My Daughter's Father

I'm standing in the bathroom, fighting back the urge to let the tears fall like late spring showers. It's two days until Christmas and I'm praying for a holiday miracle, "Lord, please let this test be negative". I take a deep breath, gather my courage, and pick up a tiny plastic stick that holds the ability to change my entire life. Positive. The tears win the battle and flood my face. A million thoughts rush through my mind as I walk to the door. I know once I open it, once I show him the result, he'll go. He will leave the same way my father left me.

As the door opens he asks, "Well, what's it say?"

I don't have the energy or nerves to speak, so I just hand it to him. A smile forms on his face and the shock I feel from his reaction stops my water works. All of my emotions are overpowered by confusion. How could he possibly be happy about this?

As the next few weeks pass, I confirm my pregnancy and schedule the first doctor appointment. I continue to wonder when he'll leave, but at the appointment, we hear the heartbeat and once again he beams with joy. Slowly I start to realize maybe he isn't going anywhere after all.

I felt like I was going to be pregnant forever, especially when the summertime hit in my third trimester. We found out we were having a girl and despite Braxton wishing for a boy, we both cried happy tears during the sonar. The most exciting part of the whole ordeal was when she would move. We'd lie awake at night for hours just waiting for a kick and as I got further along, it seemed she was actually turning flips in there! Braxton would always get so excited. Then finally it was time.

I had a c-section a week before my due date. Braxton never left my side during the three-day hospital stay and was such a huge help. Caring for Kinsley came natural to him. It was in that time, in that too small labor and delivery room, that I knew he was meant to be a father. My whole life I had felt a void due to my own dad's absence. The greatest blessing I have ever received, aside from my daughter herself, is that she will never have to feel that same void.

With the first year of life came all of Kinsley's first. Braxton was there for all of them, unless it happened while he was at work. He worked hard too. He made sure we didn't need for anything and despite the long hours, he was never too tired to appreciate the excitement she would show when daddy made it home. Kinsley was a bit of a "mama's girl", but just as well, she was certainly Braxton's world.

I never knew the kind of love a father had to give. I was taken away by how Braxton read books to our daughter and colored pictures with her. It was amazing to see how he always showed up for her. He didn't miss birthday parties or t-ball games. He joined her on the field, taught her how to hold the bat and the run the bases. He attended pre-k orientation and called out of work to drop her off on the first day.

Fast forward to now and Braxton has been a father for six years and 10 months. It's summer break and Kinsley loves the water. So, I watch as Braxton loads the cooler into the back of the truck, then the bags, and finally the life jackets. Kinsley's heading down the stairs and there her dad waits for her with the truck door open and loads her up as well. On the drive to the lake, they sing all her favorite songs and I just admire the two of them.

Once we reach our destination, Braxton unloads everything and puts Kinsley's life jacket on. The two of them walk to the edge of the pier and hand in hand, they jump in. The day is spent swimming, laughing, and relaxing on floats. They swim away from the pier and race back to it several times, Braxton allowing Kinsley to win almost every race. The whole day is spent in the water aside from the time used to eat some lunch. That evening we pack everything back in the truck and head back home.

That night Braxton and I tuck Kinsley in together and kiss her goodnight. She falls asleep almost instantly and for a moment Braxton watches as she snores away. He gives her one final kiss on the head and places her teddy closer to her. He heads off to bed himself and again I think to myself how special it is for a father to love his child.

I no longer feel the void my own father caused. The hole he left has been sealed, Braxton's love for our daughter was all I needed to heal. Some men just aren't meant to be dads, but luckily for Kinsley, her father certainly is.