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The Five Stages within a Relationship

By Fatma M RobinsonPublished 2 years ago 3 min read
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash


Someone asked me the question, ‘What are the five stages of a relationship?” Honestly I didn't know and, so I googled it. Being somewhat college educated and having read, "Venus and Mars in the Bedroom" and " Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, " I thought that I knew everything. Well, let me tell you folks those books are really old now as am I.

I found some recent readings on relationships. According to an online article entitled, The Five Stages Every Relationship Goes Through, by Linda Carol; Merge, Doubt, Decision and Denial, Disillusionment, and Wholehearted Love complete the five stages a relationship goes through.

The first stage, Merge, is when we first hookup with someone, and we are in a bliss, happy, honeymoon stage. The wind is at our back and nothing can stop our relationship from moving forward. Most importantly the sex messes with our hormones causing us to be real happy and content. I think this is why most Christians wait for the sex part or practice abstinence. Easier said than done, right?

The second stage of our relationships is, Doubt and Denial, we notice that our partners might not be following the same path as ourselves. We question our feelings of love. Has the real friction and alienation started. Do they chew too loud? Are they really frigid? In the case of my own life, does my people pleasing attitude start to annoy my partner? How many times have I been lied to or not? These stages really test trust in a relationship. If you can build trust in a relationship, then these stages will pass.

The fourth stage in a relationship is Disillusionment. This is the last stage of love or end for some couples. The power struggles in the relationship have come fully to the top of the world. Issues the couple have consistently ignored are now glaringly obvious. Some people start fighting, while others drift apart. How do we make it past this stage of a relationship? Open communication and listening. Your partner needs to be heard. We have to work through our disagreements. As long as, they are non abusive disagreements. This is another article in itself. We need mutual intimacy. I found in my last relationship mutual intimacy stopped for close to a year due to drug abuse by my partner. It really took a toll on my body and mind. Intimacy is very important in a relationship.

The four stage in a relationship is Decision. We make the decision to make or break a relationship. We need to practice self-care and self growth to be able to make a decision about our relationship. I was miserable in my last relationship, but I let myself care and self growth be under his control. I am glad I made my decision before it was too late. Living with a narcissist is horrible.

The fifth stage in relationships is Wholehearted Love. I thought this was like unconditional love, while similar they are not the same. According to, YourLoverelationship.com,

(Loving wholeheartedly means that you are willing to face the feelings of fear that come with the uncertainty of not knowing how your relationship will unfold. If you're like most people, you've been hurt by someone at some point in your life like me.) (Healthline.com, says Unconditional Love is

Unconditional love, simply put, is love without requirements. You don't base it on what someone does for you in return. You simply love them and want nothing more than their happiness. This type of love, sometimes called compassionate or agape love, might sound somewhat familiar.). So men are different from females when it involves Wholehearted Love. Men require praise, hate nagging, crying, being asked where your relationship is going? Most men llike food, sex, action sports, and no need for control. While most women hate being ignored, controlled, and clingy. We want kindness, patience, understanding, empathy, and compassion.

Wouldn't it be great if there was a computer application that could help us get through these stages. Plus, reminding us what is important or good in a relationship. I cannot wait til it becomes available. I will be the first one to try it out.


About the Creator

Fatma M Robinson

Hi, everybody calls me Tina. I have many degrees, but my passion is advocating and activism for climate change, animal awareness, homelessness, racism, and social change. Currently, I am a Peer Counselor.

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