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Ready to Fly

Letting go

By Dawn SaloisPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 6 min read
Top Story - April 2022
18
Ready to Fly
Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash

My son is currently in Montana at my nephew’s house for a couple of weeks. He is running, lifting weights, swimming, boxing, and shoveling snow (hoping to do some snowboarding too). I have spent my days trying to stay busy so I can distract myself from the fact that he is not here. He doesn’t exactly like to hang out with me when he’s at home (he’s 17 years old), but I know he’s here. On the occasions when he wants to talk to me or show me something I enjoy the interaction.

This last Saturday I was in the process of doing some deep cleaning. I took a bed apart and vacuumed and dusted the area. I was all over the place trying to stay occupied when I noticed a butterfly in the space between the outer glass patio door and the inner door, which was open. I was immediately concerned that the butterfly would be trapped in the area when the afternoon sun started to shine in the window. It wasn’t as hot as the previous days, but I was worried it would not be a comfortable place for the butterfly to spend the afternoon.

I closed the sliding glass door so the butterfly could get out from behind it. The other door was open, so I figured he would just fly out of that one and be on his way.

A little while later, though, I heard a lot of flapping and I saw that the butterfly was at the other end of the glass door trying to fly out through the glass. He was between the vertical blinds and the glass door and wasn’t interested in exploring any other options for getting outside. After struggling for a few minutes the butterfly landed down in the track of the patio door and stayed there.

I tried to get him to go into a clear plastic cup we have to capture various houseguests (spiders, crickets, bees, etc.) so they can be relocated rather than killed. I was unable to get him into the cup successfully and I was afraid I would injure his legs with the stiff card we use to trap the guests in the cup.

I left him alone for a while, but he didn’t move for a long time, so it occurred to me that he might be exhausted and unable to try to fly outside. I did some research online and learned how to make him nectar. I didn’t have the organic, unprocessed cane sugar that was suggested in the first recipe I found, but I did find a recipe that used raw, organic honey (which I did have). I made him the nectar and put it near him and waited for him to excitedly eat it.

He didn’t show any interest in the nectar, and after a while I used some suggestions my sister found online to give him a piece of banana next to the tiny plastic lid of nectar on a tiny picnic blanket that was made from a birthday napkin with colorful balloons. He still wouldn’t eat the buffet I had prepared, but I figured he would eventually eat if he got hungry enough.

He tried flying through the window a couple more times in the afternoon with no luck. When my sister got home she picked him up (I was afraid to hurt him if I touched him) and sat him on the coffee table with the tiny feast. He was lying on his side next to the food and we were afraid he was either dying or already dead, but we decided to give him some time just in case he wasn’t.

We decided to watch something on TV to distract ourselves and about twenty minutes later my sister said “Look!” I looked at the coffee table and the butterfly was sitting up and had one leg on the piece of banana and the other leg in the cup holding the nectar. We had read an article that said butterflies taste with their feet, so that seemed promising.

We had kept the glass door open after the butterfly was moved to the table just in case he wanted to leave, but eventually we had to go to bed. We left him on the table with his snacks and left a plant with flowers next to the table in case he crawled off the table and wanted to get on the plant.

I got up early the next morning and opened the door in case the butterfly wanted to leave. We noticed that the nectar in the cup was visibly lower, so I gave him some more to make sure he could still reach it to eat. He also seemed to be eating the banana. He stayed and ate throughout the morning. Eventually my sister had to leave for work and I decided to go to a movie. I left the patio door open in case he wanted to go while I was gone, but I was still afraid that he might be dying or too weak or to go anywhere.

When I returned several hours later he was gone. I looked under the furniture in case he had just died and been blown away, but he was nowhere to be found. I was surprised by how sad I was to find that he was gone. I was very happy that he was strong enough to fly out into the world, but I was also sad because I had invested so much time into taking care of him and making sure that he became strong enough to go out on his own. I was surprised by the emptiness I felt in my life when he actually did.

Then I saw the situation for what it really was. The butterfly was a metaphor for my son. My son is a junior in high school, but he will be able to graduate after his first semester next year. He wants to graduate early because he wants to start working and move out on his own. It has always been my goal to prepare my son to live without me when he is ready, but the reality of that happening really hurts. I’ve been a single parent since he was two years old and he is an only child. He is really the most important person in my entire life and the thought of him leaving scares me.

Who will I be without him to focus on?

Have I done enough to prepare him for adulthood?

I want my son to be able to spread his wings and fly out into the world. I know I will live through it because billions of other parents have already gone through what I’m about to go through. But I also feel like my heart is breaking just knowing it is coming. I hope that when he is ready to go that I am able to think about how happy I am that he is strong enough to fly away and how beautiful watching him grow into an independent young man has been.

Originally published on Medium in Mercury Press.

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About the Creator

Dawn Salois

Mother of a wonderful son. Writing is a relatively new passion of mine. I love to create my own images. Self-published author of Shadow and Flame.

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  3. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  1. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

  2. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  3. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  4. Expert insights and opinions

    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

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Comments (8)

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  • Dharrsheena Raja Segarran2 years ago

    You're such a beautiful and kind soul for taking such good care of a butterfly. And you're super sweet for addressing the butterfly as he/him. Looks like you and the butterfly helped out each other. A weel deserved Top Story, congratulations!

  • J. S. Wade2 years ago

    Beautiful, touching, and uniquely honest. Congrats on a well deserved Top Story.

  • The Dani Writer2 years ago

    Engagement standards blown! This is an incredible personal narrative. Thank you for sharing!

  • Beautiful story and a well deserved top one too

  • Cathy holmes2 years ago

    Beautifully written. Congrats on the top story

  • C. H. Richard2 years ago

    Congratulations Dawn on your top story! Beautifully written🦋 I love the detailed description about saving the butterfly and the metaphor it represents. Well done ❤️

  • Wow! I am blown away with this most beautifully written story. Dawn you did a fantastic job with this. You took the time to patiently and lovingly describe every detail of your story just as you took the time to nurture the butterfly back to health and just as you have taken the time and patience to raise your son to be a good person. You are a fantastic and exciting writer and I will be reading more of your stories. Thank you for such a wonderful story.

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