One way that my Mum has shaped me.

“You are loved”

Said her eyes

“You are safe”

Said her arms

“You are cared for”

Said her work

***

My mum (like all mothers- let’s be honest) is an amazing person. Kind, gentle, patient to a fault. She has been a constant throughout the many phases of my life. I have always felt a huge amount of respect, love and closeness for my mum. Even during times when I have been a brat, a burden or a downright bitch to her. Mum has always shown me love, respect and support, even when I probably didn’t deserve it. Mum has always allowed me to be myself, giving me space while also offering honest feedback and of course, unconditional love. I’ve always felt that no matter what, she had my back. Mum has modelled the importance of creativity, education, individuality and selflessness and these principles, which I have learnt from her, are ones which I try to use as my guide throughout my life. These values have contributed to my choice not to have children of my own. This is not a judgement over other people’s choices, it is only a reflection on my own life and my reasons behind one major decision.

At various times in my life, I have craved children. Like most people, I grew up assuming that I would have them at some point. I’ve always been fond of kids, working as a babysitter, in childcare and now as a teacher. I’ve come close to making the decision a few times in my life. For various reasons it never happened. Even now I still occasionally feel a twinge of regret. But then I remind myself of my reasons and that longing melts away.

I had a really close friendship with Mum’s Mum- Grandma throughout my childhood and into adult life. I would visit her every week for cups of tea and episodes of Downton Abbey or Humphrey Bogart movies. When Grandma passed, I felt an urge to have children, so that my wonderful Mum might have that kind of friendship with them. But soon that was rationalised away when I realised that it wasn’t really a good reason and didn’t resolve any of my other concerns about parenthood.

My reasons for not wanting to have children are pretty simple. I do love children, I think they’re gorgeous, so much fun. Working in childcare has given me a glimpse into how much work it is to keep a child happy, healthy and thriving. Being a high school teacher has shown me that even the best mums get told that they are hated at some point in their life. I like my independent and relatively carefree life. I get to be a fun aunty and spoil kids rotten, so I don’t feel like I’m missing out too much by not being a mum.

The world is a scary and uncertain place with big problems which just seem to be getting bigger. From the climate emergency, to globalisation and the rise of fascism, I worry a lot about the future. The most impactful choice that anyone can make to help combat climate change, and secure a liveable future for everyone, is to choose not to have children. This and the general uncertainty of our future has led me to believe that it would be unethical for me to deliberately bring another life into this world. I have chosen to make a sacrifice in order to benefit the wider world and that is something which gives me a lot of comfort and happiness. I can accept that other people make different choices, but this one is right for me.

It might seem strange that my beautiful, kind and loving mum could have contributed to me making the choice not to reproduce. But it is her encouragement of my independence and individuality and the way that she showed me to think of others and take a wide view of the world, which has allowed me the freedom to make this choice, which is right for me. Without this, I surely would have followed down the path most tread, and done what most people do. Without making the moral choice which is right for me. Thanks Mum! <3