Thank You

To my Foster Care families

What an amazing sacrifice foster parents make to accept a stranger's child into their home. To give up their space, time, and energy to help a human being in need, can’t be easy. I learned quickly, it was more difficult to take in an older child. They tended to come with more baggage, attitude, and trauma. As for myself, I was 12 when I first needed to go into the system. I want to thank you all for taking in an older child. You must have trusted my social worker vouching for me, or simply took a chance.

When I first went into the system, my sister, mom and I were living in a homeless shelter, after being recently evicted from our home. Everything in my life was chaotic. My sister and I weren’t told exactly why we were being taken or how long it would be - it ended up being nearly two years. From the first moment, I walked through your doors, I felt safe and wanted. Lengthy conversations during car rides and at the table showed how much interest you took in me. You never made me feel awkward or a burden, as your life changed to accommodate my presence.

Thank you for checking in on me after my time in your home, and for writing me letters and sending pictures long after I left. I can trace becoming a History Major all the way back to practicing states and their capitals at your dining room table. Thank you for home-cooked meals that I can still taste if I close my eyes: almond-crusted chicken and big bowls of creamy mashed potatoes. I learned to give back to my community by being accepted into your homes; how to be kind and gentle to strangers because you were patient and kind in the most difficult and troublesome years of my life.

To my Dad

It couldn’t have been easy being a part-time dad. You had to trade every Wednesday and every other weekend for a few weeks a year and Sunday phone calls, when we moved out of state. Whenever we were able to come visit during school breaks, or sporadic times during the summers, every moment was accounted for, meticulously planned, and well-executed. Our days were filled with Tickle Tickle Monster; trying to find the best hiding places. Sneaking around the house unaware of when you’d jump out or down. A heavy dose of fear mixed with anticipation of being found, replaced by howling laughter and sore, rosey cheeks. While other parents held down the park benches, you were right on our tails, crashing through the old wooden playgrounds. As small children, we thought their small crevices would be to our advantage, but nothing kept you from fulfilling your role as Hook to our Peter Pan and Wendy.

You taught us the words to Van Halen and the Spice Girls - taught us how to paint modeled cars, and then we translated those skills to painting your nails. If I watch Grease now, I get cravings for homemade potato skins and nachos. You knew how to take every second we had together and make it worth something. I have some of the best childhood memories packed into one week timeframes.

Thank you for making the best out of what was likely some of the hardest years of your life. All the long drives to meet Mom halfway and swap us out, for consistently calling us on Sundays even if it meant tracking us down at our friends house to still talk. I bet at the time, it might not have seemed worth it. Or, that we weren’t giving back as much as you were giving us, but so much of what you sacrificed and did for us has impacted us everyday since. You can’t teach love, patience, or perseverance, but you raised us by showing it.

You always said being a parent is diving into a pool head first without knowing if there is water. Kendra and I took the dive too, and you taught us how to swim. Your life lessons are imprinted in my mind and heart. Thanks for always being one phone call away for more as I get older.

Mom

I can go back and think of specific things that stick out in my memory, your love for musicals like Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, taking us to Look Park, making Kendra and I model for your unrelenting love of photography. But what sticks out isn’t the memories, or the pictures - it's you. It’s just you, always being there. I want to thank you for being a rock in my life.

Being the kind of parent that I knew would always believe me. If I told you there were monsters under my bed, you put on armor to help me vanquish them. You’ve always had my back, wiped my tears, and listened to me. I’ve never had to doubt that you would always be there for me. You trusted me to make good decisions and when I was unsure, I always felt safe to come to you for advice or permission.

Thank you for taking the needed time to dedicate to your mental health. I couldn’t have possibly understood that decision as a child, but now I want to thank you for putting yourself first. For showing me the importance of self-love. You never lashed out or harmed us, just to keep us at an arm's reach. You created a balance between your needs and ours, and found a way to keep us safe while prioritizing your well-being. Mental health has so much more awareness now than it did back then. I know if we had been older, or if you had more family support things, it could have been different. You were brave on your own terms - you taught me so much about what it means to be a family, and how to forgive. For everything you’ve ever done, and continue to do for Kendra and I, thank you.

To my parents

Secretly as a young adult, my one gripe looking back, was wishing I had been in more activities. I have said I didn't feel invested in enough. However, in taking a step back to reflect on the ways I have to thank everyone in my life who had a hand in raising me. I've realized what an investment it is just to share a life with a child. How much space children take up both physically and mentality. Everything you do to feed, clothe, love, cherish, nourish, encourage, is an investment in their wellbeing. What an immense sacrifice it was bringing me into the world. Thanks for having the courage and grace to do it as well as you both have.

For all the ways that you both are different -the way you both have allowed me to be open, honest, vulnerable - is amazing. You’ve allowed me to tell you ways that I need to be communicated with differently, and have accepted and adapted to meet me halfway. I’ve never been afraid to open my heart, my mind, my arms or home because of the way you have raised me. I love you.