Psychology: why the more parents push their children the lazier they get? In fact, it triggers the "overload effect"

I have also heard of a way to quit the game addiction, that is, the child is locked in a room, must play enough time every day, the result is not long, many children can not stand, and even said never want to play the game again, this is actually the use of the "limit effect".

If you want to eat delicious food, you will get tired of eating it every day, and after eating it for a while, you may not be able to link the food with the word "food" anymore, and you may even find it unappetizing.

The parents' motive is of course for the good of the child, but the parents' behavior may not be right. It is a common phenomenon in today's homeschooling that parents, under the sign of "everything is for your own good", want their children to accept their own arrangements, while ignoring or even disregarding their own feelings and thoughts.

Love without consideration for the child's feelings is a poison for the child.

The "overload effect" pitfalls

1. repeatedly pushing children to do things

When the child comes home from school, the mother's work begins ......

Mom.

"When are you going to start your homework?"

"How long do you have to play before you'll go do your homework?"

"Can you hurry up and do your homework, you won't be able to finish it again later?"

"Hurry up and do your homework!"

"It's already nine o'clock, if you don't do it, you won't be able to finish it tonight!"

"It's already twelve o'clock, how long do you have to finish it?"

"I told you to write earlier, but you didn't listen, you deserve to write so late!"

......

Child.

"My ears are growing calluses, it's annoying!"

2. the big truth repeatedly told

Mom.

"I'm telling you, if you don't study hard, you won't be able to find a good job in the future."

"If you don't study now, you will only be sad in the future!"

"Study is too important, my son, knowledge changes fate!"

"Look at your cousin, after graduating with a heavy degree, now working well ah!"

"You have to work hard, learn from the best!"

"In school, if you don't understand something, you have to take the initiative to ask the teacher, you know?"

......

3. eat more of the things that are good for your child's health

Mother.

"Eat an egg every morning, it replenishes protein."

"Drink milk for calcium, you are growing now, drink it every day!"

"This dish is nutritious, eat more of it!"

"This soup is super nutritious, you have to drink more!"

"I tell you, an apple a day, sickness away from me, eat more!"

......

"Eat more" reminds me of a story. The famous Russian writer Krylov wrote a famous fable called "Jamiyan's Soup".

One day, a friend visited him from afar, and he was so happy that he cooked his best dish, a big pot of delicious fish soup, to serve him.

The friend drank the first bowl and felt that the taste of the fish soup was indeed very delicious, and was very impressed with Jamyan's cooking skills. Jamyan urged him to have a second bowl. The second bowl, the friend is a little too much, drink a lot of sweat. But Jamiyan did not notice his friend's dissatisfaction, still a "persuasive soup".

The friend finally could not stand it, dropped the bowl, and left, never dared to come to the door again.

Is it wrong for Jamyang to cook for his friend who came from far away? Is it wrong to let friends drink more soup? In fact, there is nothing wrong, but he ignored the "limit effect". When the friend drank enough, Jamie Yang still keep persuading to drink, both physically and psychologically has brought great pressure on the friend.

Similarly, parents want their children to eat more healthy and nutritious food, is it wrong? There is nothing wrong, but if the child is frequently persuaded to "eat more, eat more, eat more", it will often trigger the child's psychological impatience and rebellion.

Parents discipline their children, talk and do things to control a degree. More than this degree, it will lead to dissatisfaction, but the result is unpleasant.

Some parents will say, "If I don't hurry him, he won't do his homework. If I don't stress to him the importance of studying, how will he know to study seriously? If I don't let him eat more, he'll stop eating after one bite.

There are a few parents who have these concerns, so let's talk about how to guide your child to do what he needs to do without triggering the "overload effect". (Please watch carefully, what you learn is your own!)

First point: remind 1-2 times.

Reminder does not mean to ask, but to inform, "I inform you that there are still things left to do".

For example, the child study, homework, sleep, get up and other things attributed to his own, parents do not over-substitute, when we are anxious about his things, the child himself does not need to be anxious, because he can not finish his homework, parents will be more anxious than him; he sleeps late at night again, will have parents with him; get up in the morning can not get up, parents will rush him, if still can not get up, parents also had to help him take time off ......

When one day the child becomes a careless about their own learning and physical health, parents do not need to be surprised, and do not feel aggrieved and innocent, because the child this look, it is the parents themselves outline a stroke.

If you don't want your child to become like that, then from now on, stop replacing, stop doing things.

What if your child comes home from school and doesn't take the initiative to study? Remind him once: "Son, I think you can go do your homework now, and if you finish early, you will have more time to do what you want to do.

This reminder is not only "you should do your homework at this time", but also "you have the right to decide what you want to do".

What if you remind your child once and he or she continues to do his or her own thing? A second reminder: "Son, it's X o'clock, shouldn't you go do your homework?"

If the child has not been over-substituted and over-educated since childhood, then two reminders are sufficient. If the child still doesn't do it after two reminders, parents should stop reminding the child, as the saying goes, "It's only three times. If the parent continues to remind and urge the child, the child will become irritated and even more reluctant to do the homework, or will reluctantly do it under parental pressure.

In the latter case, when the child enters adolescence, he is no longer afraid of parental oppression, and by then, no matter what parents say, painstakingly, the mouth is broken, the child will not do; and when the child goes to college, he starts to fly himself, failing or even repeating in college, and finally not even get a diploma.

Therefore, parents must not discipline their children's behavior, but to correctly shape the child's thinking.

The second point: discuss the matter, do not reopen old scores

Many parents are prone to spread the topic from point to point when disciplining their children. For example, a parent who saw that his child's clothes were not folded well, began to say, from the clothes are not folded well, do not like to clean, room messy not clean up, all the way to the child is not serious, poor learning attitude.

Originally a very small thing, the clothes are not folded, so the parents will guide the child to clean up the clothes can be, but the mother continued to expand the matter, said a lot, the result triggered the "super limit effect", and finally the child door flung, yelled: "What can be involved in my study. "

Psychology: why the more parents push their children more lazy? In fact, it is the trigger of the "limit effect"

As you can imagine, the child in such a situation of extreme impatience, and how can be properly clean up their own clothes and room?

Therefore, when parents teach their children to do their own thing, do not extend the topic, and do not keep accusing them of not doing well here and there, and not doing anything well. Address one problem at a time. The more parents talk about the problem, the less the child will be able to accept it.

The article ends with a quote from Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet.

Your sons and daughters are not, in fact, your sons and daughters.

They are the children born of life's desire for itself ......

What you can give them is your love, but not your thoughts, because they have their own minds.

From today, learn to let go of your control over your child, let him have his own space and time, and let him be himself, not a copy of his parents.