Recipe for A Human

The world is a complete and utter dumpster fire. Hate surrounds us at every level. Social media, the 24-hour news cycle, religion (yes, I said it), and politics all perpetuate it. It doesn’t end unless we choose to end it. My husband and I chose to help make that happen.

My husband and I had a child almost 21 years ago. We wanted him to grow up thinking differently from how our parents did. Unlike the way we grew up, with insensitivity we heard and saw, we wanted him to be different. It was our choice to be intentional about it.

I love the holidays. Not the shopping or decorating, though those are added pleasures. I love the celebration of all the things in the world that make humanity special. The best thing about the holidays is that the world seems to back off from its viciousness, if only for a time. That was what we wanted to teach our child: to be less angry and divisive.

From day one, we made it a point to teach him about people and the differences that make each of us unique and special. Never once in our home did we discuss the words used to describe a person’s color. Those descriptors are all ludicrous and inaccurate anyway. We are either ignorant of what color is or we refuse to accept the truth.

There is no black, white, red, or yellow person on the planet. Humans are all brown. Yes, write that down. It’s important. Brown. We are not all basic brown, but a gradation of the color and its many facets and tones. Brown is a calming, earthy color. It is unfortunate that humanity is anything but calm. Maybe we should have been fire red. It would suit our temperament more appropriately. If people could get the color of people right from the get-go, we would have a different world. That is what we were modeling differently in our home.

We never used color to describe people. We described people by their character or personalities. It was not our intention to teach him about differences among people, but to demonstrate the similarities we all share. That was the first step. It was successful. Our son does not view humanity in terms of color. He looks at the individual, their merit, and their actions.

There was another important point to ensure he understood. We wanted him not to judge people in any way except by their own merit and actions. Religion has divided people for centuries. The way religion behaves in many cultures is offensive and deplorable. How can a parent shed light on it to prevent what we see on television all day long?

Simple. We taught him history. We are a Christian household. We made sure he knew what we believe and what our faith teaches, and we taught him how our religion has failed over the centuries. Showing him that people, not faith, are the root cause of the world's problems was a daunting task.

Think about that. For the majority of the world, there is a belief in God, along with laws and standards to live by. We don’t. Not one of us, in any faith, lives perfectly by the laws of their faith and their God. We fail every time. It is the human condition. Accepting that we have all made mistakes, are making them now, and will do so in the foreseeable future is imperative.

Humans have committed many atrocities in the name of God and religion. They still do. It’s a very sad reality that people don’t believe in God because of how religion and its followers have behaved. I see and understand why people don’t want any part of it.

Changing that requires intention. That’s where the way we chose to raise Elijah made a difference. We taught him about people and their religious beliefs. We taught him about human nature and its inexplicable desire to hate and wage war against one another. Then we taught him to respect other people, their cultures, and their faiths.

Instilling in a child an understanding of and curiosity about cultures and humanity was work. We simplified it to some degree, taking steps toward that end in various ways. Through travel, food, holiday celebrations, and honest information, giant leaps were made.

Elijah grew up traveling all over the United States and abroad. Early on, he was introduced to people from other countries. He grew up in the age of cellphones, so translators were always at his fingertips. Often, when we were on vacation, he would go outside the home we were renting and find the neighborhood children. They would play, even across the language barrier, and, in truth, many of them had cellphones. It was amusing to watch the kids all speaking into their phones and holding the screens up to each other so they could translate the words into each other’s native languages to read. It was beautiful.

More beautiful were the conversations we had after he played. He came to realize how alike kids from all nations are. He saw how kids in Spain did the same kinds of things he did in the United States. He began to understand that they all shared similar likes, talents, and aspirations. They were all like him, and he was like them. It’s important to instill that wisdom early on. Once the world gets a hold of their impressionable minds, those minds become damaged by adults with little understanding and a lack of wisdom. First-hand knowledge makes a difference.

At home, I always cooked. I loved it. It was a meditative thing for me. After we had our son, I began seeking out recipes from around the world. I learned to cook Indian dishes like curries, Japanese sushi (not cooked, but you get what I mean), African foods from a variety of nations on the continent, and other exotic foods. No food or cuisine was off-limits. Do you know what that produced?

Those simple things fostered a kid's curiosity. He grew up enjoying how other people eat. There is no food he does not love, even to this day. He eats it all and will try anything. More poignantly, he is curious about traveling to countries and meeting the people who make such yummy foods. Win-win. Next year, he is going to Japan. Imagine that.

Regarding religion and culture, we showed him everything. Some of our family is Jewish, so we included their holidays. For believers in the three major faiths, our God is the same. The reason they diverge is not because of God. It’s because of man. We changed that.

Elijah was taught about Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. We observed holidays beyond our own, and he learned what they meant. While our focus was mostly on Christianity and Judaism because we were familiar with them, we made sure to teach him to respect Islam and Muslim culture.

He had Muslim friends in swimming. They were usually more reserved because, after 9/11, this country became hypersensitive to that faith and its people. I attribute that mostly to the media and politicians, but I cannot discount ignorance and maybe even mean-spirited behavior.

Our son learned to open up to them and not be skittish or distant. We taught Elijah to respect his friends’ faith and to understand how they honored it. He learned not to be insensitive or callous. Understanding and respect go a long way toward bridging the gap mankind has created, which causes the division we experience daily. But it all begins with one.

Elijah doesn’t judge people by any means. He gets to know each person individually. If the person is decent and does not behave offensively or derogatorily, he moves forward in the relationship. If the person displays the opposite traits, he moves on without insulting or hurting them. That is the character of this young man. What he was taught by us, what he learned and adopted in that character, he will one day teach to his own family. If there are others like him in the world, there may be hope for us after all. This is how we change what was in the past into the future.

Learning from the mistakes of the past is the only way to ensure a brighter future. It won’t be perfect. What I have told you about our journey is not exhaustive. It will be a million little steps that, in the long run, will get humanity somewhere good. It is not the only way, but it’s a beginning.

Please know that I am not patting myself on the back or feeling like we did it better. We just did it differently. By not exposing him to or teaching him age-old biases, habits, or beliefs from past generations, we saw positive outcomes. I hope all of our children do better than our ancestors and than we did. I hope I live long enough to see a kinder, more respectful world. It’s so tiring and demoralizing to see what we have every day now.

I want to be happy when I hear the news. I want to enjoy social media without the hate baiters. It would be amazing to see and hear positive, encouraging things every day. Let's start with just one.

(published by Illumination on Medium, May 2026)

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