My Grandma, the ghost guardian

I never knew my paternal grandma, she died before I could form any memory of her. I met my maternal grandma maybe three times in my life, so I missed that bond between grandmothers. Truth be told, both of my grandfathers also died before I was born. It never really impacted my upbringing then, but now I hear others sing of all the many wonderful virtues of grandparents and realize how much I had missed.

My mother was kind of a clairvoyant, deeply religious and an avidly devoted medium to routing out any kind of visitors from beyond.

She told me in no uncertain terms that my paternal grandmother walked with me wherever I went. Mother said Grandma Mina never left my side, and I should always feel that she was watching over me. I was never quite certain if I should have been happy or sad with this clearly uncomfortable situation. I mean, what about my privacy? But heck, she was a ghost. Still, I hoped that she had the discretion of the living to give me my space when I needed it.

It turns out that I was the 'spitting' image of Granny Mina and she may have thought that I was herself and was actually trying her best to catch up with herself, which was actually me.

I was told that she was a beautiful woman, descended from Indian lineage from the days of slavery. She had long flowing black hair that fell well below her buttocks, and was the envy of all the women folks. Looking in the mirror at myself, I saw a ghost of a resemblance to the woman being described, but she trumped me in all areas. Still, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Right!

Now Granny Mina was as fierce a woman as God had put on this earth, she ruled with an iron fist, and everyone was always a bit scared of her. This is pure speculation, but I think she also scared the 'bejesus' out of her children. They all seemed a mite peculiar to me. But then, so am I. We fit right in.

So, throughout my life I knew that with this dragon of a warrior who was fiercely watching over me, who would dare mess with me. Ghost or not, I hoped that she could do some serious damage to the living if they ever harbored ill feelings towards me. Maybe she did, I just did not have the gift of second sight to realize it. I am, however, a sensitive soul to the balance of life.

I know that many people do not believe that ghosts walk the earth, whether in an alternate reality which exists right beside us, or are normally co-existing with us in plain sight, but I do. We all are attuned to life in different frequencies, some more than others in a myriad of divergent and contrasting ways.

I meet the spirits in between my sleep and dream realities, like those nightmares from which we awaken screaming from the sheer horror, fear and trepidation of the unknown. Some are friendly, some are not, yet I never met Grandma Mina, no matter how much I wanted to. It is one of those unexplained paradoxes of life.

I have gotten myself into some serious life-threatening situations and I was pretty sure that Gramma Mina had words with my guardian angel, so he/she had no choice but to steer me in the right direction.

I tell people that I have never needed an alarm clock. If I ever overslept, she would shout in my ear, yelling my name and I would either wake up ticked off or just with a smile of thankfulness.

I somehow felt cared for, protected, and I was never afraid to face the world even when life became completely overwhelming. Belief is one half of bravery, strength of spirit, the other. I believed that she was there even though I could not see her. I did, however, sense her presence, real or imagined.

But as I got older, the senses and positive reinforcement of my guardian dissipated bit by bit. I imagine that she realized that I was needing her less and less as I forged my path to greater acceptance of who I was.

Whether or not my grandmother was literally or metaphorically walking by my side, she made me all the more brave and determined to fight the good fight.

I may be wrong, and I probably just tuned her out with all the loud noises of our existence. Maybe she is still with me, I hope she is. I should let her know how much I appreciated her strength over the years, which I leaned on by blind faith in her presence, real or imagined.

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