The Importance of Communication in Marriage

Introduction

For years, I thought good communication in marriage was a myth — even with the woman I’ve known half my life! There were days when it felt like we spoke entirely different languages. But through struggles and by God’s grace, I’ve learned a roadmap for communication that truly works. In a recent sermon, I focused on Ephesians 4:29 and the idea that our words should build others up, not tear them down. This aligns with James 1:19, encouraging us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”

Just last week, I worked with a couple who were locked in a battle of harsh accusations. Shifting to words of appreciation made a world of difference. Let me share some of that wisdom with you…

The Tips

The good news is that these biblical principles aren’t complicated, but they require intentional practice. Here are a few techniques that have helped me and countless couples I’ve worked with:

Tip #1: The Power of “I” Statements

When conflict arises, it’s easy to resort to blaming: “You always…” or “You never….” This puts your spouse on the defensive and shuts down communication. The Bible encourages addressing issues from your perspective.

Emphasize that “I” statements are NOT about weakness but about taking ownership of your feelings. Example: “I feel hurt when dishes are left out because it makes me feel like my efforts aren’t valued.” This opens the door to a solution-focused conversation instead of a blame game.

Just recently, a couple I counseled realized that their fights weren’t about chores but feelings. This simple shift in language completely changed the dynamic of their conversations.

Tip #2: Practice Active Listening

Have you ever been in a conversation where you could tell the other person was waiting for their turn to talk, not really hearing you? It’s frustrating! The Bible emphasizes listening intently to foster understanding.

Explain that active listening demonstrates respect and a desire to truly connect. Offer additional cues: making occasional eye contact, nodding, and asking follow-up questions like “Can you tell me more about that?”

One husband I worked with always felt dismissed when his wife jumped in to “fix” things. Learning to patiently listen and ask open-ended questions like, “What would be helpful right now?” transformed their interactions. Instead of feeling shut down, he felt truly heard and supported.

Tip #3: The Grace Factor

Communication in marriage won’t always be perfect. There will be times when you say things you regret or misinterpret your spouse’s words. Extending grace, rooted in God’s grace toward us, is essential for healthy communication over the long term.

Emphasize that grace doesn’t mean ignoring hurtful words or brushing conflict under the rug. It’s about:

• Offering forgiveness.
• Assuming the best about your spouse’s intentions.
• Being willing to restart the conversation after a stumble.

Example: I recently counseled a couple struggling in the aftermath of infidelity. Forgiveness wasn’t easy, but one spouse’s willingness to extend grace opened the door for healing. While their communication journey has had challenges, they’ve developed a deeper bond of trust and understanding.

Call to Action

Communication takes work, but the rewards are more than worth it! This week, choose just ONE of these tips to practice intentionally in your marriage. Notice the difference it makes!

Prayer

Lord, help us be intentional about the words we speak in our marriages. May our communication reflect your grace and love. Amen.