"Son, I really do love you, but between work and you, I had to choose to give you up!"

"Children, I can't afford to put down my job to feed you, and I can't pick up my job to accompany you."

This quote reveals the helplessness and heartache of countless working mothers.

"80% of the pain in life comes from going to work, but I know that if I don't go to work, 100% of the pain will come from not having money, so between going to work and not having money, I choose to go to work."

In Italy, many working female employees are asked to sign a blank resignation letter when they join the company so that women can use it when they are pregnant, forcing them to quit during their pregnancy.

And on Mother's Day, the Italian newspaper Corriere launched this campaign for mothers to read a 'resignation letter.

The resignation letter was addressed to the children and read something along the lines of "I love you very much, my child, but now I have to give up being a mother because I have to work and I don't have time to be your mother."

The tagline that appears at the end is: If even the children understand that this is pointless and cruel, why don't we?

Although it is an ad, it also lays bare the one reality of working mothers who can never strike a balance between family and work.

It's too difficult for modern women to be working women who find it difficult to balance their families, housewives who sometimes feel resigned to not being able to find a sense of value and are afraid of being out of touch with society, and it's too difficult to balance family and work.

A. The working mother dilemma: work or family?

01. Put down your job, you can't afford it

In modern society, in the face of high levels of consumption, the source of income for families is no longer limited to the male side only.

More women are also involved, otherwise, they would not be able to afford the economic expenses of a family.

The level of consumption, alone, has determined that a family is no longer a family where the man goes out to work unilaterally, but where the woman is also required to contribute to the family's economy.

Especially for families in first-tier cities, the "three highs" - high house prices, high education, and high prices - are enough for many families to make it necessary for both spouses to work.

In such an environment, if the female partner does not work, she faces the dilemma of lowering her consumption level and quality of life.

For example, they cannot afford to buy a house, give their children an average education, reduce their quality of life, etc.

Therefore, the more economically developed a region is, the more women are required to work.

There are even families where women earn far more than men and women become the main source of income for the family.

At the same time, the decreasing stability of marital relationships in modern society has made many women feel less secure.

They are no longer unilaterally dependent on men but maintain their financial independence, which at least materially allows them to have a guarantee in their marriage.

If the woman is not financially advantaged, in the event of divorce, property, and custody can become passive, and even face embarrassment and dilemmas never before seen in life.

Therefore, for most families, it becomes vital for the woman to go out to work to gain an income.

Shortly after her marriage, her friend Xiaolan quit her job to stay home full-time with her children, although she said that the family economy could rely on her husband alone and life was average.

However, after the arrival of the second child, the family's finances also began to become strained and the standard of living and standard of living had to be lowered.

As time went on, the couple's conflicts grew, and her in-laws felt that she was idle at home and not making any money, and looked down on her.

What started as a small fight turned into a big fight, which led to a big fight, which led to a divorce.

Of course, the problems in the marriage were not due to the woman's lack of work, but also to many other factors.

Without a job, the lack of income becomes the most lethal weapon in a divorce.

Because she had no source of income, she was unable to provide for her children, and even if she went to court, neither child could be awarded to her.

To take children away from a mother is undoubtedly the cruelest thing to do.

But what can be done about it, after years out of the workplace and unable to find a job for a while, how can you support your children without a source of income?

Of course, there is more to a woman's financial independence than just the two factors above, there is also the achievement of self-worth, respect, and so on.

As modern women become more aware of their independence, more of them are willing to go out to work.

This is because only by remaining financially independent can you have a guarantee for yourself, a guarantee for your marriage, a guarantee for your family, and a guarantee for your children.

It's easy to be yourself, but hard to be a mother. Having a child is what makes us understand that we can't do whatever we want in life.

02、Take up work, can't accompany you

If the above-mentioned social realities force women to work, when we take up our jobs, we feel guilty that we can't be there for our children.

For most mothers in the workplace, the biggest challenge is not the difficulties they encounter at work, the lack of promotion, the lack of salary...

Rather, it is a phone call from a child at work.

"Mum, I miss you."

"Mummy, when are you coming home?"

"Mummy, my baby is fine at home, don't worry about your work."

...

This is the time when the strong and brave hearts of many working mothers break down in an instant and feel guilty.

This is something that my friend Di feels and knows very well.

As her company is far from home, she leaves early and returns late every day, leaving the house before her children are awake.

Faced with such a dilemma, she felt helpless.

She could choose a job close to home to be with her children, but the jobs close to home did not pay much and did not have any career prospects, so she could only support herself.

So, she had to choose a job far away from home, where she could see the future of her career.

It was fine when the child was still in her infancy, but when the child entered the age of three she gradually became more aware of things and began to have a sense of attachment and dependence on her mother.

On several occasions, when she had a video call with her child during her lunch break, the child on the other end of her WeChat would ask her.

"Mum, when do you get off work?"

"Mum, you're not with me all the time!"

"Mum, why aren't you back yet?"

...

When Di heard these words from her children, she instantly felt guilty and was full of apologies to them

There were several times when she had the urge and thought of quitting her job naked, but reality held her back.

Because sometimes life is like that, and we can't afford to be a bit willful.

One of the most profound lessons that life teaches us after having children is that I'm sorry for being born a mother!

Perhaps most working mothers are in such a state that they can't afford to put down their jobs to support you and can't afford to pick up their jobs to spend time with you.

When faced with work and family, most working women sometimes become hesitant to move forward, unable to move forward, and unable to move back.

So, what should working mothers do to achieve a "balance" between work and family?

