The raw and real about a clean house

There was an anonymous post today from a mom saying how she needed “pictures of this moment” of what people’s houses looked like to help her fight her depression and anxiety. She was stressing over having a super clean house all the time.

I’m here to tell you, if anything good has come from my wreck it’s that a clean house just isn’t worth stressing over. I’m not saying I don’t always stress about it because that does roll through from time to time like every other piece of being human. What I’m saying is that I have choices just like you.

Sure I get anxious when my house is super dirty and yes it’s a level of dirty 100% of the time, but that’s because I CHOOSE to play with my kids. I CHOOSE to let them experiment and make messes. I CHOOSE to skip laundry to do something with my kids. I CHOOSE to rest when I need to. I recognize that tomorrow there will still be dishes, laundry, and things to clean. I know what I do and I’m confident in that. I know the bathroom I JUST got clean at 3:30 will be dirty again by 3:45. I know my living room will be a collection point for toys, markers, paper, etc everyday starting at 3:40 when they walk through the door. I know my husband will rarely be able to see anything I did.

“Dirty” is perpetual and constant. There’s always dirty clothes, dirty dishes, messy rooms, dirty car, etc. Yet, it’s pushed on people to keep a clean house ALL the time. Why has society put such pressure on this? I’ll never understand it. And the amount of embarrassment people get over their house being lived in is just beyond me. And I’ll admit, I can get a varying degree of embarrassed if I planned to have you over and say my kids’ bathroom trash is overflowing with pull-ups, but that’s because I planned for lots of people to be there and a clean slate is a good starting point and a safe one too (safe as in no broken ankles from tripping on Kevin Drew-the cabbage patch kid).

You wanna know something else? I don’t clean everyday. Yep that’s right! Somedays, I’m just not doing it. I’m a caregiver to my children which means there’s rarely a day I’m not taking care of them in some form. At work you normally have others that can help pull your weight if you aren’t 100% or you can skirt by doing less when you are rundown. Not once your home taking care of another human. That “break” from the daily grind just isn’t there when you are caring for kids whether your home with them all day, or even after you pick them up after work; it’s go time once they are in your presence. What’s another thing I don’t do you ask? I don’t bark over my kids and micro manage their every move. I let my kids be kids and help them learn choices. In fact I let them mess up and instead of me using my time to clean it, I use that time to teach them how to clean it, how to be responsible, how to own up to mistakes, and fix what they can. Guess what I try to make fun? Chores. I do chores with my kids, so that makes the chores take really long sometimes. All of this is ok. In fact I think it’s great for my kids. Kids and cleaning are two things that could keep you busy 24/7. If I have to choose something I’m not taking care of one day and it’s between cleaning and my kids, it’s going to be my house.

And to be clear I clean, but my body can’t always keep going like others, so guess what? Some weeks, I hardly do anything house wise, between work and kids I would be rundown. Even now that I’m not working, it happens. And who cares for the reason? You are human, you tire, you hurt, you get stressed. Not cleaning your house for one day-or many for that matter-shouldn’t mean more punishment or judgement towards you.

Life is too hard and stressful enough already to worry about what you think about me and how I keep my house. It’s too short to worry about a dirty table when the sun is out. I’d rather have someone over to spend time with me than deny myself that moment, because I’m worried about the laundry that would be sitting next to them as we hung out.