The Ladybug

We all know how 2020 went. Between lockdowns, loss of jobs, loss of family members, the election, and the lack of toilet paper, it was quite an overwhelming anxiety-filled year.

I know for many it wasn't, but I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome or EDS. Because of this, I have a weakened immune system. On top of that, I am on an immune suppression drug. As you can imagine, my family was on a complete lockdown. We took our daughter out of school in February where our state didn't close school till the end of March.

My husband had a job working with the public, and he didn't have a choice but to quit. If he got his own place, we wouldn't be able to pay bills at both homes, and we couldn't afford a hotel. He also didn't qualify for unemployment because, On October 14, 2019, he was sitting at a red light, and a lady speeding, 64 MPH in a 55 MPH, and hit him from behind. He had a bad neck injury and was out of work till January 2020.

We went on lockdown the day after Valentine's day, and he didn't have enough employment history in the last 6 months. Also, she didn't have car insurance, and we had state liability, so we got nothing. We tried different ways to make money online, but it's all scams, or you make pennies. We struggled and lost a lot.

My 3 girls, ages 6, 3, and 2, have cabin fever and have been acting out. We stayed in a complete lockdown for over a year and never left home with ordering everything online. I'm not going to lie; I was going crazy too. I miss my friends and family, but I had to be safe. My mother works in a respiratory rehabilitation clinic turned into a Covid-19 clinic. We were alone.

Now with things slowly getting back to normal and my husband back at work, we moved. We couldn't catch up on payments and don't want to hurt our credit. We had a clean break, and they worked with us because of Covid-19.

We're renting, for now, but all 3 girls share a room. It's not a bad move, but we want something bigger.

Slowly we've had a few people stop by and see our new place, which the kids have loved. Oddly I've yet to call it "home." I'll say things like, "Time to go back to the house." Or "I'm at the house." I also don't call it my room; it's "The backroom." It's just not home or where I want to be. There's nothing wrong with it, and I love the yard, but it's not mine.

On Mother's day, I finally had a get-together with close friends who are fully vaccinated. Who would have ever thought that's something we'd be talking about on an invite? Check "yes" if vaccinated "no" if not. I didn't actually do that but just invited the 4 close friends that I knew were. 2 close couple friends. My husband got some fellow man time, I got girls time with my friends, and the kids had 5 friends over. It's was the perfect day.

Every year on Mother's day, I do the same thing, plant a big garden and cook a big meal. I started this when I was thirteen years old with my grandmother. She just moved to the United States, and we clicked right away. We were two peas in a pod.

Unfortunately, she passed away in September due to Covid-19 complications. I was broken, but I couldn't shut down. On Mother's day, I kept our tradition going and didn't skip a beat. I planted all my seed in the trays about two weeks ago. That way, I could plant it in the ground on Mother's day. This is how my grandma taught me and how I'm teaching my girls.

This year as I was planting my strawberry seedlings and a ladybug flew over and landed on one. Strawberries were my grandmother's favorite, and she loved ladybugs. She always said, "Once ladybugs are humming, new beginnings are coming." She loved Spring, as do I, and Spring was our new year. Spring is filled with new life and new beginnings all around us. I grabbed my phone and took one picture before moving plants, and it wouldn't let me take another one. It just kept flying from plant to plant. My grandmother hated having her picture taken, so I put my phone down, and it landed and just sat there, staring at me. After a few moments, it flew away, but not like a typical ladybug. I flew straight up. A big gust of wind blew, and I could smell her homemade rose petal perfume. At that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. I can't quite put it into words, but it felt like I was floating, and every stress I had was lifted at that moment. Trust me, I know it sounds crazy. I was a skeptic before this, but I know it was her telling me she was okay and going home. I know a lot of people don't believe in stuff like this, but I know that was her. I felt her.

Stop letting life pass you by so fast. You never know who might be reaching out or what beautiful things you might miss. If I let my depression get the best of me, I would have never planted my garden and never had this experience.