The joy of being a Mum

Waking up for the fourth time that night to breastfeed, checking the clock in the desperate hope that my 6-month-old baby had slept for longer than 2 hours. I found night times gruelling with an insatiable son to feed, but the days felt different.

My partner would have our son in the early hours while I got some more sleep. I would then wake up somehow feeling bright, alert and ready to start the day.

Being with my son made me feel whole. With his podgy arms, babbling and his need for mummy, I felt like I finally had a place in the world. To have this little being depend on me for his food, comfort and warmth, whilst overwhelming at times, also gave me a sense of purpose.

Meeting his needs, going out, and getting through the day filled my thoughts with the here and now. I no longer had the headspace for worries about work, friendships or whatever it was I was ruminating on.

For the first time in a long time, free from the commitment of my 9-5, I was able to explore the outdoors during daylight hours. We discovered nearby parks, swings, beautiful trees, woods and wildlife and made new friends that we still have today.

I write this with a certain degree of nostalgia as this was nine years ago now. At the time, there were many challenges as any new Mum will find. But my one lasting memory of that period of my life is one of such happiness and joy at being so loved and in so wholeheartedly loving back.

It gave me the confidence to feel like I mattered in the world. That if a child could need me so much then I must be worthy of being an adult and that I can be good at something.

Nine years on and I still love being a Mum. The challenges change but whenever I need to I can always feel that same bond of love, built all those years ago with my firstborn and then shared with my second son too.

We all know that having a baby can change your body, but it was to my delight when I recently discovered a fact about what babies leave behind once they are born. While in the womb, cells from the foetus can travel into the Mother’s body and stay there for years to come. This phenomenon is called ‘fetal microchimerism’ and research shows that these cells can protect the mother from disease.

This seems to be a fitting tribute to the depth of love that I have for my children and that the bond we share is not only loving but also in protecting each other; a part of them will always be with me. Along with the tiger stripe stretch marks I still have.

Thank you for giving me a place in the world my boys and for your endless love.