Surprising Facts About Divorce

I recently wrote an article about all of the feelings that you may have during and after your divorce. If you haven't had a chance to read it, you can check it out right here. 

As I was doing my research, I found it surprising that many spouses feel sorry for each other during this time, and it can be hard to watch your ex struggle to rebuild his or her life. Because of that, I wanted to see what else would surprise me. 

Here are some things that I have learned that may surprise you (as much as they surprised me). 

You may not see your ex during the divorce proceedings. You may be surprised that you won't see your spouse as much as you would think. If you go through mediation, you may be in separate rooms while you work on hammering out the details. Even if you end up in court, you may not spend that much time in the same space as your ex. Your lawyers are going to be together far more than you and your ex. 

You may be surprised at how little you will have to compromise. Though you are going to have to compromise as you go through your belongings, the truth is that, once you get through the divorce, you aren't going to have to do any compromising (unless it comes to the children). It can be very freeing to make any decisions that you want! 

In fact, you may find yourself lonely for the first time in a long time. Though you may long for the days when you are single, the truth is that it can be quite lonely in the beginning until you come up with a new routine for your life.

This is especially true for parents. You may think that you have to do more work when it comes to taking care of your children. However, there are going to be times when your children are with your ex, and you will have plenty of time to do whatever you want! Can you even imagine what you are going to do with a whole weekend to yourself? Even if you only had a day, you could get caught up on sleep, exercise, and spend some time with your friends.

Though this may be tough, it is going to make you a better parent. Since you are going to have limited time with your children, you are more likely to spend quality time with them. You will run errands and get things done when you don't have the children, so that you have plenty of good time with them when you do have them. You won't have to focus on doing everything else. You can just focus on them! 

You may also see this with your ex-spouse. Just like you will want to make the most of the time that you have together, your ex may do the same. In fact, you may see each other at all sporting and other events in order to support your children!

That being said, co-parenting may be one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do. Everyone knows that co-parenting is going to be hard. However, it might be even harder than you ever imagined! You are going to need to learn to communicate with your ex so that your children don't miss out! 

Though you may have many thoughts about divorce, you are still likely to be surprised. You may be amazed at how little you will need to see your ex during the divorce proceedings. It is mostly going to be your lawyers working together to hammer out the details! You may also be amazed at the freedom that you feel, when you don't have to ask permission. You can make all of the decisions that you want, whether they are good or bad! 

One thing many people find surprising is how lonely it can be after divorce. Especially if you have children, you are going to find yourself with some extra time on your hands. You should use this time to take care of yourself, so that you can fully enjoy the time that you do have with your children! You (and your ex) may become better parents than you ever imagined.

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Previously published on Medium and/or Newsbreak.