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Part 1/3: Lost my virginity at 6 years old & Danny DeVito is a douche.

by JaimeTheJew 9 months ago in parents

Or did I/is he?

Passport Picture, Circa 1999 (8 years old)

Growing up, the VCR (the ancient edition of what you now known as the DVR) was a holy and sacred black box in an otherwise unreligious household. My parents are both Jews, but we were far from religious. Other than the actual family gatherings that took place a county over at my aunt and uncles’ home on Long Island, which was about the extent of our religious background. Those stopped when I was 10 but we'll get into that later. The VCR was so vitally important for one reason, and one reason only - General Hospital.

General Hospital is a soap opera that my mother watched as if it were the only point to this crazy thing, we call life. She, to this day, has not missed a single episode in 30+ years and rightfully so, she's incredibly proud of that. The Internet wasn't what it is today. You couldn't just find your shows online or login to your Netflix or Hulu account to catch the missed episode. VCRs were also very, very sensitive. Much like my mother's buttons, you did not want to touch the VCRs for fear of explosion. No, it would not literally explode but if it was touched and my mother missed a second of her show you could find me running and running fast.

Since General Hospital was so important to my mother, it became regular routine to watch it with her and follow along with what I could. We watched every day I assume since I was born. My mother still praises me to this day that I was born during a GH commercial break for Oprah. I've always been very considerate of others and their needs. Mom is a very proud, strong and independent woman. It was always crystal clear she could do anything she wanted and could run the world with both hands tied behind her back while hopping on one foot, just as long as no one touched the VCR. She was incredible to my 6-year-old self and continues to blow my mind to this day.

Always a curious critter, I'd ask my mother lots and lots of questions. Some she probably should have been a bit less honest or she could have possibly redirected a few of those conversations, as I was so young to be asking the big questions. I know many won't agree but it's something I've always admired about her. She simply did not lie. It was not an option on the table. There was no table, there was only truth. She did not beat around any bushes and she was happy to answer all of my inquisitions. By that time, I 'knew' I knew everything. I never bothered to ask about sex because we watched GH and, in my mind, I absolutely knew what sex was.

Before I continue, let's explain Dad for a second - I couldn't tell you which parent I admire more because they are both such intoxicating people and yet could not be any more different from one another. Laughing has and always will be a huge part of who I am and who I want to be for others. My father always says, 'It doesn't matter if they're laughing at your or with you, as long as they're laughing.' When I was a kid, I thought he was insane and simply ignorant to the fact that people were sometimes making fun of him. Now, I admire the crap out of that man. It wasn't that he was ignorant. It was that he didn't care about that side of things. He wanted everyone to be as happy as they could be at all times, and his expense was a small price to pay to keep everyone smiling. There is something godly about that being his natural thought process and I don't expect everyone to get it like he does. If you do, high five! You're doing something right!

Up next (2/3): I was simply fascinated with sex.

Thank you so much for reading. Although it's always a plus, I do not write or share these stories for the Tips so please do not feel obligated. The fact you made it this far means the world to me. Thank you, again!

parents
JaimeTheJew
JaimeTheJew
Read next: Understanding the Effects of Addiction on the Family
JaimeTheJew

Motivated Jewish stoner with a healthy appetite for humor, perversion, & a side of hippity dippity.

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