My Little Black Book Contains Family Secrets and Scandals

My parents divorced each other, but they remarried. My father was married three times. My mother was married three times. Therefore, I have many siblings. There are more of us than the Kardashians and Braxton siblings. I often think being part of a big family is a blessing and a curse.

Growing up, it was a blessing because siblings were always available to share chores, play games, and have conversations with. It was a curse because there were more opportunities to debate, argue and fight over the most insignificant things.

With so many siblings, there was always something dramatic going on. Since I am a writer, I kept a little black book with personal information about each one of my siblings. That information would have been quite embarrassing if I published the book. Their friends, co-workers, and church members would find out some embarrassing and scandalous things they had done. My siblings went to great extremes to keep my book from being published.

What Hillary Did

When Hillary found out I was keeping notes about her, she did her best to stop the publication of my book. She did not want me to share that I heard her and her best friend talking about them having an abortion when they were in college. They spared no details and I wrote them all down.

Hillary approached me and begged me not to publish her and Nancy's secret in my book. I asked, "Hillary would you suggest I do?" She quickly responded, "Madge, if you don't delete what you wrote about me, it would not only ruin my reputation at my law firm, but it would also ruin Nancy's reputation at the bank where she works. Therefore, we are willing to pay you not to publish the book, or at least not to publish what you have written about us." My ears perked up when Hillary suggested paying me for not publishing what I intended to write about her and Nancy. So, I asked, "What type of money are you talking about?" She quickly offered me $4,000 to delete all information about the two of them. I responded, "I could probably make more if I published the book and much more than that if it would be made into a movie."

Hillary knew I had made a valid point. She increased the amount to $5,000. "Ok, Hillary, I will accept your offer for $5,000 if Nancy would match what you pay. After all, she has as much to lose as you do." Hillary replied, "Let me discuss it with Nancy and I will get back to you." I told her not to wait too long because I was moving expediently on getting the book published. The next day Nancy and Hillary came to my house and handed me the check. As soon as they left, I set up a new account and deposited the $10,000 check.

News spread among the other siblings about me stopping the publication or the possibility of deleting material about them. One-by-one, my sisters approached me. I listened to their case. Some of them divulged information I had not planned to publish. Additionally, some siblings offered to pay me to delete their chapter when I haven't written anything about them at all.

Payments Received

Katherine paid me not to publish that her husband is not the father of her only child. She was already pregnant when she and Owen got married thirty years ago. Katherine was willing to pay $3,500 to keep her secret out of the book. She did not want Owen and Owen, Jr. to find out the lie. That was very important to Katherine because she and Owen would never have children of their own.

Myrtle paid $3,000 for me not reporting that she plagiarized her final paper to be certified as a caregiver. If news got out, she would no longer have the job she loves.

Bianca is the stingy sibling. She offered to pay only $1,000 to keep the news that she is "the other woman" in her friend's marriage. "Bianca, the stakes are too high for you to pay that small amount. How about you paying me $1,000 of your own money and $3,000 of Tommy's money. After all, he cheated on his wife. So, he shouldn't mind paying that amount to keep the news from getting out. It would save his marriage and his job as a sheriff." She merely said, "I guess you are right." She delivered a $4,000 check two days later.

Florence always bragged how she was smart enough to cheat the Internal Revenue Service (IRS). For the last ten years, she has been fudging numbers not only on her tax forms but also on the forms of her friends. She could lose her job with the IRS if that news got out. She was so frightened that she immediately offered to pay $5,000. I responded to her offer, "I guess you won't miss the money you are paying me not to publish what you have done. After all, keeping your job depends on it." She wrote me a $5,000 check before leaving my presence.

I didn't have any information on Gloria, but she thought I did. She came to me with an offer of $2,000. I accepted it and didn't feel bad about it. There was probably something illegal or immoral she had done and thought I knew about it.

Lulu was a secretive person. It had been hard finding some shameful thing she had done, but I found out she had left the scene of a hit-and-run several years ago. She paid me $3,000 to keep the case closed.

When Eve was 16, her 17-year-old boyfriend robbed a convenience store. She didn't think she was complicit in the crime because she was the driver of the getaway car. She didn't turn her boyfriend in, but when she was much older she believed she had done something wrong and would lose her job as a teacher if news got out about what she had done. She paid me $2,500 to keep her secret.

Final Total

I recently viewed my checking account and was delighted to discover that the total of what my sibling paid me along with interest over the years amounted to $33,000. My eight siblings and I have never mentioned the transactions in over twenty years. I kept my promise and never published the book.

If you ever see me writing in a little black book, it would be best for you to head in the opposite direction, especially if you have a scandal or secret in your past.