One of the few

Let me start this off by saying that I fully understand and appreciate that some women can't have their own children and I completely sympathize and wish you every happiness in life, including a child.

When I was younger, I would play house like any other kid. Of course what came with that was a baby doll I would carry around pretending to be a mother too. But at the end of the day when playing house was over, the baby doll would be thrown in the toy box with all the other toys and I wouldn't give it another thought. I was also very into picking out names for practically everything (still am) and so I would spend thoughts here and there thinking about what I would name my future children. Often I would revolve around the names Ben, Clark, Bridget, and Anastasia. I still love those names to this day. As I grew older, everyone in my class started talking about not just what they would name their kids, but how many they would have and what genders they wanted. As a kid you don't really think about the seriousness of that sort of thing, so when I was asked these questions, I always answered with the names I had already picked and that I wanted twins, a boy and a girl. Again, I never thought of the subject of children past these inquiries.

High school hit and naturally, all that was on my mind was lust, love, and adventure. Grades didn't matter so much to me unless I got in trouble for them and I spent more time than I would like to admit trying to ignore the fact that I was not "normal" in many ways. I felt every emotion around me and I didn't realize that I was in fact an Empath, and my mind and body had had enough of ignoring it throughout my life. So in short, going through such an extreme time in life with so much chaos in my head, I again never thought about kids. Eventually I started dating and I could tell who the serious people were when I would get asked the real questions: do you ever want to get married? want kids? where do you want to live? what are your dreams? etc.

I know myself better than anyone and so when I heard these questions at the time, I knew to amscray because I was not ready for a serious relationship. I wanted the freedom and time to figure out who I wanted to be without the added chore of discovering who someone else was. I wanted to be comfortable in my skin first and then look for someone to share my life with. So I went out and I did things and explored and experienced. I made my own choices and forced myself to look into my own mind and feel and well....find myself.

I know this seems to be a long walk for a short drink of water but trust me, I'm getting to the point here. Through all that time, I never once worried, wanted or thought about kids. Until I met my husband. Even then, kids were not at the top of the list at all. When the serious questions were asked, we both answered that yeah, someday we would like to have a family. But did we really or was it just the thing you said because everyone else was saying it? That is when I really started to think about the concept of children. My hubby and I went on in our relationship, dating, engaged and married and during all that time, we would discuss kids every now and then but it always ended the same way: not right now.

Now we are coming up on our 5th wedding anniversary and the subject over time has become...dull. Practically everyone around us has a child, or is expecting or trying and we just don't see the appeal. We have both always been open to the idea of adopting because those children need homes too and are too often forgotten. But having a baby of our own? To say the least I am not keen on the idea. Every time the subject of getting pregnant comes up, I cringe. When the subject of having a baby comes up, the first thought in my mind is the puking, ear blowing crying, nice things broken, and it only gets worse from there. Earlier on in life when I first asked myself if I really wanted a kid and if something was wrong with me if I didn't, I tried to ignore it because I was dealing with enough on my mind. Now I feel like I give myself guilt trips over it if I say I don't want a kid. My husband is on the same page and honestly at this point in time, no, we don't want children.

My point of going through all this is this: What the heck is so wrong with not wanting kids?! Why is it that every time someone says it they are met with guilt trips about how some women cant have them, or "they are such a blessing" or "oh well everyone is scared about it at first"? Why in this age, are people still criticizing those who don't want children?

Now in my mind, I would rather people who want kids have kids, not have people who aren't sure about it end up having kids and giving that child a sucky life. Having a child is no small matter. You are literally teaching a human how to human! How to go to the bathroom, eat, walk, speak, read, write, all these things that we as adults have not thought about since we ourselves were young. But all things that we still use (hopefully) and would be miserable without! Yet, most people talk about kids like they are a wedding: beautiful, some drama, but in the end perfection. In reality it's expensive, long, sticks with you for the rest of your life and you'll never get that deposit back. But yes, in the end, a beautiful experience.

I understand the appeal for the most part. You raise a person that you hope will one day make this world even more beautiful because they make your world more beautiful, they make you feel needed, you get to have these pure, amazing moments of when your child is watching tv and pulls you closer or snuggles on your lap, their first drawing, the anticipation of the first word they say and what it will be, their entire life and knowing that you will be witness to all of it. I see the beauty of it, but....I just don't want to be a witness.

I suppose I'm writing this because this is a choice that isn't talked about enough as a "choice". As soon as someone gets married the first question (sadly) is "so when are you gonna have kids?" and I just want that to stop. Maybe some people don't mind it but honestly, when you ask that question you are literally asking about someone's sex life and if it will result in a human life. Not cool or polite. I don't care who's asking, parents, friends, grandparents, keep it to yourself.

And here is the big one: ITS OKAY TO NOT WANT OR HAVE KIDS

Louder for the people in the back!

You as a human are not required to continue the species. Trust me enough people are already doing that. You can have a happy and long life without them and you can have a great marriage without them too. Even though everyone seems to talk about having kids, there are many others out there that decided it just wasn't for them! I'm 29 years old now and my hubby and I are very happy being together with our 10 fur-babies and that's all. We enjoy our fragile decorations and quiet time. We love life the way it is and aren't interested in adding another life to it. If we continue to feel that way then there is a chance we may never have children, but we reserve the right to change our minds about it later. If we change our minds.

Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life or what will bring fulfillment in it. That is entirely up to you always. I just want all of you who feel the same way as I to know that you aren't alone. Nothing is wrong with us and we shouldn't let anyone make us feel like there is. The beauty of life comes from the choices we make whether those are choices others make or not. We don't have to all make the same choices to be able to convince each other that it's the right way to live.

So here is to us, and to you, and to living in a world where we get to choose. Remember to practice safe sex and best of luck and love to those who want to be the incredible role of a parent. I commend you on such an amazing and powerful goal. And to those who are like me, I wish you a very beautiful and joy filled life, no matter how you choose to live it.

Thank you for reading one and all,

Sincerely,

Luna Fae