So, Your Kid Hates Onions...

Picky eaters get a bad rap

My fiancé is a picky eater or “particular” eater as I prefer to call it. Before we met, I had amassed a stable of recipes I was proud of, and much to my chagrin, 95% of my tried and true recipes that I banked on contained at least 1 thing that he just would not, could not eat. I was... well kinda pissed off!

We went back and forth, me pushing him, him pushing back

Me: “Just try it you might like it!” (Insert know-it-all head bob)

Him: “I’ve tried it before; I don’t like it.”

Me: ….

Him: “I know what you are thinking, and I will know if you hide it in there.”

Me: heavy sigh

I had to respect his feelings on this, and the truth is, he is very dedicated to opening his food horizons, but at a pace, he is comfortable with. A big part of that comes from him trusting that I will not “pull the wool over his eyes” and try to hide the thing he hates in a recipe. So I grew up too and saw it as a chance to change too.

Then we had a child

Our son was born premature, at 28 weeks gestation. Many kids who are born prematurely struggle with eating, between the physical mechanisms of chewing, swallowing, and breathing at the same time, gagging, reflux, adverse sensory reactions, and allergies. Creating a safe experience for him concerning eating became so important. We started slow, followed his pace, and honestly just tried to be very empathetic and aware when he was introduced to new foods. Now, 3 years in, I am so blessed that my son is very easygoing with food and has a deep willingness to try things.

To make food work for our household

• Practice acceptance: We recognize the flavors, textures, or whole ingredients that either family member will not deal with. And stop fighting it. It is very likely that if this is an adult, they have been hearing their whole life about this food and being cajoled, bullied, pushed, and prodded to eat it. Their home is a safe place. By cultivating that trust that you are not going to make them uncomfortable or put them into a stressful state, you can help them be more open and secure in their relationship with food.

• Focus on the flavor profiles: Find what they like and use those flavors in unexpected and fun ways. I have used “Cheeseburger” as a flavor profile in so many it would be embarrassing to put them all on paper. But it works. Combining the flavors that they like with an unconventional dish can create family gems.

• Substitute with confidence: Find parallel flavors/textures that we can try to enhance dishes that before were no goes. If you are setting up a recipe and a key flavor is something that needs to change, consider similar ingredients to take their place. Tomato is a no-go for my partner, so instead, I use roasted red peppers to make red sauce. It works, balances out nicely and pairs with the other ingredients in my sauce well.

• Classic doesn't mean "Carved in Stone”: Don't be afraid to omit things and change classics to suit your needs. There is no wrong if your family is happy and fed. This goes with the above point. if something works better for your family, just do it and don't be shy. You bring that dish to the family get-together. Label it with the ingredient changes and own the change. You may open someone's eyes.

• Respect hunger cues: It is easy to take a refusal of food you have lovingly created personally, but the likelihood is it has nothing to do with you. By respecting your child's hunger cues, the child builds confidence in their relationship with their own body. It also helps to create healthy eating patterns later in life. So, if a family member has much less than a serving but is done, they are done! No games, no guilt, no frustrations.
• One or Two: Try a meal and don't like it? Always having a simple secondary food that everyone understands is an option. In our home, it's peanut butter and jam sandwiches.

• Challenge texture issues with texture changes: If the texture is the issue and the person genuinely wants to try the food or enjoys the flavor, there may be a success in changing the preparation method. I pureed everything for a very long time with my son, which allowed him to build a safe palate of flavors. When we transitioned to more and more solid foods, some of the things he had liked he no longer would eat because the texture became too difficult to eat or he had a strong adverse feeling about it. So, we owned it and returned to a mash for those foods! Some of the things I found are great additions for baking or to use as substitutes in soups or stews. In other cases, it may help to change the way food is cut or otherwise processed.

Don’t give up hope

The truth is, with a little creativity, any recipe can be turned, tweaked, or twisted to accommodate personal tastes. AS a rule, I am not big on deception when it comes to food. I might use unconventional ingredients, but I prefer to be upfront about their usage and encourage my family to take just one bite. Since the birth of our son, we have had new food Wednesday and Sunday; on these days I make a small portion of something new, and everyone gets a little taste. If we like it, it goes into rotation! Tastes can be worked with, and difficulties are overcome with empathy, creativity, and a bit of daring.