Stay At Home Dad To Be

Men are not taught how to be parents, not in the same way that women are. In many aspects of our society today, women are still expected to be mothers. Even if they are already career women or single women they are also expected to be career mothers and single mothers. Motherhood is something ingrained, for better or for worse, in the way that we raise and treat women.

Men do not get those same expectations. They are not expected to be fathers and when they are there is a tacit implication that they are expected to perform poorly at their assigned task as a father.

I am going to become a stay at home dad in just a few weeks and to be honest, I am scared out of my gourd!

I must have missed that training session

I was never taught how to be a stay at home dad. In preparation for this new life undertaking in the past year I taught myself how to cook (one meat, one veggie, one starch), I learned how to change a diaper, how often a baby should cry, I learned how to clean and clean to my wife's expectation.

I told myself that staying home with a child is just as fulfilling and important has bringing in a stable income. Do I believe that? I'm not sure.

I was never conditioned for the idea that I might have to stay home and work from my desk next to a crib. It was never put as an expectation on me that it would be a better use of my time to help with the baby than it would be to work.

Few men are.

And when I tell my mother (bless her heart) that I am going to be staying home a sad look comes across her face and she asks me how much money I'll be making from my desk. The answer: not much. But that's okay.

I think.

I'm still new at this.

You go, I stay

My wife goes back to work in a matter of weeks and when she does I'll be here in the house by myself with my beautiful baby boy. What are we going to do all day? What do stay at home moms do all day? I know I'm going to be working from my computer (when I can) but what else awaits me?

Already, I am afraid that the baby knows that I am not a mother. I am a father. And those two things are different. I already have more of a tolerance for letting the baby cry, I wipe his mouth "too roughly" what ever that means and sometimes I know that I am not radiating motherly love.

Does he know that? I love my child to death but it is not the same as a mother's love. Or is it? These are things that men are told. A mother's love is different. Women are made to do this. You are not. Good luck and Godspeed.

What am I doing?

In the end, it makes sense. Childcare is expensive. Like, really expensive. If possible, we would like our child to get as much care at home as possible. My wife has a great job. Her income potential surpassed mine long ago which is amazing. What all of that adds up to is me staying home with the baby. I'm excited but I also worried. There are going to be hard days. There are going to be lonely days. There aren't that many people writing about how dads should be taking care of their kids at home because it still is not really expected (though that is slowly changing). So this is new territory for me and many like me.

I'm starting a grand new journey and my training period is almost over. Soon it'll just be me and the baby. Together. Working. Learning. Growing. And, well, I don't really know what else. We will see. And if you want to read along as I jump into this new phase of life, my son and I would greatly appreciate it.