The Finale

It was a particularly cold year in Seattle, Washington, and Christmas was closing in fast. I haven't done any of my shopping yet, but I only had my dad and my grandma to buy gifts for because we were still fairly new to the region. We had just lost my mother (Cathy)to cancer 3 months before. My father Henry and my grandmother Sarah thought it best that we sell the old house and move here from Oregon to start fresh. Truth be told I was very angry that we had to leave the only home I have ever known, but grandma Sasa(that is what I called her when I was a baby because I couldn't quite say Sarah at two years old) told me that living in that house was very painful for my dad, so this would be best to help us all heal from watching my poor wonderful mother waste away to her death, she had metastatic Cancer that had spread to other parts of her body, so there was nothing they could do to save her. Grandmother said we could remember all the good things about her in a new place without constantly remembering the bad. I agreed, but I really loved my momma and missed her terribly, that house was the last place I saw her alive, but she wasn't well. My name is Carolina and I am a 15 year old with a broken heart.

I remember spending everyday with her in her room reading great stories to her and we would have a little bookclub discussion about each one and what we interpreted from the authors writing style. We read titles such as Little Women, Practical Magic, The Hobbit Chronicles, Harry Potter series, and the list goes on. I am so glad we did, the discussions we would have were life changing and the memories we made will never die. My mother was always a great lover of books, she was a huge fan of Danielle Steel novels, her favorite was "One Day at a Time" she read it 5 or 6 times over the course of owning it, I have never been a huge fan of Ms. Steele's, but to each her own right?

I also learned that my mother was a Champion Ice Skater at one time in her life before my father and I were ever part of the picture. She made the cut when she turned 17 to go to the Olympics, but her papa was not having "any daughter of his skating around half naked for the world to see", and just like that her dreams were dashed! He refused to sign the papers that would allow her to be a part of it legally, and got highly insulted when the coaching team offered to pay him to let her go. She said he barked "My daughter is not for sale, and I'll not be party to her ruination" so she didn't get to pursue that dream. She ended up going to medical school and becoming a very popular pediatrician. She was my doctor her entire life, so I knew I was in great hands, but now who will take her place? I guess I will just have to do my research to find as close a match to her as I can. I am a growing girl and am now needing a doctor for my "woman" problems, so it looks like an OBGYN is in my future...yuck! I'm really having a hard time with my mother being gone...forever, I don't know how to deal with not being able to just go and talk to her. Grandma says she isn't far away and if I just ask god, he will relay any messages I have for her, because he is our father in heaven, she is now safe, loved and out of misery. I know someday I will see her again, but it's going to be a while, so while I am still living on earth, I will do everything I can to make momma and God proud. We did get alot of time together before she passed, and she always said the most wonderful things to me. I asked her once why she loved me? did she love me because she was my mother and she felt an obligation or was it me? she smiled and said "God gave me a perfect gift when he gave me you and God doesn't make mistakes, I knew the day you were layed in my arms that I would know love like I had never known, I fell in love with you at that very moment, and I have been in love with you ever since". I almost cried when she said that, what a beautiful soul she was. Before she got so sick, I asked her about Ice skating and she told me how she would practice every day at the ice rink until the winters would come, her family came from a little place in Ontario, Canada called Kenora and they had amazing times on the lake when it was iced over in the winter, it was not a well known lake so not alot of outsiders, she talked about a particular lake named Lake of the Woods, it was close to home and she loved to go there and skate until dark. She just loved that Icy lake, she felt like she was one with it when she was skating on it. It was not the "Great Lakes" but she said it was a large grand lake! In November the lake would be open to Ice fishing so she had a little spot that she really loved away from all that, however, she could skate for literally miles if she wanted to, but she chose to take markers so she could only skate around the size of the rink she was allowed, but when she was done with practice, she would free skate, and that was her favorite time!

I asked her one day during the winter if she could take me ice skating, and she got up, walked over to the closet and pulled out her old ice skates. She told me to try them on, I did and they were a perfect fit! She and I found an Ice skating rink and she started to teach me there, then we discovered a frozen pond in Bend called the Pavillion, it is a very popular little pond, but when it first opened at noon it was pretty desolate, so my mother would rent skates to use and we would go skating together, and grandma would sit and watch. I got to see my mother do some amazing things on skates! she jumped and twirled, she skated like a beautiful princess on the ice, I will never forget the look on her face, that peaceful smile and her eyes closed, like there was nobody else in the world...just her and the Ice maiden she seemed to be dancing with...this was her finale...and what an amazingly graceful finish it was, for her it was magical, and I was and always will be ever so greatful to have shared that with her. A memory I can recall anytime I like, and I do often.