My mind

My mind

The sun beaming through my window viciously, I pulled my covers over my head and hid, I still had a sharp and throbbing headache from a few days before, I just could not shake it. Drifting off again slowly into my sleep, I feel a foot . And Immediately went into nostalgia for a quick second. Like it was just an old memory. This was not just any foot, but my little brother Nathaniel’s foot. The crustiest foot you’ve ever seen, at least for a 10-year-old. I pushed it off course, but boy was that the end of my sleep.

I heard a whisper

“Christopher?” said Nathaniel

“Are you up”?

“I’m hungry “...

“Hold on Nate “

“Let me see what we have left, “ I said, rolling over to the blue bin we kept to hold all our food.

“All we have is some peanut butter, but I’ll go out and find something“

“No" yelled Nathaniel

“You know I hate to be alone “

“It won’t be for that long quit being a baby,” I said.

“I’m not being a baby, just forget it. I’ll stay by myself “ said Nathaniel with a tremble in his voice.

“Cool I’ll be back,” I said

Grabbing the hole-filled blue sweater I kept, that my mother gave me before she left and some change that I’d been collecting, to see if I could bargain for some food.

“Make sure you get something good, “ said Nathaniel chuckling.

I smiled and walked away

Walking out the door, I felt a weird presence, and then I felt something wet on my face.

Tears, I couldn’t believe it. Tears? But why?

I locked the door quickly behind me, to make sure Nate didn’t see.

The tears started rolling down my face more and more.

No matter how much I told myself to stop.

Soon after the tears, my mind started racing and questions came up fast.

“where is she “

“Why did she leave us “

“I’m only 15 I can’t do this on my own”

Then that throbbing headache came back,

Falling to my knees I started to pray

I didn’t know how to, and I didn’t know why I wanted to, but I did.

Suddenly I hear sniffling from behind the door

I rush to open it back, stumbling and missing the keyhole repeatedly, and the door opened. It was Nate and he said to me

“We are in this together“ wiping his face

“I’m coming with you, I don’t want you to be alone, I know I’d hate to be “ smiling looking up at his big brother.

“Let me put on my sweater too and we’ll get out of here “

I just stood there smiling, a smile stretching from ear to ear, I knew he appreciated me.

He came back to the door sweater riddled with just as many holes as mine, and we took off. Down the street, just walking. Looking for anywhere that sold food, and looking out for anyone who’d separate us if they saw how we lived. Walking and walking we spotted this ice cream shop my mom used to take me and Nate to when we were kids. I glimpsed at him periodically to see if he would recognize the store, and memories for him would come back. I stayed quiet as we walked passed and then I heard

“Hey Cris,” said Nathaniel

“ Do you think we might have enough for some ice cream it’s only a dollar?”

I looked at him and smiled, but I knew I only had a dollar. I bought it anyway. The nice cashier asked me

“What flavor would you like “

After the awkward pause, she cleared her throat and asked again.

“What flavor would you like sweetheart”

I looked at Nate and asked, “didn’t you hear what she asked you?”

Nate just stood staring at me

I looked back up at her as she gazed at me in confusion. I paused again and then said

“ Just give him the vanilla one “

She chuckled, glanced at me again with that confused look on her face, and said

“ no problem “.

Distraught about spending our last on his ice cream I was in a daze, my headache back again, pounding even harder this time, and then he said “Thanks Cris thanks I haven’t had something like this since mom left “ sadly but with a thankful look on his face. From then I knew he didn’t forget her, he remembered her just as much as me and I knew I had to make sure he was taken care of. That’s what she’d want me to do.

“Stay here Nate and eat your ice cream I’ll be back, I’m going to see if I can get some stuff from this store here “

Now this store must have been the dirtiest store in existence, but beggars can’t be choosy and I knew, either way, I had to make a run for it.

At the front door, I took a deep breath just hoping this all went well.

Pushing in the door there was a bell. The clerk immediately looked at me and said

“ Hello, do you need help?” with a very uneasy look on his face. I could tell he was looking at my clothes. I quickly responded

“ oh no thank you, I don’t need any help” and went straight to the back of the store with a basket.

Seeing him watch me through every mirror in the store, I took another deep breath and walked step by step. I got some bread, milk, chips, and some of Nate’s favorite candies, gummy bears. Making my way to the front I spotted this little black notebook. It was all black with silver rings seaming the book together, with a blue heart on it. Blue was my mother’s favorite color it reminded me of her. I picked that up too. I could just picture myself writing all of our adventures in that little black notebook. All of our stories, all about mom, all in that little black notebook.

With my stomach in knots, I make my way through to the front of the store as if I’m ready to purchase and MAN DID I RUN. The clerk tried so quickly to grab me. But I knew we needed these things. We needed it.

He chased me for about half a block before he gave up, I didn’t stop running I ran all the way back to my brother.

“Wowwww Chris how’d you buy all that stuff”

“ We had that much money” his face lit up like the biggest Christmas tree.

I didn’t respond, I reached to the bottom of the basket and pulled out his gummy bears

“Oh my God “ Nate said tears running down his face. “Thank you”

You’re welcome wasn’t even necessary, I did it all for him. Yet again my head began to spin again, more and more pain each time.

“How was your ice cream,” I asked

“Perfect” I wish we could’ve gotten you one too, “ he said

“No it’s okay” I responded

“That was for you”

Walking steadily back to our hidden place of refuge, I hear sirens. Louder than a marching band. I blackout and couldn’t see anything for a second, hands-on my ears to soothe the mixture of my throbbing headache and those loud sirens. The sound gets closer and closer. I look at my brother and yell

“RUN!!!!”

We take off, still hearing the sirens we continue running and running. He was so out of breath but I know we couldn’t turn back, we kept going with our holy sweaters, bread, and milk we kept going.

Not too long after I spotted a bridge, it had gotten so cold out and dark out. He fell asleep as I was carrying him so I laid him down under the bridge on top of these old boxes I found. I thought “Next step was to make a fire to keep him warm. “ I walked under the bridge to find different pieces of trash to ignite for warmth. I laid my sweater over him and went to look for more trash.

Walking and walking I saw something it looked like a bag, skeptical about touching it I kicked it a few times it felt kinda limp, but then kind of dense. I closed my eyes and I opened it. “ I mean what could happen,” I said to myself. I flicked my lighter to see a little clearer and all I saw was green. I closed the bag back, rubbed my eyes, and looked again in disbelief. I couldn’t count too well but I know money when I see it and there was a whole lot of money in the bag. “Had to be about 20,000 I “said to myself after running my hand through the money.

I picked that bag up and ran. Ran faster and faster back to Nate to show him what I found, to show him our lives would be different to show him I would always take care of him, to show him we could try to find mom now and when I got back to that spot there was just that small black notebook, those two holy sweaters and he was gone. He was gone.