SCHOOL IS TRYING TO KILL ME

SCHOOL RUINS YOU

At the start of the term, I can admit I was breaking boundaries and disrupting class but I have been hiding my detentions and teacher commentaries from my parents but only because I am scared of disappointment because all I get from my Dad is “don't be like your sister/brother”,” please be a good kid don't turn out like them” or the worst one “why are my kids so disappointing and horrible, what have I raised “. Like I am right here, can't you see me trying to be my best self but I just have all this pressure because why raise kids if you're going to tell them to their faces they didn't turn out how you wanted. I just wanna live MY life and grow from my OWN mistakes and not what everyone else wants me to be.

I get it you hate your OWN kids, but who in their right mind in any situation to say they hate their own kids.

I have grown up having a constant pressure to be better than them when in my eyes my siblings are the most successful, smart people I have ever met but nothing is good enough these past two weeks I have tried my hardest in being quiet and respectful even though my personality is loud! But I still walk into a class and get into trouble for breathing, just give me a break. please.

I'm trying to improve but how can I do that with all these people on my back trying to push my boundaries.

But after all those comments and all that stress, Mrs—-- who hates me so much and I can never understand why gets me into trouble for having ink on my legs so she tells me to change into long pants so that the ink wouldn't be visible which I went to go do but I had to go to the gymnasium because I had left them there from sport, so I go to the gymnasium and while I'm gone Mrs has the audacity to go to Mrs—- ( principal) and tell her I am giving attitude, not doing my work good enough in class if I have enough time to draw one my legs ( which she wasn't event he teacher I had) and being disgusting towards the teacher. I come back from getting changed to Mrs —-- and Mrs—--- looking for me, not only that but they get two of my friends to tell me, which my friends were going to get me to hide but it was too late I get addressed to go to Mrs—--, I'm confused, scared and lost. I go into her office for her to tell me how disgusting and disrespectful I am, I am quite stable until she says “ —-- we are calling your parents they have probably already received a call for an interview with me and you WILL be present, all your past and present marks, teacher commentaries and personal notes from your teachers on your behaviour” I lash you, I can feel my whole body shaking and gasping for air but all I can think of is how disappointed they would be.

Tears start to tremble from my eyes but she still has the nerve to tell me “everything is my fault and that I should stop crying!” She dismissed me and I start balling and fall into —--- (my best friend) arms, shaking, trembling-breaking down everyone's groups around me. I am internally screaming in pain, everyone is looking, asking.

I can breathe, can stop crying and can't stop shaking, more and more people hover I can feel the whispering of people's thoughts. Mrs —--- why do you hate me that much? I tremble to the last period with these lingering words engraved in my brain “suspension, parents, disgusting “.I just wanted everything to STOP.

We have a sub luckily but Mrs —-- ( principle) comes to unlock the door, death starring me while telling the teacher” if anyone ( starring at me ) disrupts this class, straight to my office.”

She leaves. I just cry I asked “Sir may I please be excused to go to the bathroom” he obviously sees the tears in my eyes and excuses me.

But all I can see is Mrs —-- lingering in the halls, so I ran as fast as I was capable of just to reach the bathrooms to break down and shatter. The WORST panic attack I have experienced before.

They just don't understand my mental health was on a string and they just got scissors and cut that strand of string.

Everyone saw my breakdown,

Everyone heard my weeping.

Everyone was staring.

Everyone was whispering.

But I still felt as though I was being held in —--- (my best friend) arms.