My Wife Said She Needs Space (My Wife Says She Needs Time To Think)

Let's face it: Marriage problems suck. Sometimes it is really hard to navigate a relationship and make both people happy. In fact, a lot of the time it seems like you trade off happiness: sometimes you get what you want and you're happy, but sometimes your wife is happy and you are not. That is the nature of compromise, which is necessary in any long-term relationship. But what do you do if your wife doesn't seem to want to work on your marriage anymore? What does it mean if your wife wants space?

If your wife said she needs space or that she needs time to think, you are probably thinking the end is near. Sometimes this is true, but not always. Sometimes a woman just telling you that she needs time to think means exactly what she says. It isn't necessarily a bad thing to take some time to stop fighting and look at the situation for what it really is. Taking a break from a relationship or from fighting can help your wife clear her head and come back into the marriage willing to work things out and make things better.

What should you expect if your wife wants space? Whether it is a full-blown separation or even just a few days apart, the two of you should clearly outline the expectations you have for what will happen during this time. You should give her the space she needs, but do not make this time one-sided. Make sure that if the two of you start to work on your relationship that you also get what you need from her. While your wife is taking the space she needs, you should also be thinking about what you would like to change in your marriage so that you can be happy too.

One word of caution: If your wife wants space and you do not clearly understand what that means, make sure that you ask her. Don't just give her free reign to do whatever she wants while the two of you are apart. Tell her exactly what you expect. If you don't want her going out and seeing other men, make sure that you tell her that. Explain to her that you respect her and want her to have the time she needs, and that you agree with her reasons for needing a break. But also remind her that you are still married, and you are willing to work on things but you aren't willing to give up your marriage yet.

Save Your Marriage - 5 Tips

So after 40 years of marriage, Al and Tipper Gore are getting divorced. No, we don't know the exact reasons for the divorce. They have publicly stated that it is not because of infidelity, but because they have grown apart, with all of Al's traveling and busy schedule. Now, I ask myself, do they really know what they are throwing away here? Tipper cannot make a few extra trips to be with her husband, and Al cannot reduce his schedule to make time for Tipper? Have they really tried to stay together? What if Al Gore had become President, would they be divorcing now?

It seems to be a symptom of society now. Is the art of knowing how to preserve a relationship such as a marriage slipping away? Or is it more fundamental, that we don't consider marriage as sacred anymore. Perhaps we don't know the true value of love and commitment. Have we become too self-centered and in doing so, see relationships including marriage as self serving. If this is true, then we have lost a great deal.

I was once at a wedding ceremony of two friends. It was a lovely wedding with all of the usual arrangements, decorated church, flowers, and rings. However, during the ceremony in exchanging vows, the groom had a slip of the tongue. Instead of repeating, "I will be faithful", he blurted out, "I will try to be faithful". The ceremony continued on as if nothing unusual had happened. We all laughed after the ceremony, but we also privately wondered if it could be a problem later. As it turned out, 3 children and 10 years later, they divorced.

If we become dissatisfied in our lives, we can easily begin to blame our loved ones. Our relationships with our spouses can become easy targets. Our anger is displaced and suddenly there is a major problem in the relationship. Maybe we start to say that we are growing apart.

I once knew a couple who attended recovery meetings for their drug and alcohol problems. They reported that if they missed some of their meetings that they would begin to argue. Sometimes the arguments would continue right up to the time they resumed going to their meetings. On returning from the meeting, the argument had stopped. They were surprised to notice that they were once again getting along well. What had changed? A need inside both of them had been met and their relationship had nothing to do with their dissatisfaction.

So what am I suggesting? One, when you are married, realize you have made a bond with another human being than is sacred and must be preserved at all costs. Two, make a commitment to work out any problems you may encounter in your relationship. If you need outside help, go to couple's counseling with a qualified therapist. This can help your relationship tremendously and at times can be critical. Third, be willing to make compromises with your spouse over issues that cannot be solved otherwise. Fourth, don't blame your relationship for problems you may be having inside yourself. And fifth, take action to see if you can help your spouse in your every day lives. Be considerate and caring. Look after their needs as well as your own. Communicate with them every day no matter what.

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