This is something that was a huge issue during my pregnancy. Everyone always made pregnancy sound like such a beautiful and glowing time. Which, don't get me wrong, it is beautiful. We are creating another human being. That being said, that glowing and such was a load of shit. At least for me it sure was. Being pregnant was the most miserable nine months I have ever endured. I started from the time I took the pregnancy test. We were trying to get pregnant.I knew the day I went home from work sick that was the day I should have gotten my period, so I knew exactly what that test would read when I got home. I was nauseas and thought I was going to pass out. And the sickness didn't go away for a long, long time. Then after that it was constant exhaustion and hurting feet. A lot of that was probably my fault, I didn't slow down after I found out I was pregnant. We live on a farm, so there is no slowing down for me. The animals are mainly all mine, so I don't like to put the burden on Ty to take care of them, especially when it comes to milking the goats. Thankfully he helps as much as he can, even when I am not too excited about it. Thank goodness because I was on bedrest for a few weeks because our baby tried to come six weeks early.
The reason I am telling you this fun stuff is because I want you to know, it is completely normal if you feel exhausted before you even have the baby. It really does take a lot out of you. I felt exhausted 24/7, but I couldnt sit down and relax because I had a full time job. On top of the 70+ animals I have to take care of when I got home from work. So exhaustion was a permanent part of my life, and now it still is.
My main reason I am writing this is to let you new moms know, it is okay to be exhausted. It's okay to not do anything all day long, except tend to your new baby. I know it is easy to think back about, what did I do all day? How did I get nothing done? Why didn't I get this stuff done when I had the chance? Truth of it is, being a new mom is exhausting. Countless hours of crying from baby, no sleep, and trying to take care of your spouse as well (my poor hubby takes care of me better than I can even explain with all of this going on). I praise you women that can get up and get everything done in a day, I just can't do it. I already have problems sleeping, so I am tired when I do wake up during the day. Somedays I am on fire, get the whole house cleaned, get some soap made (we make handmade soaps and lotions with our goat milk), and get my whole list done. Other days I spend almost 90% of the day napping with the baby and feel completely useless.
There's the biggest thing, having the feeling of being completely worthless. That has been the biggest challenge for me. I feel so worthless somedays. I suck at cleaning the house everyday. I suck at making my hubby lunch for work and dinner when he gets home. Shit, some days I even suck about feeding and ask him to do it for me. And thank god I have a man that is always willing to help with whatever he needs to when I am not feeling well. I can't even explain how lucky I am to have him around, he always tries to make my life easier. Even if it makes it inconvenient for him. And that kind of support can help so, so much! I am always whining and complaining about what I didn't get done that day, and he always has something good to say. "It's okay you need some sleep." Even after he knows I slept almost all day. "It's okay you need to relax." He knows I am not one to relax, I am constantly worrying about something. And the biggest thing he does is compliment even the smallest things that I get done when I do a few things that day. "The kitchen looks great honey." "The house looks great." "Thanks for doing the laundry." Things that are just something I should be doing, because I am a stay at home mom now. Having a supportive man is a great help with this struggle, they can make you feel a lot better about it. I know I still struggle with accepting that I just can't do it all somedays. I still don't like it, but I have learned to try and accept it.
I am one of those that I always tell people, well since I don't have a job.... Well then I always get the comment, yes you do have a job. You're raising your child. Well, to me it isn't a job. It's part of being a parent. Some people would love to be able to stay home and raise there children. Especially in this shitty world we live in right now. I am greatful to be able to stay home and raise our daughter and not have some strangers do it for me. I know that's a hot topic, but I am good with either. If you have your kid at a day care and work awesome. If you stay at home like me, awesome. Whatever you feel comfortable with is what you should do. It's your baby, you chose how to raise them!
So to any new moms reading this, don't give up. They say it gets easier. I'm not too sure about it, I'm on month 3 and still struggling, but it does make it easier, my little one like to sleep almost all the way through the night and has for a couple weeks. That being said, I still have trouble sleeping, so that isn't helping me. One day it's all gonna be worth it. The sleepless nights, endless exhaustion, and the long, long days of doing nothing haha. It will all be worth it to see my daughter grow into her own self. I can't wait for that day.