The Choice

A little over six and a half years ago I was just becoming a legal adult. After a surprising heartbreak and betrayal, a friend encouraged me to get back out there and meet new people to help... raise my spirits so to speak.

But this story isn't about my heartbreak nor is it about the man I fell in love with. This story is about how I was given a choice, I would even go as far as to call it an ultimatum by my mother. A woman who I have always trusted completely. But I was doing things she did not entirely approve of.

A year after I fell in love with this man, we decided on something I never thought I would do. We decided to get married. I never believed in marriage, growing up without a father and seeing my friends' parents in loveless, abusive relationships. It just seemed like a fairy tale to have a good relationship. Maybe I was overtaken with emotion, maybe I was too young to think clearly at 19 years old.

He was in the military, and he was planning to reenlist. Immature and young as it may seem I didn't want to lose him. The year we were together was so easy, it all just came together. And when we decided to take this step, it was an easy conversation. As if we were talking about where to get dinner that night. I don't say this to imply there wasn't romance. I say this because there was no struggle between us. And that's why I knew I wasn't making a mistake.

But my mother believed I was too young to make this decision. She liked him enough, she even encouraged us to move in with each other. To live together, but to hold off on the wedding. Under normal circumstances maybe we would have, but it felt as if we were under a deadline. He was going to reenlist and they could've taken him away from me. I couldn't let that happen.

I told my mother I didn't want to wait and she managed to convince me to hold off on the wedding for slightly less than a year and if we did, then she would pay for my wedding. A wedding I didn't even know I wanted, but the more we began preparing for it the more I realized it was something I wanted. I remember getting excited about things I had made fun of in the past like picking out the reception area and trying on wedding dresses. I remember standing in front of that floor-length mirror in a dress that... brought tears to my eyes. I thought the dress wasn't real it seemed ridiculous that one specific dress would draw so much emotion from me but it happened.

But as time went on I realized I didn't want to wait. I tried to compromise with my mother, to say we could get married officially sooner and we could have the reception when she wanted me to have it so that other members of our family could make the party. But she didn't like this idea, she wanted the official marriage to occur later. We argued about it and she told me if I did not get married when she wanted me to, that she wouldn't give me a wedding and I would have to move out now.

One of the reasons this was such a big deal for me I would need to give context about my life growing up. That I was always with her, she worked from home and I was homeschooled my entire life. I had been so caught up in the love I had for him that it didn't even occur to me that I would be moving out. That I wouldn't be living with my family anymore.

I felt betrayed so much more than any stupid boyfriend relationship I had in the past. I felt so incredibly manipulated and coerced. Finally, I decided that I was going to do what I originally had planned and I would have to adhere to her terms. The moment I told her I was going to get married when I wanted I had to move out of the house. There was even a moment when I thought she wouldn't come to my small wedding.

We ended up getting married in a small park on a beautiful day, and my sister gave me away. I don't regret my choices, though outside circumstances made things more difficult than they had to be.

With all of that being said, this isn't me complaining about my mother. This is about how I managed to get through the hardship of all of this when I didn't have any faith in myself at the time. I never felt brave enough to go out on my own. I never believed I would get married nor that I would go to college. But I did. I got married to a great man, who inspired me to attend college, in a different state at that.

We have been married for over five years, after moving away from both of our families, and both hold bachelors' degrees. I sometimes feel like I haven't accomplished much of anything. But when I look back on what I have done I realize how... brave I really am. That I am much stronger than my inner voice tells me. And even though many friends and family have hurt me since then I am still going strong and with him by my side. I wholeheartedly believe things happen for a reason and I believe in my heart and soul that everything will work out in the future, just like I knew it would work out with my husband.

Now it is nearly 2022, and we plan to move back. Closer to both of our families with the immense hope that we can mend our relationships without such physical distance between all of us. My hope... to mend the relationship with my family especially, before I have a child, because I want my family to be involved in my life.