So... My Mother is Literally Ron Swanson.

I know someone who is a divorced, libertarian, nature lover, and parent to two daughters. Sound familiar? If you've watched NBC's iconic Parks & Recreation series, you are probably thinking of Ron Swanson. You would be correct in that assumption - because my mother is literally Ron Swanson. I'm serious when I say the only significant differences are dietary, and only slight at that. My mother doesn't eat red meat, but she isn't vegan or vegetarian. She has no woodworking skill, but she is rather handy and appreciates good craftsmanship.

This may seem strange because Swanson has become associated online as everyone's favorite father figure, and my mother is not my father. However, "Be a Man" (Line item one of Pawnee Rangers Handbook Copyright Ron Swanson LLC all rights reserved.) has never really been about someone's sex or gender, more their state of mind and actions. As normative as that may be, the expression isn't going away any time soon, and many guys, gals, and non-binary pals alike use the phrase freely. So for the purposes of this discussion, my mom is more of a "Man" than my dad could ever be. (I love you, too, Dad.)

Just like Ron Swanson taught Leslie various life lessons filtered from his experience and particular viewpoints, my Mom has given me perspective and advice. Which conveniently line up with Swanson's quotes.

On principle, I never say anything another person is obviously trying to get me to say.

You have a right to say no without any explanation required. This is something I have always struggled to do. Whether it be from anxiety, wanting to be a good friend, or some other personality feature, I am not good at setting and upholding boundaries. I often find it hard to say no to events I am uncomfortable attending, I have also avoided speaking to prevent rocking the boat in the past. But I do have a line, I won't violate my beliefs nor will I do something that is dangerous or otherwise unacceptable to me. Despite having no backbone, because of my mother's example in setting limits on her work and not giving in easily to bad arguments, even if they are from friends, I know how to say no. I know not to give in when something crosses a line.

I like a strong, salt of the earth, self-possessed woman at the top of her field.

My mother is not attracted to women like Ron Swanson is, but the appreciation of ambitious women is shared. This is one of the interesting aspects they developed for Ron on Parks & Rec. They were very careful to define him as a libertarian, as opposed to a conservative who fancies himself a libertarian. Thus a lot of the normal out-of-touch remarks and inappropriate sentiments are not found. In fact, Ron Swanson explicitly doesn't want to be with weak-willed women and even dates a gender studies professor at one point. My mother's inclusive feminism not only shapes her politics but how she raised my sister and me. Making sure we were hard workers, that we wouldn't settle for less than we deserve, and to not devalue the strength in others.

Epic and Private.

Growing up in the internet age, privacy can seem like a thing of the past. Many parents will film their children's daily lives, post pictures of them all over the internet without regard to security, and most people without hesitation post their daily lives and full names online. My mother is incredibly grateful for the gifts internet has given humanity but well aware of the risks. She refrains from using her full name wherever possible, is incredibly protective of her online image, and made sure that her kids knew the risks of social media to protect themselves. Judging by the fact I am under a pen name right now, it seems I've taken that lesson to heart.

Never half-ass two things at once, whole-ass one thing.

Ahh, the Protestant work ethic. My mother may be an atheist but she certainly has it. Frankly, she has a stronger work ethic than is healthy. She has worked multiple jobs in the past to provide for the household, but those days are gone, focus gets you farther. She still works long hours to make a good income and finish all of her tasks. You would think that spending ten hours a day hunched over a computer would be more than enough, right? Nope, she is also going to college to pursue a degree and find a more fulfilling career. It is frankly astounding, and when I complained about homework, I always felt a tad guilty for not being quite as productive. That being said, I can't deny that this sort of hustle won't get you everywhere you need in life, when you have gotten something out of it, things seem a little more complete.

Would I get married again? Oh, absolutely. If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living?

Divorce is so often portrayed as a devastating and always tragic occurrence. Where families are torn apart, one party is always wrong, or sometimes they will even have the couple get back together to show they were truly meant for the other one. That doesn't reflect my family's experience. I don't remember much of my early childhood before my parents divorced, but my parents remember it. The few fragments I do remember are mostly of arguments and my older sister trying to comfort me. From what my family recalls prior to the divorce it was an incredibly unhealthy experience for every party involved. Divorce provided some relief from that. It made it so everybody wasn't quite as stressed about life. And while there was not a 50/50 timeshare, I didn't feel I was deprived of one parent. Frankly, spending more time with my mother than my father provided some much-needed stability for schooling. That's not to say everything post-divorce was peachy, just that overall it was a beneficial experience. My parents divorcing wasn't the end of an era, but the beginning of one. As such, I believe I have a much more nuanced view of relationships and love than many of my peers. Life goes on, as they say.

All I'm saying is, keep an open mind for a while. Listen to your teachers and read all the books you can. Then when you're eighteen you can drink, gamble, and become a libertarian...I know, another stupid government rule.

So many parents struggle to realize that one day their babies will grow up to be full-fledged adults who can decide for themselves what risks they can take. Your kids are not toys that you can control for their whole life and magically become perfect upstanding citizens. Nor should you hold your children to a different standard than you would most adults when they leave home. Realistic expectations are key, which is why abstinence-only and "Just Say No' campaigns so often fail, they aren't giving kids a balanced perspective. Teaching your teenagers about sex, drugs, and rock and roll won't immediately put them in the 27 club. Rather it provides perspective and gives them sound advice if they ever do decide to engage in these activities. Part of life is the freedom to make bad choices, take risks that can pan out or won't. That brand of self-determination and recognition that mistakes are human. is the most transformative view my libertarian mom provided me.

Honor - If you need it defined you don't have it.

A collection of quotes from a TV sitcom can never fully encapsulate a human being. Their passions, history, beliefs, interests, and humor all get lost in the mix. But between the shared love of tall ships, strong principles, love of the outdoors, and sense of humor, you won't get much closer a comparison than my mom and Ron Swanson.

Cheers to my mother, to all mothers, all those wishing to be mothers, all those who are caregivers and teach people their own, "Swanson Method."