Welcoming a new baby can be a major upheaval in a household. For a toddler or preschooler it may be the biggest change that occurs.
Parents often struggle as their older child hits, scratches or has an increase in upset. Children may struggle with being too rough in their love for the new baby. They don’t always understand baby can’t be hugged tight or toted around like a toy. They may try to wake baby — in part to test their power and cause & effect.
As a new parent, your older child looks like a giant compared to the newbie. Your biological instinct is to protect your most vulnerable. When you are frustrated, remind yourself your child is also having a hard time helps.
Here are tips for helping your older child process their jealousy and upset and give them outlets for their emotions.
Preemptively, connection is helpful. High energy play, power play, and laughter/silliness are great for reducing tension in everyone. Especially if your child is aggressive or testing their power over the situation.
Always keep sibling interactions supervised. Young kids, including preschoolers, cannot safely be left alone with a baby. They lack the impulse control to keep from being rough. Focus on what your older child can do with baby. “Gentle touches on baby’s feet” and “hold the toy this far away so baby can see it.”
Focus on keeping connection during baby care time. During feeding time, bringing out a special basket of toys, reading books, or watching a show together. Similar while putting baby to sleep. Locking yourself away can be scary to young kids as it trips the connection alarm.
Embrace behaviour you don’t want. Vivek Patel told us (on a Patreon call) of a mom with a preschooler and a new baby, and the preschooler ran into the room screaming, every time mom was putting baby to sleep. He suggested she encourage the behaviour. Reluctantly, the next time it happened she said, “wow that was a great yell. Can you do it again?” The child did, but after a couple times, it was no longer interesting so the child went to play. (I can’t promise it will end it every time).
In a perfect world, we’d avoid all upset, but in the real world, children have and express big emotions. Always respond with empathy. Here’s an example.
Child trying to hit baby: go away
Parent: you seem upset.
Child: I don’t like the baby
Parent: You don’t like the baby. That sounds tough. It’s hard having the baby live with us.
Child: Yeah, I want it to go away.
Parent: oh you want baby to go away. That sounds like a yucky feeling. It helps me to get my yucky feelings out by stomping around. What would help you?
Giving your older child(ren) a doll to care for in tandem can help. Let them change, feed, etc alongside you.
Engage your older child as a helper. Solicit good intentions, — “when baby is sleeping we’ll use our whisper voices and when baby is awake, we’ll go outside and use our loud voices.” And practice using different levels of voices in play. Loud, quiet, whisper, silly.
I found this idea in GPU. Don’t “blame” baby for their needs, use language that puts you in the driver’s seat. Instead of “baby needs you to be quiet” say “I need us to be quiet right now.” It’s less of a focus on competition between them and baby for time and energy from parents.
I hope I’ve given you ideas for working through the changes with adding a new baby to your family. Let me know in the comments if you have anything you did to help your child.
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About the Creator
The Beauty of the Land
It was long time ago faraway in a distant land. There dwelled noble people people with traditions people with cultures people with accents. They were peaceful people and they were more civilized than war. They had developed in this land and they had became something more durable than conflict. They were adventurous people. People who highly regarded collective and unity. People who were not afraid to fight for family. People who would befriend those who embraced their culture. And they lived with dignity and honor. They would strive to be something great. They were taught many stories orally that they had to remember. Benji was a shepherd and he hurdle many cattles and sheep alike. He was a very patient man. He worked most of his life for what he wanted. But he could not find a mate. He would sometimes dream of being with someone. He would drift off in his own fantasy. But all he had was cattle and sheep that he treated like children. He would keep watch over all of them and make sure they were well feed. And he was one of the best shepherd in his days. He was steadfast and loyal. He had some wealth. He would not be afraid to help his neighbor whom he often gave advice to about how to tend his sheep. Because the sheep would wander in Benji's flock. And then there were Queene, she was total opposite in fine clothing and fine array. She was the talk of her town. She was very beautiful and graceful. But she did not find a suitor who would bring her true happiness. She was scared of motherhood and she was uncertain about having a family. Queene never did anything for herself. She was well-maintained by her father's servants. And she was set to inherit a good fortune one day. It so happened that Queene had to go on a visit near a town by Benji's hometown. And Queene was well protected and well-cared for. When a raging lion came out of nowhere and started attacking her company. The servants told Queene to escaped for her life while they fight the lion. But Queene was stubborn and she hesitatingly moved. That's when Benji came along the way and he was courageous and brave. He took his shepherd's staff and rod and beat the lion into submission. And the lion ranaway after several attempts to recuperate. And Queene bravely approached Benji and Benji was still shocked over the battle with the lion and he was gonna fight more than he noticed it was a beautiful woman, it was Queene. And she hugged him tightly and said you saved our lives. You brave and courageous man. What is your name? And Benji said stuttering It is Benjamin no I mean Benji. And Queene said my name is Queene you must at once come with me. You're my hero and you deserved to be celebrated. But Benji resisted humblely and said Anybody would do anything for his neighbor. Especially as beautiful as you are. And Queene kissed him on between his lips and cheek. And Benji who have never known a woman enjoyed the kiss very much. That he said he would never forget her and will help get her to her destination. Queene said don't follow behind but stay near as my protector Benji. And he followed her into her relatives' city. And as they entered many shouted hurray for the married couple. And Queene and Benji locked eyes and accepted it. And during the celebration Benji asked her to marry him. And her relatives after hearing the story shouted well marry him. And Queene and Benji were married and she sought news to her father's house who was thrilled.
By Matthew Primous4 days ago in Families
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