Ending a marriage is never easy. In addition to the emotional trauma that comes with the end of such a serious relationship, you also have to deal with legal challenges and other chores. A divorce is a personal trauma that, frustratingly, demands the oversight of the law to run its course. It’s a tough thing to go through under any circumstances.
Divorce affects every child differently. However, all children of divorce do best when both parents stay actively involved in their lives. This continuing connection makes a positive difference for children of all ages—even teens—minimizing the fact that their parents no longer live together.
Just remember once upon a time there was something you saw and loved about your ex spouse, and that my friends is what is important for you to remind your kids about! You do this so that their little hearts may mend and their minds will understand that they came from something so good and meaningful it created them. Teach kindness, and build them up. Refuse to cause your child additional pain while they are experiencing grief over the breakup of their family, while their whole world falls apart and changes forever. Give them a reason to be secure in their place in your life; they come from you both.
Divorce is a traumatizing experience, and one has to undergo various legal settlements after that. Whether it is property settlement or child custody, you would need the assistance of family lawyers. However, if you are fighting the case of custody of your child, then you would need the help of child custody lawyers. They are the family lawyers who have specialized in the field of child custody. Their job is to help their clients with matters related to the custody of their children post-divorce. Good child custody lawyers will negotiate in a way so that the client gets the custody of the child or at least get to meet them or can stay with them on regular breaks. These lawyers are needed mainly after divorces, as it is after divorce that the issue of child custody arises. They are generally called after the couple is already separated and is thinking about with whom the children will stay. They also negotiate other details related to child custody like the frequency of meeting the child and other related issues.
I host a radio weekly internet radio show on the VoiceAmerica Empowerment Channel called Life Altering Events. People often ask me, "What exactly is a life-altering event?" I tell them this—it can be something we choose, or something that is thrust upon us that dramatically alters the trajectory of our life.
You’ll either have to work with your ex to decide who gets what, or the two of you will have to allow the court officials to decide for you. If the court has to get involved in deciding how your property will be divided, state law governs the division. In many cases, you and your ex would each be able to keep any furniture or other property that was yours before the wedding. However, depending on the circumstances, you might have to provide receipts or other documentation proving that your property is really yours.
DO NOT lie to the kids—if you have kids do not lie to them about what is happening to their family, why you and your spouse are choosing to get a divorce, or what is going to happen next. Kids are already going through the pain of divorce and one parent moving out of the house. Do not lie to them, even if you think it will make them feel better. It will assuredly make them feel worse. And may even make them feel that it is their fault, and that is why you are lying to them about it. And also they come to resent you for your actions.
Okay, so not sure where to start. But I guess this is a story of determination. The story of love, sadness, and the story of nobility. It all starts at the birth of a child. You see in my community, the black community, fathers aren't very prevalent, or visible I should say. I did not want to become that statistic. I only have one child, a girl, she is now seven. I had my first child and only child when I was 30. I took that long because I felt that I wanted to be able to be the best parent my child could ever have. And I'm sure many parents feel the same. I, on the other hand, was raised only by my father. A little bit by my mother, who was there for a time when I was younger. At the age of seven I was sent to my father. I stayed with my father until my mother passed when I turn 16. My oldest brother however was able to stay with mom. And of course I got visits every now and then every summer to my mother prior to her passing. I was never told that she had cancer I was just told that she died. My only comfort at the time when I receive that information was my best friend and my Nintendo. Can I say father was a comfort? Not necessarily. As a child and at that age I held it against him the reason why I was not around my mother before she passed. But I know that's not fair but I was a child then. But that's neither here nor there.
"Physically, I'm here. Mentally I'm far, far away..."
Growing up, I pitied the evil stepmother. From Snow White to Cinderella, fairy tales and movies, the stepmother was branded with a bad reputation. Even though her history was often a story of suffering, grief, and abandonment, she was vilified taking on all the glorious attributes of her wicked behaviors. Often, she was an older women, sometimes a mother, and sometimes not. She may have been a widow or an ambitious, childless female, hungry for power and wealth. She was a home wrecker, a whore, and sometimes a sorceress who sold her soul for her own personal gain. Incapable of being loved for who she was, she resorted to trickery, seduction, witchcraft or magic to lure the innocent and unassuming father into her web. Except for Carol Brady, the loving matriarch from The Brady Bunch—biological mother to three girls, and stepmother to three boys, she embodied the all or nothing, full-in mother that most women aspire to be, or view as an unattainable dream. However, the first Mrs. Brady was dead, so it was an easy story line to sell during a time when divorce was an infrequent occurrence.
As I’m writing this, tears flow down my face, stemming from a pain that I thought wasn’t there anymore. A pain that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. A pain that only writing has healed over time. When my parents first separated, everyday was hard. After a while, some days became easy, and only some were hard. Now I am at a place in my life where most days are easy, and only a few are hard. Those are usually the big days, the holidays, the birthdays, days where I daydream that our family is back together. Days where I envision going to “my parents'” house instead of one or the other’s. Today is not big, but writing this made it "one of the those days."