Questions No Dad Should Ask His Stay-At-Home Partner

by Devon Thomas 2 years ago in parents

"Why are you so tired?" "Can you make me dinner?" "Do you want me to babysit?" and other questions no dad should ask his stay-at-home-partner.

Questions No Dad Should Ask His Stay-At-Home Partner

It's hard to be a woman because of how easy it is to be a man. There are just too many questions no dad should ask his stay-at-home partner. If we kept the things boys learn by age 5 that perpetuate rape culture away from boys things would be so much easier. But we don't, and, as a result, too many dads are emotionally stunted and lacking in empathy, which is why they ask all these terrible questions. These aren't important questions that convey life lessons or delve into one's family history. They're just plain insensitive. So, listen up, fathers of America: DO NOT ASK THESE QUESTIONS!

Can you do me a favor?

"Can you do me a favor?" is one of the questions no dad should ask his stay-at-home partner. They're too busy raising your child! I mean, you can ask, but it's going to make you look insensitive and like you don't value child-rearing. But that's one of the perks of being a man in a patriarchy: you don't have to worry about raising a child. And if you choose to do so it's often considered noble!

Childrearing is unpaid and undervalued. Too often people assume that it's women who ought to raise children, and yet women aren't really encouraged to do it. Childrearing is often done at the expense of a woman's career, with little to no maternity leave, and with no remuneration for an indispensable service. It's just one of the things women are expected to do at work but shouldn't.

How can you be tired?

"How can you be tired?" Seriously?! How can you be so tired?! Dude, are you trying to ruin your relationship? A high school student has more emotional intelligence than you! That is 100 percent one of the questions no dad should ask his stay-at-home partner. Raising a child is exhausting! Additionally, there's all the other housekeeping your partner is doing because clearly if you're asking, "how can you be so tired?" you're not carrying your weight around the house.

Hopefully, your partner is not saying negative things about you around your child because psychologists say that has a particularly destructive developmental effect, at times surpassing the damage of simply belittling the child. But, you know, money's tough and having a child can be tough too. People shouldn't be so quick to judge! But, please, don't ask this question, don't tell people they're tired, and don't suggest that maybe your partner has an undiagnosed thyroid disorder! If you ask these questions you will be banned from Father's Day!

Do you feel like you're missing out on anything?

Whoa, buddy; tap the brakes on this one! Are you asking all of these one after the other or spacing them out over a couple days? Either way, you may want to make an appointment with a couple's counselor because your insensitivity knows no bounds. Questions no dad should ask his stay-at-home partner definitely include questions that degrade the value of childrearing. It's even worse when you suggest other things your stay-at-home partner could be doing like another job, losing weight, a hobby, or getting dinner ready. You might as well ask: have you considered leaving me, having an affair, kicking me out of the house, etc. Ew, boy. How did you even get a partner?

When are you going to get started on that project?!

Raising a child is not early retirement! I've never even heard of this one. You think because your partner is home that they can work on a master's degree or finally finish their novel? THEY'RE RAISING YOUR CHILD! Maybe that's something you're asking about because you have no idea what child-rearing entails. And, no, don't offer to babysit. You can't babysit your own kid! That's just being a parent.

Actually, how about you just take some time off to parent? That's definitely not one of the questions no dad should ask his stay-at-home partner. Others include: what can I do to help? What can I get you? Can I make you dinner? Do you want to go out and I'll stay home? Want to hire a sitter for the night and we'll do something? Want to take a few days for yourself and I'll use my paid time off? Get it together, dude!

Why should I give you money?!

Of course, a whole lot of men want to control the amount of money their stay-at-home partners get! Why should I give you money? Why should I explain where my money goes? What did you do with your allowance? These are questions no dad should ask his stay-at-home partner.

If your partner asks you these questions pack up the kids and stay with someone else. This is no man; he's a fuccboi. I'm sorry this is how you had to find out your baby daddy is a fuccboi but that's what he is. I'd suggest grinding him up into sandwich fillings but you might get sick from his toxic masculinity. I'm so sorry you have to have a relationship with this man!

How is this feminist?

OMG! This has to play a part in America's declining birth rate: too many dudes are straight up undatable. Something is feminist when it's a choice that's an expression of a woman's agency as opposed to a choice that's imposed upon her. Questions that undermine feminism are 100 percent questions no dad should ask his stay-at-home partner. Understanding men's rights activists and their lingo might even clue you in as to whether or not your partner has taken The Red Pill.

Can you stop texting me so much?

I'm sorry, do you want your stay-at-home partner to communicate less? Do you not want to see pictures of your child?! What did you even have a child for?! Do you refer to your kids as your progeny, like you're some sort of animal? Are they your brood? Are you raising a bunch of Leatherfaces here?! What is going on?! How are you so busy at work that you can't take the time to acknowledge that you have a child?! You can always just look at the pictures later. Jeeze. These are without a doubt questions no dad should ask his stay-at-home partner.

Is it okay if I hang with the guys?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! If you tell me you have a "man cave" I'm going to bury you in it. Your stay-at-home partner has been working hard all day and you're the one that needs the getaway. Don't you dare say, "I work all day!" Raising a child is work! Go be an active participant in your child's life. It's your stay-at-home partner who should be given the chance to hang with the guys. TTYL, bro! It's over for you. You've asked too many of the questions no dad should ask his stay-at-home partner.

Did everyone who assumed the partner was a woman unintentionally perpetuate heteronormativity and the patriarchy?

A dad can be married to another man, which would make his stay-at-home partner his husband. So, if you assumed the questions no dad should ask his stay-at-home partner were being directed at a woman were you perpetuating heteronormativity and the patriarchy? I'd say so, but only in so far as your assumptions about what a family entails is concerned. The question does not specify the gender of the partner. The term "partner" is often used for the very purpose of creating a space large enough to house all genders. So maybe you should work on creating a space large enough to house all genders in your mind!

Did everyone who assumed the partner was home to raise a child out themselves as ablest?

While the question does specify that there are certain questions no dad should ask his stay-at-home partner it was not specified why it is that the partner was staying at home. It's easy to assume that it's because the partner is raising a child, but what if it's because the person is living with a disability that makes work impossible? The child is entirely unrelated here. Someone else could be doing much of the child rearing while the partner lives with conditions such as Parkinson's disease, rheumatoid arthritis, blindness, etc. Or there might not even be a child!

It's still the same thing, though: men are too often reared to have empathy that's limited in scope. Of course, having a disability doesn't prevent a partner from playing an active and fulfilling role in the life of their child. That's because love knows no bounds. But many of the questions you should not ask a stay-at-home partner are the same as those which you ought not to ask of someone living with a disability. Like, "Can you have dinner ready for me at 5:30 since you're not doing anything." Be more sensitive!

Devon Thomas
Devon Thomas
Read next: Allie on the Sand
Devon Thomas

Long commutes means lots of tunes and podcasts. Daydreamer and people watcher.

See all posts by Devon Thomas