The Chaperones

“They were made for each other,” John said, as he looked in the bedroom mirror to straighten his tie. “It’s like they’re both out of a former century; neither one of them has a clue how to romance someone in modern times. They’re both so nerdy and hopeless.”

“Then, why do you keep him on, if he’s so clueless?” Darlene asked, as she followed him down the stairs, carrying John's briefcase that he had forgotten in their bedroom.

“Because he’s the best Information Technology employee I’ve ever had; the company would be lost without Bart managing our I.T. department. Why do you keep Anya on?” John said, pouring his coffee into a to-go paper cup.

“She’s the best librarian we’ve ever had at the school. I’ve never seen the high schoolers so interested in reading, since we hired her. John, can’t you please have breakfast with me, just this once?” Darlene pleaded, handing him his briefcase.

“Sorry, but I’ve gotta run… busy day today.” John replied with a peck so quick, he almost missed Darlene's cheek altogether, as he took his briefcase from her.

“Like always,” Darlene grumbled under her breath. “John, promise me you’ll make it home so we can eat supper together tonight. I’ll make something special. Do you promise?”

“I promise,” he sighed, as he bounded down the front steps.

"So, how do you propose we get them together?” Darlene called after him.

“You invite Anya to help with our company volunteer project this weekend, to clean up from the flooding in Cedar Rapids, and I’ll invite Bart. Then, we’ll move on to phase two of ‘Operation Bart & Anya'—get that lost Geek to ask that Bookworm out on a date! Laterrrrrr…” John’s voice faded as he jumped into his Mercedes and sped away.

Every year, John’s company picked a community relations project for which employees could volunteer. This year, they helping to restore one of the homes in Cedar Rapids, Iowa which had been destroyed by devastating flood waters. Darlene had always recruited some of the teachers and staff at the high school, to help. This year, she would make an extra effort to ensure Anya participated, in order to play matchmaker with her and Bart.

Even though Anya was 38, she was extremely shy around the opposite sex… not that she had that many interactions, the way she dressed so modestly. Heaven forbid Anya should ever wear a sleeveless top or any skirt above the knee. As for a bit of cleavage, well, that was totally out of the question! But, she was certainly attractive—and a kinder soul would be hard to find. Whenever anybody at school was going through a difficult time, Anya was always the first one to offer a listening ear—and a comforting casserole. There was just something about her quiet ways that made everybody at ease with pouring out their heart to her. The children absolutely adored her! Darlene could tell, because she’d had so many kids come into her office, asking if they could switch their before-class home room to the one that met in Anya's library.

“I wonder what her secret is to getting the kids’ day off to such a good start? She’d make a good Mom, someda—” Darlene paused mid-thought, because it was too painful to continue. Before Darlene and John were married, John had voiced his desire to be a father, which made Darlene so happy at the time, because she’d always imagined her kitchen table filled with children all around. But, ever since John’s career skyrocketed him to the top, he dismissed the thought of having children. It continued to break Darlene’s heart when every time she broached the subject, John would say, “Let’s wait until next year; I’ll be done with this goal or that project at work by then.” But, the perfect year never came.

That night, an intimate table was set, candles were lit, wine was poured, and supper had been keeping warm in the oven for a long time—too long. Finally, Darlene texted John, “Where are you? Supper is ready.”

After a pause, John texted back, “CEO dropped in. Meant to cancel with you, but haven’t had a chance to breathe. On way to supper with my team. Rain check?”

Darlene blinked back tears, but replied, “No worries. Hey, I lied to Anya that Bart had a crush on her. She’s on board for Cedar Rapids in morning, FYI.”

John responded, “LOL, great minds think alike. I lied to Bart that Anya has a crush on him! I offered to double-date if he’d ask her out, K?”

“Sounds good,” Darlene texted back.

