Never thought it was your parenting style that led to your child's rebellion?

The other day, I had a big fight with my child's mother, because she felt that the child was wasted that the child would not do anything she was told to do, and would always go against her, for example, she told the child to wash the dirty socks, but the child would not listen; she told the child to brush the dishes, but the child would not listen either. Since I am usually the one who educates the children, she thinks that there is something wrong with my education style and comes to criticize and accuse me.

There are many parents like my wife, right? I always feel that my children are rebellious and disobedient, and they don't listen to me even when I say something. Especially after the child enters the adolescent stage, parents will find this situation particularly serious.

But have parents ever thought: the reason why children do not listen is not that they are rebellious, but that there is a problem with your education style?

The problematic way of education

On the surface, my wife's expression of making the children wash their socks and dishes seems to be fine, but there is a serious problem with such an expression because it is a command with a strong implication of control, the question is who likes to be controlled by others?

The pursuit of freedom is a human instinct, anyone who wants to decide their behavior, will not want to be controlled by others. As an adult, do you want to be controlled by others?

Needless to say, when you communicate with your object, your object orders you, do you listen? Do you do whatever he tells you to do? You brush your teeth when he tells you to, mop the floor when he tells you to, wash your feet when he tells you to? Can you do that?

If you are obedient to your partner, then let me ask you a question: are you still an independent individual?

If you are obedient to others, strictly speaking, you can not be considered an individual, because you are like someone's hands and feet, and are completely controlled by others. Then what is the use of your brain? Aren't you just someone else's appendage?

Children have the same strong desire to pursue freedom.

Only when children are small, they are not strong enough to resist their parents, so they can only tolerate their parents' control, despite their reluctance. But as children grow up and their strength grows, they will gradually stop putting up with their parents and will rebel against their parents' control and chase their freedom, so it is not surprising that children rebel.

Simply put, the stronger your sense of educational control, the more intense your child's rebellion will be.

So why do parents like to use this controlling style of education?

Simply, because parents always want to save time!

Parents always want to get their children to change and cooperate with them in one step, so they will simply give direct orders to control their children. Of course, if the child were a robot and did whatever the parents said, everything would be fine. But obviously, children are not robots, they have independent thoughts, so it is difficult for parents to control this kind of command to be effective.

So what should we do? Parents can greatly alleviate their children's rebellion by changing the way they express themselves and giving them a certain amount of freedom.

Give your child the freedom to educate

As we said, the stronger the sense of control in the parenting style, the stronger the child's sense of rebellion will be. To avoid rebelliousness, parents must change this style of education, especially this simple commanding style of education. If you make a slight change, if you express it differently, you will find that your child does not seem to be rebellious at all.

If you ask your child to wash his or her socks, you can say something like this: "Your socks are dirty, if you don't wash them, they'll stink. This way the child will be very comfortable listening and he will not have to rebel against his parents.

Another example is to let the child wash the dishes, you exercise the child just this once? You can say to your child: "We will have to clean up after everyone in the house, I cook and you wash the dishes, can not?" If you discuss the problem with your child in a consultative tone, the child will easily accept it?

This way of education gives the child a certain degree of freedom, and the child's resistance will not be so fierce. Of course, the child may not accept this expression, so can the parents use their brains and think of other ways to lead the child to accept it? There must be. However, many parents are too lazy to use their brains, and as long as the child does not cooperate, they go back to the old way, using criticism and scolding to control the child to do, and the child is bound to respond with fierce resistance.

In a roundabout way, you see, the child's rebellion is ultimately the parents' problem.

So why can parents change themselves to avoid their children's rebellion?

It's simple, education is a two-way interactive process, not that it's just about the child and has nothing to do with the parents.

In this educational relationship, there are two roles, one is the parent, one is the child, and the two form an interactive process of influence. If you move the parent, you will influence the child accordingly; similarly, if you move the child, you will also influence the parent accordingly. The two are in a constant dynamic balance process.

In the past, when educating children, parents do not recognize this problem, and always thought that education is the child's business, and the problem is the child, so always blame the child, and always want to control the child. But the problem is that children are independent and we simply can't control them completely, so it becomes a struggle between us and our children.

If parents realize that education is an interactive process, we don't have to care what our children do at all, we just have to adjust ourselves and we can influence our children to react accordingly. It is always easier to control ourselves than to control our children