Parenting Burnout Isn’t Just for Mums: Let’s Talk Dad Guilt

I recently wrote about my struggles with mum guilt, and how it’s something I experience daily. Putting all of my feelings out there for the world to read got me thinking: is dad guilt a thing too?

It didn’t take me long to come to the realisation that yes, dad guilt is very real. But because many men in our society don’t talk about it as openly, it’s flying under the radar.

Recently, I came down with a stomach bug. As I was waking up, I knew there was no way I was going to survive the day with an active toddler without some help. My husband mentioned that his stomach had been a little off too, but he said he would be okay, and he was going to take the day off to help me look after our son.

As we both dragged ourselves out of bed, it became evident that my husband was not as well as he first thought. Between the two of us, we barely made one functioning adult. We both agreed that this was our hardest parenting day ever. It was even harder than when we were having sleepless nights with a newborn crying for hours on end.

A few hours into this awful morning, I mentioned offhand that I could really use some Powerade. I was feeling severely dehydrated. This was a silly comment that I probably shouldn’t have made, because neither of us was in any condition to leave the house. My lovely husband got himself up, put shoes on, and drove to the shops to get my Powerade. I was so grateful for the gesture, but I was also worried. If he was feeling even close to how I felt, he really shouldn’t have been driving. It didn’t feel safe.

My husband’s reasoning for going? He’d taken the day off to help me, and he was feeling guilty because he wasn’t being helpful enough, so he wanted to do something for me.

Maybe I’m just looking in the wrong places because I’m not a man, but I constantly see supportive posts and quotes aimed at women. Reminders to practise self-care, to hide in the bathroom for five minutes and take a break, and to be kind to themselves. On Threads, my feed is full of mothers who don’t even know each other, offering support and encouragement to fellow mums. Honestly, we’re all just cheering each other on.

Do men have spaces like this where they can go to vent or find support?

Are there inspirational quotes pages aimed at the struggles men face as parents? Are there communities on social media where fathers remind each other they’re doing great and talk openly about self-care?

I’m the side hustle queen, but if there are any side-hustling fathers out there, maybe this could be your next idea. There’s a giant gap out there that needs filling.

I know it’s common in society for mothers to stay home or cut back on work to care for their children. That’s probably why we see so much focus on mothers needing self-care. But does anyone think about the fathers who get up and go to work each day, only to come home and walk straight into parenting, while also supporting their partner who’s had a long day at home with a clingy child?

That sounds like a real challenge to me.

To all the dads out there, including my husband:

I see you. You’re doing a great job and if you want to hide in the bathroom for five minutes too, go for it!

Let’s normalise parent guilt, because parenting is hard for everyone.