After setting her phone down on the table, Darlene sat down herself; and began to sip her glass of wine. Her melancholy was interrupted momentarily by her surprise at the tastiness of the merlot. “Hey, this is rather good! What is it?” she said, and looked at the label. “Hmmm… it’s from that monthly wine club: Bright Cellars’. They really DO know how to match us up to the best wine!”, she thought to herself. “If Bart and Anya do have a first date, I’ll suggest that Greek restaurant where they let you bring your own wine, and bring this Jetbird merlot for Bart and Anya. This will go good with their supper…” Then she suddenly remembered tonight, there would be no intimate supper for her & John—as usual. Darlene took supper out of the oven and dumped it into the trash compactor, no longer hungry.

The volunteer day went well; it was like a painting party. Afterward, as John and Darlene were cleaning up at home, John laughed, “Can you believe Bart dropped his phone into his bucket of paint? I told you he’s clueless! Poor guy.”

“But it really broke the ice between him and Anya, didn’t it? She’s pretty shy, but always being quick to help someone. Did you see how quickly she was at his side with a wet cloth?”

“That’s true. It gave him an opening to ask her out,” agreed John. "Looks like we’re double-dating for a movie followed by supper, next Saturday.”

Darlene retorted, “So, give the guy some credit! When’s the last time you took ME to see a movie?”

John answered gruffly, “Well, I’m taking you now, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” Darlene conceded. “Let’s take them to that Greek restaurant afterward. I want to bring along a bottle of that Jetbird merlot to give them. It’s great!”

“Sure, I haven’t had a chance to try our Bright Cellar’s shipment yet. I can't wait to try it!” John said.

“Well, this bottle will be just for them. I really think we need to sit apart from them at the movie and at a different table at supper, don't you? If we want them to have a good first date, let’s just be chaperones, okay?” Darlene asked.

John reluctantly said he’d go along with that, after lamenting that it would be more fun if they were at the same table. “Oh well, I have lots of texts and emails I need to reply to anyway, I guess.”

Darlene shot him a look of disappointment that he wasn’t pleased at the prospect of spending a date-night with her, but John didn’t catch it. “What am I, chopped liver?” Darlene concluded to herself.

Saturday night, John & Darlene picked up Bart first, beeping the horn until he came out to the car. When they stopped at Anya’s house, John started to beep the horn again, but Bart objected, “NO! The proper procedure is for me to go to the door!” When he walked to the door, Anya’s father invited him in for a chat, before allowing his daughter to accompany him on a date.

John shook his head, “I can’t believe it. Ha ha, look! He’s taking his shoes off before he goes inside!”

Darlene explained, “It’s a very fine tradition from Anya’s Asian culture, John. I wish I could get you to take off your shoes before you come into our house!” But John had lost interest in the conversation and was already on his cell phone, taking advantage of the wait to make a few phone calls. By then, Bart had returned, opening the car door for Anya before walking around to the other side.

At the Cinema, John snickered again when Bart was too cheap to get separate popcorn tubs. “Looks like they’ll have to share,” he shook his head. John did, however, remember the plan to be chaperones; so rather than sit by them, he explained to Bart, “Darlene and I are just here to chaperone, so we’ll sit a few rows back, to give you two some privacy on your first date.” There was no objection from either Bart or Anya.

At one point, John was tempted to throw some popcorn at Bart, if Darlene hadn’t stopped him. “Don’t you dare!” she objected in a whisper.

“But,” John whispered back to complain, “He hasn’t even TRIED to hold her hand yet. He needs to wake up, already!”

Darlene sighed and silently wished John would realize he hadn’t tried to hold HER hand yet, either.

In the Greek restaurant, John stifled a guffaw when Bart sat at the same side of the booth as Anya. But, he kept his composure as he explained once again, how he and Darlene would chaperone from a nearby table, but dinner was on him, so they should order whatever they wanted. Darlene presented them with the bottle of Jetbird merlot and said, “It’s such a pleasure to be here for your first date. I hope you two will enjoy this bottle of wine.”

“That is so kind of you,” responded Anya, with sparkling eyes.

Bart immediately recognized the label. “How did you know I love this selection from Bright Cellars? It helps boost the immune system!”

