The Mysterious Anatomy of An Extra Marital Affair

Like lots of cheat victims, not once but twice, I missed some vital clues early on in my first ex wife's extra marital affair. However, it is very easy to not cotton on when the person who your ex is cheating with is her boss at work. When the affair is happening during work hours only, and your ex, of course, always has to look her best for work, then you really haven't got anything to go on. No nights out with the girls or visiting a friend to raise your suspicions, no indications at all that something is going on behind your back. And yet......there are often very subtle signs hidden in plain sight, but it can be tough one to see them at the time.

In my case, the first indication I got was a telephone bill which was a lot more than the normal amount. And on further inspection of the itemised bill, it all seemed to be due to calling one number. And that number was only ever called when I was not at home. So, my curiosity piqued, I rang the number and ask who it was. The brutal reply totally floored me.

"Why don't you ask your wife? You're pathetic."

So ask my wife I did and she told me it was her boss. I told her about the call and sshe got angry and said it would cost her her job (which it did in the end.) Then she called me a liar and said she would call her boss to find out what was said. Her boss said I was a liar, that he had not said that. And that was the beginning of a hunt for the truth.

I thought of employing a private detective and called one. He kindly explained that it was not a cheap thing to do, the cost starting off in the hundreds and getting into the thousands. So that was a no go. However, what he said to me next was incredibly helpful.

"Generally, as long as you are well grounded and not in any way paranoid, and you think you have some cause to suspect, then it's probably true, she's cheating on you. In short, if you think she is then she probably is."

So, your partner, having aroused your suspicions that they are having an affair, may well have left a trail of clues right under your nose. These could be things you never chanced upon or you did but you didn't give much thought to. However, for sure once you start the hunt for further indications that your partner is a cheat you may come across some or all of the following clues.

One of the first clues I missed was late night telephone calls. The phone would ring, and if I picked it up, the call was cut. That never ever happened with my wife. Remember one thing, the only people who make calls late at night and hang up when you pick up the receiver are usually burglars or extra marital lovers.

Anothe clue is that secret lovers often like to constantly have with them something personal belonging to their secret beau. That something can't be something that would instantly raise your suspicions, like a gold ring, for example. Usually it is a small item of clothing, something they can touch which helps them to feel close to the other person, like for example a pair of socks.

In my case it was a pair of mens socks which I knew for a fact were not mine, though she tried to convince me that they were. I found these in a door pocket when I offered to clean her car for her. And that wasn't all I found. In her glovebox was a packet of contraceptives and a roughly drawn map of a secret hideaway. The hideaway was a small holding behind a hillock in the countryside where he kept a few sheep. There was a small concealed caravan that nobody would ever chance upon. It was the perfect place for an afternoon or evening of undisturbed extra marital fun, very far from mine and his marital homes.

The next thing that came to my attention was a series of what turned out to be secretly coded messages left on my answering machine. The one that immediately caught my ear said "Hi there, Geoff here. Just wondered if you feel like popping over to the farm to make some hay this weekend." All rather puerile and cruddy I know, and very far from the enigma code, all the same it was effective up to a point.

Another way of communicating hidden in plain sight is to send mail addressed to somebody who does not live at that address. That way if the hurt party comes across it by chance it can always be fobbed off as being something wrongly addressed to some unknown person. In my case the name they thought was cute to use was the cryptic C.Knott (See not). What came through were flyers for farmers conventions with the full address of where the convention would be, just in case my absent minded other forgot.

Other things I came across by simply searching our home were shopping receipts for purchases not for our house. The expensive china tea service I later found out was for the secret caravan. I guess it's nice to have a nice cup of earl grey after fifty shades of gray shagging on the sly.

I also chanced upon a secret bank account in her knicker drawer, where I normally would not dream of looking in, and she knew it. And I came across a secret pay as you go cellphone. It's truly amazing what you will find once you start looking.

Then I bought a cheap second phone and secreted it in the attic and listened in to her calls live. And sometimes I simply stood behind a door listening in. I was in the kitchen making a meal when I went to tell her the meal would be ready in about ten minutes. Just before I opened the door I overheard her talking about her sex life with with her lover boss with her best friend. I opened the door and she immediately changed the subject and started talking about harmless hobbies.

Some folk might find what I did as an invasion of privacy, but what if you discover that there is a plot to see you off? Do you want the heads up on that one beforehand or would you rather respect their privacy and end up dead? I am deadly serious.

In my case I did overhear something that sounded suspiciously like some harm was intended for me. What was said was a little ambiguous, again due to them speaking in a kind of semi code. However, it was more than enough to put me on high alert and to begin taking certain precautions.

Of course, there are all sorts of other give-aways, such as a missed last train and coming home the next day. Also, it's quite possible to notice when your other half is being distant and seems more than a little pre-occupied about something.

One final word of advice, more like a warning really, do not expect a good reaction if and when you confront your cheating other half with all the evidence you have found. They generally do not like being found out and get very angry indeed.

You may be accused of prying, of being delusional, of getting it all wrong, and you may well get threatened in amongst a torrent of insults and abuse. So make sure you are feeling strong and calm before you bring it all out into the open. The alternative is to just pack your bags and go, and in many ways I kind of wished lots of times that I had done just that.