Socialized Native American

I grew up brown, I was familiar with the frown and how some called it stoic. I didn’t see that with family, as what we did best together was laugh. A professor said, “I thought you were shy. I understand why, as I was socialized to watch and listen, more than speak. The saying is we have two eyes, two ears, and one mouth for a reason. Except, no one had to say that. We just knew.

It doesn’t matter the season. It’s just the way it is when socialized like this, I say. The colors are important. We know that. The falling leaves, the snow, plants growing, and the beauty of life, of water. The fields of dandelions, so yellow, a feeling I must lay down with them is there.

When I turned twenty-four and had two children of my own, I knew little about those cultural differences. I knew my Indian name, my clan, and where I was enrolled as a tribal member. My clan is bear clan and there is much information about me there. The bear patrols the camp for safety and security. A mother bear is a protector of her children. A bear knows the herbal medicines and will make good healers.

I knew without holding my nose, I could not smell but I didn’t know that was different than most until someone told me that they could not do that while changing their baby I explained doing that with a number two diaper. I thought everyone could do that and they probably can but do not know they can. I learned to hold my breath when anxious, scared, or stressed. I would have panic attacks in my twenties. Then, I learned that our first two medicines can fix that. Tears and laughter are welcome in my life today. These are our first two medicines and may be the most important.

My mother told stories growing up, and I did not hear stories from friends or other adults. I heard how the skunk got the odor and the white stripe. And how John Skunk fought his sisters. And there is how the bear got his tail and why he hibernates in the winter. Then, how maple syrup is so much work now and how it was not that way many years ago until people got fat and lazy. My mother would say, “Don’t be lazy now, you go out and play" to my son when he was watching television as a boy. At forty-two, he is an entrepreneur, and he has been since his twenties. He works hard and plays hard and he will tell you that he got that from his grandmother.

I heard about the medicine wheel. The colors are yellow, red, black, and white. Blue for the father sky and green for mother earth too. My mother would tell stories about the way things are in the world. There are medicine wheel stories to explain almost everything. Stories I did not learn in school. And I am not a fool. Some things are for sharing and others are not. Could I talk about being the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow without being looked at strangely or disregarded? I could tell a friend, I could tell the family. I could tell you about all of the colors of the rainbow and know that is the woman I am meant to be. You see, we are all given gifts to share and this is one of mine.

It is a good thing to know who we are. Forty-three years later, at age sixty-seven, I have come so far.