She, the True Survivor

By the age of 5, I arrived in my very first orphanage ever, along with my younger sister and my mother. Yes, Kampus Diakonia Modern (shortened as KDM) is a non-profit charity organization for the homeless people especially the street children, they also accepted all kind of people, from the unwanted and orphaned babies up to the old people who cannot afford houses. Most of us actually street children, age 5 up to 18 years old. I will tell you more about KDM in the other story.

When the first time we arrived there, KDM gave us a small flat for us to live. I remember spent my first night, sleeping only on a rug shared with my mother and my younger sister, we have nothing but 2 bags of clothes, which we used as pillows for our first night, lucky for us, it was Indonesia, especially in where KDM located, it was never a cold night, so sleeping without blanket just fine. I spent my next 3 years in KDM, shared my childhood with other hundreds orphans, some of them were the runaway, some of them were the victim of the rapist, some of them had mental issues that their family could not cope up with them and just put the children in KDM (I know it sad), some of them were form a family that went bankrupt and had no place to live, so many children with variety of background. It was one of the happiest place I ever lived, nevertheless, I am so glad I ever lived and shared experience and knowledge with such people.

But how could I ended in such place?

My mother was actually the third person in someone's family, in her pursuit of my father's responsibility, (my father tried his best to support our lives at that moment, but he also already has his own real family, his legal real wife, his other 4 children), and overwhelmed by the double responsibility, he abandoned us for weeks, he just gone, left us alone, only 3 of us (me, my mother, and my younger sister) in our renting place and the money getting less and less. Knowing that our future was bleak and my mother could not wait for my father any longer, my mother start to cook snacks and trying to sell it to our neighborhood, but we still have problem with money. My mother realized I almost the age of 6 and I need to get proper education, but she even barely earn more money to get me to the school. She was in agony for our future.

One day when she went out to do something, in the bus she met this very young woman who told her about a charity place called KDM which my mother also could live there with me and my younger sister together. That was the beginning the story of our nomad life.

After 3 years spent my childhood in KDM, my father's father (my grandfather) felt bad and guilty for finding us lived in such a place, he asked my mother and wanted us to live with him in the East Java. We lived in my grandparents' house for a year before my mother "kidnapped" us in a broad day only to put me and my younger sister in another orphanage. LoL. Just because the orphanage was located closer to where she used to work at that moment. A year after I lived in that orphanage, my mother quitted her job and get another job in another city, and she moved us to another orphanage (again) within the city where she was working at that moment. At that point, I felt so much tired for this never-ending-move. Moving around was tiring, I have to adapt with the new environment every time I move. New school, new friends, new people, almost every year, and I was only like, 10 years old when I had that feeling. In the end, we lived together and spent another 10 years to live together in one roof until we parted ways when I decided not to live with her anymore.

Yes, we were struggling a lot from time to time, my mother was just so in love and obsessed toward us that she took such decision, kept moving us from one place to another place so she could still see us. Even though years after that, her obsession toward us, her children, turn into unhealthy relationship. My mother is a true survivor, she taught me how to survive and standing by our own feet, though I know what she did is not right, have children from someone else's husband and put our lives sometimes in uncertain future. I learnt a lot from her. Not to give up with our current condition, to always holding up our hope, to always believe that we will have a good life, a good future, one day in our life, it was how I growing up seeing her.

I will always remember her as that person who fight her own fate, not let anyone to define your life and especially your future, keep your chin up even when people underestimate you. You will always change your fate; yes, life is hard, yes, life is unfair, but you have to deal with it, just endure it, give your best to whatever you do, and you will see the result, it never lies.

-Ratri Kelana- UK, 2021