Pregnancy & Me did not agree!

As I come to the end of my pregnancy journey I feel emotional, sceptical yet excited. Pregnancy was never on the cards for me growing up, I never had that maternal instinct, but as age grew upon me and health issues crept around me I made the decision that I actually had to think hard about having a baby of my own. Growing up I never had a maternal bone within my body, other people’s babies fair enough I can tolerate them, you can give them back. Having my own little bambino however is a huge responsibility which I have never wanted to face, having this tiny little human that is a full 24/7 around the clock job in which you have to keep alive, well that's just daunting isn’t it, why would anyone want that responsibility.

I am not going to lie. I went into this pregnancy journey shall we say naively, maybe blindly. The media portraits the pregnant female form as empowering, blooming a breeze but it is far from it. No one ever talks about the misery and loneliness that pregnancy can bring upon you. As a woman you are expected to just get on with it, like it is your duty and deed to effortlessly grow a child within you. Every woman’s journey is also different, so no matter how many books or online blogs you read it never really prepares you for your actual journey, it just gives you some insight, it can also be very toxic reading too much into things as when your journey doesn’t follow the path in which you have read it can leave you feeling very disheartened and confused indeed.

Throughout my pregnancy I have faced one challenge after another, from the food aversions to the heartburn upon anything I ate, it has felt at times as though I am losing an never ending battle, but as I look down and see the bump and feel the movements of my child within me I cannot help but feel overwhelmed that no matter how many tears from my own pain I am crying there is something still so magical about this miracle of pregnancy.

I want other women out there to know that it is alright to not be enjoying the journey of pregnancy. I felt a big sense of guilt to begin with, I was made to feel that I would not love my baby once he was born or that I was a bad woman for not liking or even glowing through something which is seen to be so natural for a woman to entail. As I grew through this pregnancy and as things became increasingly harder I learnt to accept the fact that I found this process a misery, I allowed myself to cry and to grieve the life in which I am leaving behind in order to step into motherhood. I have learnt that you can listen to all the advice in the world but no one will ever truly understand what you are going through as your pregnancy journey is unique to you, no one else.

Never forget that no matter how hard your journey has been you are still a strong, empowering Goddess of a woman, you are creating life and one day your pregnancy journey will be over, you will be able to look down upon the life in which you have created, the soul in your arms that is connected and apart of you, you will feel the strength of a lioness that you achieved something so immensely unbelievable. Always be kind to yourself.