Surrogacy Vs. Adoption

Most people spend their young adult years trying not to get pregnant. Then, when they find a partner that they want to marry and start a family, it isn't always as easy as they imagined. In fact, many couples struggle with infertility, and have exhausted all of their options in order to become parents. 

Then, there are the couples who have to go a different way to have a family. Same-sex couples may need to look toward adoption or surrogacy in order to start and grow their family. 

However, before you decide the right way to start or grow your family, you need to understand what adoption and surrogacy is. 

Adoption is when children are not raised by their birth parents, and instead become legal members of another family. 

That being said, there are many different types of adoptions. Domestic adoption occurs in the United States. All of the parents and children live in the United States. International adoptions occur when the parents adopt a child from another country. 

Babies can be given up for adoption when they are born, though there are times when their parents lose their rights and they are put into the foster care system and may eventually be adopted. 

Then, there are open and closed adoptions. Open adoptions occur when the birth parents want to know what is going on with their children's lives. This may be done through letters and phone calls, though there are some adoptions where the birth parents actually spend time with their birth children. There is no contact between birth parents and their children in closed adoptions. 

Adoption can be a great way to start and grow your family. There are many babies and children who are looking for a wonderful home where they can be loved and grow up to be great members of our society. 

However, it can be quite complex, which is why some people turn toward surrogacy. When choosing to go the surrogacy route, a woman carries a child for someone else. These people will be the parents of the child after birth. 

The most common type of surrogacy is gestational surrogacy. Using in vitro fertilization, an embryo is created and then transferred to the surrogate. Many times, the sperm and egg used are related to at least one or both of the parents. 

Traditional surrogacy, which involved the surrogate using her own eggs, isn't as popular anymore. There were too many emotional and legal problems, so most people go for gestational surrogacy.

So, how can you decide between adoption and surrogacy? Here are some things to consider. 

Is genetics important to you? Many parents want to pass down their own genes, so they would prefer to go through surrogacy instead of adoption. They want to use their own sperm and eggs to ensure that the child is genetically theirs. For same-sex couples, they may want one of them to be the biological parent. 

With adoption, many people worry about the biological mother changing her mind. Many couples who have gone through the adoption route know that the mother can change her mind at any time, including after birth. Unless her rights get terminated by the courts, she can change her mind and fight to get her child back. Even worse, the courts want to keep families together and will often put the child back with his or her biological mother. 

With surrogacy, the surrogate has no biological ties to the child, so you don't have to worry about her changing her mind. Legally, contracts are signed so that you can have peace of mind before starting the process. She has also gone through a thorough screening process to ensure that she knows what is going to happen and is going to be able to follow through.

Adoption is cheaper than surrogacy. Adoption costs vary due to the situation. Domestic adoptions can cost between twenty and thirty thousand dollars. International adoptions can go up to fifty thousand dollars due to agency fees, travel costs, and much more.

There is also a wide range when it comes to surrogacy also. You need to consider that you are compensating someone for carrying the baby, as well as the medical costs of collecting eggs and making an embryo. Many people pay up to sixty thousand to a surrogate, plus they take care of all of the medical and legal fees that arise. 

With adoption, the birth mother (and father if he is involved) is the one who chooses the parents who will raise her child. Though you may fill out some information to try to get a child who at least looks similar to you, the birth mother ultimately is the one who gets to make the final decision. 

With surrogacy, you will get to match up with potential surrogates to make the final choice. You will be able to go through profiles to pick a few potential surrogates, before meeting in person. Both parties need to come to a mutual agreement before anything continues.

So, how do you know what you should do? 

Deciding between adoption and surrogacy is a very personal decision. You may want to choose surrogacy so that you can be biologically linked to your child. However, you may not want to go through the whole process, and you might find someone who is looking for someone to take care of the baby that she is carrying.

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Previously published on Medium and/or Newsbreak.