How do working mothers do it?

01、Weighing work and family, learning to let go to gain

The biggest challenge facing working mothers is how to balance work and family.

However, we all have limited energy, and absolute "balance" does not exist, because "balance" is static, while life is dynamic.

In a dynamic life, all working mothers need to do is define their key roles at the moment.

At different stages of life, the choice between career and family varies.

The most common ones are generally of three kinds.

(1), stay with the baby first, then work

(2) Working while spending time with children

(3) Staying with children and giving up work

Staying with the baby first, then working

Faced with the arrival of a child, there are a few more joys and a few more worries.

Once the six-month breastfeeding period is over, we have to go back to work, working during the day and breastfeeding at night.

However, many working mothers are too busy to take care of themselves and have to wean themselves off breastfeeding before they return to work in order not to interfere with their work.

At the same time, there is a lot of reluctance to part with a young child so early in life.

For children, the period up to the age of 3 is a critical one for their development.

It is an important time for your child's brain development, such as language learning, personality development, and emotional control.

Before the age of 3 is a critical period in a child's development, when the child is like a blank sheet of paper, still in the stage of imitating others, and parents should play a good role in guiding them properly at this time.

Therefore, we can choose to leave the workplace temporarily during this period to be with our children. When the child is older, you can then choose to go back to work.

However, it is important to note that even if we take a short career break, we need to maintain our links with society, keep learning and be prepared to re-enter the workplace.

Working while spending time with the baby

Working while spending time with the baby is an option for most working mothers.

They don't want to give up work, but they also want to be able to spend time with their children, but it's simply not possible to strike a balance, and this often happens in two ways.

The first is that work takes up more time and the children are neglected.

The second is when you have plenty of time for your children, but your career is generally developing.

In this case, we need to look at what we feel is more important and focus our time and energy on that.

But we also need to adjust our mindset and face the gains and losses, after all, you can't have both.

Spending time with your child and giving up work

I think anyone who has ever been a mother knows that children are bigger than life.

Since the day they were born, they have been so deeply embedded in our lives that they are even more important than our lives.

As in many cases when we send our children to nursery school, it is not the children who are inseparable from us, but we who are inseparable from them.

So, when it is financially feasible for the family, some women choose to return to their families and be with their children.

At the same time, however, they may face the risk of a family financial and marital crisis, as well as issues such as personal self-worth realization.

So, there are advantages and disadvantages to all three of the above situations, and each option has its advantages as well as its drawbacks and risks present.

But as working mothers, we will never be able to strike a balance between work and family.

Whichever way we choose, it is important to be grateful for the gains we make and to take the losses we make with a pinch of salt.

It is not possible to live a perfect life, and it is not possible to have everything, so learn to let go to get more.

02、When raising a child, you can't do it without the support of your family

When faced with a child, mothers always seem to be able to do everything and do everything.

A mother is just a mother, so working mothers automatically shed their childishness and softness to become "superwomen", but "superwomen" is not easy to be.

They work hard during the day, fearing that they will be left behind by the workplace if they are not careful, but they also worry that they will not have enough time for their children.

For them, both work and home are "battlegrounds".

When the roles of wife, mother, and working woman are overlaid on one person, it is not always possible to balance each role.

Contemporary society has given women more rights to enter the workplace but has not pulled men back into the family to take on their fair share of responsibilities.

However, having and raising a child is not a personal matter, but a family matter.

On the road to raising a child, we cannot do without our families and their support and help.

Therefore, when faced with the dilemma of career and work, we can discuss and communicate with our families to gain their understanding and support.

Working mothers, in particular, they have to run to the workplace in high heels during the day, and at night they have to roll up their sleeves to do housework and take care of their children.

This is a particularly hard and tiring time. After all, human energy is limited and often not enough to take care of everything.

If the old company and parents could share more of the family duties at such times, the process of raising children would be easier and would allow us to focus and devote ourselves more to our careers.

Therefore, the understanding and support of the family are very important to the development of women's careers.

03、Living the way you want to be in the best role model for your children

The current situation of contemporary working mothers.

Waking up early in the morning to make breakfast for the children, with no time for make-up.

When I go home late at night to tutor my children, I forget to put on a face mask.

Weekend play dates with the kids, neglecting personal time alone, and reading.

The day a woman is given the role of mother, most mothers tend to ignore their demands and needs and focus on their children and family.

Even though they are under more pressure at work, distance is not an issue when it comes to their children and family, and the moment they see their children, their hesitation becomes unwavering.

They work hard, struggle and endure to be able to fulfill the dual role of mother and working woman.

Even when they are tired to the point of collapse during the day and can no longer keep their eyes open at night, they still read their children's bedtime stories.

The role of wife, mother, and working woman, superimposed on one person, is something we have forgotten at the moment.

At one time, we were also beauty-loving girls who had to put on a mask before bed and read a drama on weekends.

Nowadays, we are always thinking about whether the clothes in the washing machine have not been taken out yet, whether the children have not taken a bath yet, whether the toys scattered in the living room have not been tidied up yet, and so on.

We can get so busy with life that we forget about ourselves, we can get so tired of running around that we neglect our inner aspirations and forget about our spiritual needs.

However, for working women, we can only be the best role models for our children if we live the way we want to.

Reading, studying, traveling, beauty... It is important to know how to take care of beautiful skin, but even more important to be a person who is full of life inside.

We can only manage life with clever wisdom and ability if we keep learning and progressing and improving our skills.

Learn to give yourself some time alone, give yourself a free afternoon, read a book you love and fill your heart.