's, but the clothes that big father did not wear, and then gave grandpa, is the grandfather wore many times the clothes, rural people will die, will like to burn things in life, so that people in the ground can receive, this dress can not, because this is not grandpa's clothes.

Grandpa is the most face to me, elementary school, my aunt just married not long ago, because the relationship with my mother-in-law is not good, after the birth of a child life is very difficult, because work can not regularly take time off, so the grandmother will go to the aunt's home from time to time to help with the children, this time the family is only me and grandpa, I am in elementary school and to go out to work grandpa.

I tend to get out of school much earlier than my grandfather. So the cooking thing when it comes to curiosity about cooking when I was a child, I thought it was a very artistic thing, so I often watched my grandmother cooking, really to do it themselves, either there is a salty light problem, or not cooked, but every time grandpa came back from work, will eat the rice I made clean, in the mouth of grandpa, it is always delicious.

The most vividly colored thing I remember is the time of the year when the farm is busy, harvesting wheat and planting rice seedlings, one can stay outside until late in the day every day, and the other can play with water brightly.

Wheat harvesting time is when the weather is getting hot, families go out early to cut the wheat while it is cool, and the adults collect the wheat in the fields. The children were on the side of the road guarding the cut wheat neatly larded on the side of the road, waiting for the vehicles to come and go to thresh it.

By Richard Bell on Unsplash

Now you can still see such a scene when you go home, only the elderly are left to guard the side, the children are gradually growing up, families, school, school, working outside the family may only be able to get together during the New Year, usually only a group of old men and women left in the countryside, these familiar faces are slowly diminishing, or old enough to no longer familiar, or slowly old enough not to be alive.

Grandfather did not finish elementary school, a lifetime of hard-working farmers, face to the earth, back to the sky, every inch of the body's skin seems to be the color of the soil, grandfather life in that small village.

The sky at night in the countryside is dark blue, clean, and empty, and the stars hang densely in the summer night, so big and bright that they seem to be within reach.

At night, the wheat was collected and put on the roadside, grandpa pulled the cart home, laying the bag of wheat on the cart, and I lay on it, looking up at the sky full of stars, the roadside was all kinds of weeds, smelling the unique smell of grass, I call it the smell of green, hearing the sound of various insects, and occasionally meet acquaintances to greet the voice of "back ah ", in front of my grandfather who was slowly walking with his cart.

This image is very long ago, the sky is full of stars later only in the late summer night in my hometown to see, although more than ten years have passed, let me still remember.

I can't remember what I said to my grandfather, but I remember that my grandfather was very kind and said some very fantastical things, my grandfather never said to me that people will become stars when they die, my grandfather said to study hard, the road home that day was extraordinarily short, and my grandfather was extraordinarily kind, I don't know if the night was gentle to this old man.

In junior high school, I went to school in the county and went home every twelve days, taking the evening bus, arriving home just in time for dinner, and every time my grandfather met me he would always say "the university students are back", and then he became a university student, but I never heard the phrase "the university students are back! ".

The memory really does not seem to be grandpa smiling, grandpa has a book, is my school did not use up the book, remembered clearly how much work he did every day, also has his name written in one stroke, also has his clip of money, piece by piece to buy me snacks.

By the way, grandpa's money is often sandwiched in his cigarette case, flat, when I was a child, watching grandpa take money from his cigarette case to me, I think the whole process carefully and slowly, grandpa loves to eat noodles, then grandpa can cook their noodles to eat, by the way, stir-fry a dish for themselves, to me when making noodles, I always have a duck egg in the bowl, because the family rarely raise chickens, raising all the ducks, ducks as a child yellow soft The ducks are soft and yellow when they are young, and when they grow up, they can lay eggs, and what they put in the stir-fry at home is duck eggs.

When I was young, I thought my grandfather loved snacks, because every time I came home from vacation, I would always buy a few packs of my favorite snacks from the school supermarket to bring back to my grandfather, and at that time I was very happy.

Grandpa's shoes are all the kind of shoes worn during military training, but the quality is a little worse, junior high school bought grandpa a pair of cotton shoes, a super simple but warm kind, and that pair of shoes later a few winter I have seen, think about it then this seems to be the only thing I gave grandpa, not waiting for me to grow up, grandpa went away

Later I learned that family members are to be cherished, can be good to her never say wait for the future. People live in the moment, you never know which comes first, tomorrow or the accident.

I think grandpa's life is quite kind, grandpa seems to be born unwilling to bring trouble, rarely sick, rarely bothers others, rarely asks for help, silent more, always does things sharp, never speaks and people complain.

Grandpa of course is a person with a temper, but this temper is like not eating buns to fight the kind of breath, grandpa is always silent, only silently doing things. Grandpa's forehead has a very obvious scar, grandmother said that this is the young, and grandpa a grandmother's brothers caused, when the land, grandpa has beaten alone, dead mouth not to let go of their land, and then was beaten out of the scar.

When grandfather does not work will go out to play McMahon, very little money of the kind, a few cents, win or lose is not much money, every time you come home always ask grandfather how much money won, won is a few dollars, but will be very happy, lost grandfather is also very frank.

The most worrying thing is that it's raining, grandpa is still outside and how to come back, adults will worry about the children who are out, they will be alone at home, it's raining, how the family is still not back, it's so dark, how is still not back, a person's head will be thinking about a lot of things, assuming all kinds of bad things.

My grandfather died in my first year of high school, November 11, I remember very clearly that he died at nine o'clock in the morning, when I was at school running exercises, on the way back, suddenly began to drop tears, when I returned to the dormitory at night, I saw the missed calls from my father, when I called back, I heard my father's voice hoarse: "Your father is gone.

We there are so-called grandfather, a hearing did not react at all when the father repeated, very dazed, the father said grandfather is working when suddenly died, suddenly collapsed, sent to the hospital when it is no longer is not acceptable

Grandpa is usually very healthy and has not been very sick, no one would think that he just left, grandpa died without a child around, without a family around

When I got home, my grandfather was lying in an ice coffin in the hall, his cheeks were very thin and concave, his face was dark and his eyes were tightly closed, his middle was pinched out of the wound, lying quietly, my aunt and I were sitting next to each other in silence, I thought this was probably the last time I would see my grandfather, from now on I would never see him again, how can people be so quiet and fragile, as if I had only seen my grandfather a few days before, before I heard him say, "The university students are back." No one will ever talk to me like that again.

I hope there is a soul after death, and then I will see that everyone is well, and then go to have a new beginning.

When I was young, I used to sit quietly next to my grandfather and watch him slowly roll a cigarette, often talking to him while giving him a back rub.

Those childish words as time fly away, as if you can see the tail of time flying past the side, but can not catch, the traces of the years, little by little in the body of people carved marks, grandpa's hair is always a little long, so never feel that grandpa's hair fell out, and never feel that grandpa's hair has all white.

The old man who shaved his grandfather's head was in the innermost part of our street, always in that position, and then later never saw it again.

When grandpa was cremated, the bones were cracked little by little and put into that little box

The person in charge said, he should be very tall, you see his ashes so much, think about it, grandpa is only one meter seven less, weight is only more than 100 pounds, this is a dry and thin old man, this old man loves to eat I can not accept the parsley, this old man can lift a bag of wheat at once, can carry me out of the kitchen, can use the meager income to support his four children, this old man is a little silent, occasionally smiling I will never see this old man again.

People and people do family fate is probably only this short decades, and then never again, I have my consciousness, probably also this decades, there is no next life, who is you, who are you, there is no next life, who knows, can do very little, live in the present, live in the memories of others ......


About the author

Phil Holzer

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