“Really?” inquired Anya. “How so?”

As he opened the bottle to pour their glasses, Bart began to explain how the tannin properties of this Jetbird merlot has high levels of the antioxidant procyanidin. Darlene smiled and took her leave. She was going to share this tidbit with John, but his head was lowered, focused on his texting. Darlene ate her supper in silence, but was occasionally treated to laughter from Anya. “It’s strange that I’ve never heard her laugh before,” she pondered. Glancing in their direction, she saw that Bart and Anya were holding hands, in intimate conversation with one another. Darlene interrupted John’s texting by touching his arm, “Look at them!” she whispered.

Raising his head from his phone, John whispered back, “Well, I didn’t think he had it in him. Looks like mission accomplished!” Just then, a waiter presented a little tray of flaming cheese to Bart, and when they covered it to smother the flames, all the waiters clapped and yelled, “Oompa!” causing Anya to squeal with delight. It was a moment of clarity for John to see how happy Anya was, compared to his wife. As John looked at Darlene, it pained him that she looked so sad.

But on the way home, John snorted in the car, as they watched Bart walk Anya to the door. “He’s kissing her on the hand! What century does he think we’re in?”

Before John could howl with laughter, Darlene shot him a stern look and warned, “Don’t even think about it. The way Bart has treated Anya tonight would be my dream date! You could learn a lot from a guy like him.”

Stunned, John didn’t know what to say. By then, Bart had returned to the car, and was on cloud nine all the way home. He thanked them profusely when they dropped him off. As for Darlene and John, there was complete silence between them for the rest of the way—and for the rest of the evening. That entire week Darlene no longer bothered to beg John to join her for breakfast or supper… She had given up. John had to remember his own briefcase, because Darlene left for her job at the high school while John was still in the shower. The tension between them was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

Something happened that weekend, though, to finally break the ice between them… A package arrived. “What could this be?” wondered Darlene. “When she opened it, there was a bottle of Bright Cellars' Jetbird merlot, with a red bow around it. Noticing the card, she said, “It’s from Bart & Anya!” Curious, John picked up the large card and as he read it out loud, he began to get teary-eyed—something Darlene had never seen. He read:

“Dear John and Darlene,

We want to thank you so much for chaperoning us last weekend. The moment our hands touched in our popcorn tub, there were instant sparks. We’ve both waited a long time to find someone with whom we have so much in common; but thanks to you, we had a wonderful first date. We enjoyed the merlot so much that we both wanted to return the favor (since we know you like it, too). So, please accept this bottle of Jetbird. May it help you two to discover each other again; and may you always remember YOUR first date.

With sincere appreciation,

Bart and Anya”

John choked up as he read the last sentence. “It’s true,” he cried, “we do need to find each other again. I’m so sorry, Honey.”

By then, Darlene was also holding back a sob and said, “I’ve been here all the time, you know.”

“I know,” John agreed as he pulled her close, “It’s all my fault. But, I remedied that today.”

Darlene looked up at him inquisitively, “What do you mean? What did you do?”

John looked deep into her eyes and said, “Darlene darling, today I asked the CEO for a demotion. From now on, I’ll have a 9 to 5 job, where we can be together before and after work. It means a pay-cut, but I've looked at our finances—we 'll still have plenty to live comfortably.”

“Oh, John!” Darlene exclaimed as she hugged him tightly, “You don’t know how long I’ve been wishing for this! But, what made you change your mind about your career?”

“Well,” John grinned, “If I’m gonna be a proper Dad, I need to be around for all those kids we need to start making!”

Darlene’s dream had just come true. After the kissing and tears of joy subsided, they planned to recreate their First Date of so long ago… a picnic in a meadow. “We’ll bring the merlot along, it will be perfect!” Darlene looked up from their embrace and whispered, “But, when should we tell Bart and Anya that we lied to them about each of them having a crush on the other?”

John laughed and answered, “On their 5th Wedding Anniversary. Deal?”

“Deal!” Darlene giggled.