The Honeymoon phase does not have to end

Many married couples get caught up in planning a big wedding and an expensive honeymoon. The high from all of this can quickly fall when they are back to life, and reality. For some reason, there are couples, especially wives who use sex as a punishment and reward. This sets couples up for a lot of pitfalls. When you believe that your body is a weapon, this takes away from a couple being joined as one when they make love. As time goes by there is less value on virginity and monogamy in our society and what you do not value, you will misuse.

If you consider coming together with your spouse as a chore, you are missing out on one of the basic fundamentals of what can keep a honeymoon going. The honeymoon phase is considered to be when a couple are young in the relationship and everything seems to be going the way they both desire. They are very much in love and have an intense desire for one another. Just because time goes on and life happens does not indicate that you must stop loving and desiring your husband or wife.

The first thing to understand is that as people age they will change. The key is to go with the flow and adjust to the changes. Weight may be gained or lost, hair turns gray or baldness occurs. If your attraction is only to the physical attributes of your significant other you will not do well with these changes. Couples need to accept each other as time marches on and remember their vows. when you love the entire person, you look past the signs of aging and see their soul. Most older couples today heard the traditional wedding vows of for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health till death do us part.

Some couples are so caught up in the wedding and honeymoon that they don't contemplate what they were saying "I do" to. When you take these words seriously you are better able to put them into practice. You will be able to love your spouse no matter what because you have determined to honor what was said on the wedding day. Should your husband or wife do something that hurts you, consider saying "I don't like what you did but I love you." Too many people say "I hate you" and once those words are out there they stick. Keep lighting the flame and the fire will last.

Forgiveness is important as is the old adage of not allowing the sun to go down on your wrath. Whatever is going on try to resolve it before bedtime and never tell your spouse to sleep on the couch. This is a breach of the basis of the relationship and damage can be done that might not be repaired. Instead of punishing and rewarding with the sex act, consider using it always and only as an expression of your love and commitment to each other. Seal every argument with a kiss and follow up with expressing your affection with the act of making love. Go to bed and wake up in each other's arms and you will build an unbreakable bond.

To each his own but cheating, swinging, and sister wives all decrease the connection between one man and one woman. Statistics indicate that such marriages do not last for the long term. It may sound old school and boring but there is no magic bullet for remaining together for the long haul. When you take seriously the vows of forsaking all others you will begin to put your spouse first over family and friends. This will keep you from being bullied and teased by single friends into activities that might end your marriage.

Please understand this is not about a husband or wife controlling and dominating their spouse and cutting off everyone else. This is about boundaries, protecting your spouse, and not allowing other people to ruin your relationship. When they call you a henpecked husband, agree and say you are proud. When the girlfriends tease you for being a one man woman and suggest you fool around, laugh and walk away. If you believe you should be spending excessive amounts of time with single friends and you need your space then perhaps you were not cut out for marriage.

Putting your spouse first and enjoying your time in bed together will help you remain in your honeymoon phase. Look forward to the time you spend alone with your husband or wife. Hold hands, hug, and kiss often. Life happens but you don't have to let it tear you apart. Say I love you even when you are really not feeling it because love is an action. No matter how frustrated you get with your spouse, don't give details to others. This only puts people in your business and will cause more problems. The focus should be on improving the union with your husband or wife and not trying to get away from it.

When you say I love you often, and make sure to not go long periods without making love before you know it time will have gone by. You will find you have weathered some serious storms and not even realize how you did it. Making your spouse your best friend does not mean never having other friends. it simply indicates that you have your priorities straight. When someone says "The old ball and chain" you won't feel a thing because you love your spouse and are proud to be married. Any single friend that does not respect your spouse is not truly a friend at all.

Hug and kiss often, say "I love you" many times during the day. Touch each other lovingly and it keeps your feelings fresh. I will never understand wives who dislike their spouses to touch them. This is a part of being married and most women love their husbands to show they still desire them. Trials will come but you go through them united and that's the glue that will keep your relationship solid. I knew a couple who were married for over 50 years. They would sit on their front porch together like teenagers and one evening the wife died on that porch in her husband's arms.

Think long term and keep Robert Browning's poem about aging couples in mind. “Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, 'A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!” I understand that there are couples who have remained together in unconventional unions. I know there is no one size fits all when it comes to holy matrimony. What you have just read is my perspective from my own 40 years of marriage and the unions of other long-married couples I know. The attitude of you and me against the world really does work.

I think of the late Princess Diana who said there were 3 people in her marriage, referring to Camilla Parker Bowles) and she said it was a bit crowded. There was a TV show where the theme song said "Three's company too" but I do believe that more couples will agree with the age-old saying that "Three is a crowd." Those who disagree and have a different type of success story can write their own article. Many times people look for quick fixes and something new and different. The truth most often is that in some situations the tried and true remains the same no matter how many decades go by.